Favourite quotes

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

“A lack of planning on your part DOES NOT constitute an emergency on my part”

the intelligence of the planet is a constant, yet the population is growing

“okay, a flying car, now i have seen everything…”
“really? have you seen a man eat his own head?”
“no”
“so you haven’t seen everything, and neither have we”

“the answer to Everything, Life, the Universe and Everything, is…is…FORTY TWO”
“i told you you wouldn’t like it”

“Life, don’t talk to me about life”

travelling thru hyperspace is rather unpleasantly like being drunk
really? what’s so wrong about being drunk?
you ask a glass of water…

22

Some of my favorites :

“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” - Abraham Lincoln

“A cult is a religion with no political power.” --Tom Wolfe

The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut stupid moves, only complicated stupid moves which make us wonder at the possibility that there may be something to them which we are missing. – Gamel Abdal Nasser (former President of Egypt)

First they came for the Communists, but I was not a Communist, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Socialists and the trade unionists, but I was neither, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew, so I did not speak out. And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me. - Martin Niemoeller (1892-1984)

“As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.” – H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)

“Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to that arrogant oligarchy who merely happen to be walking around.” – G.K. Chesterton

“To announce that there must be no criticism of the president or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong is not only unpatriotic and servile, it is morally treasonable to the American people.” – Theodore Roosevelt

"Nothing of consequence happened today. " – Diary of King George III, July 4, 1776

  Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
  Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
  Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
  Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
    - Epicurus

“I’ve never killed a man, but I’ve read many an obituary with a great deal of satisfaction.” – Mark Twain

“Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.” – A. Lincoln

23

I can’t remember where this came from, but I keep it taped to my monitor. Anytime I’m considering going on a diet, I just read the quote and then grab a cookie.

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, Champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other, body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO - What a Ride!”

24

I don’t remember who said this particular quote and I’ve probably recited it incorrectly, but the gist of it has always stuck in my mind.

“Let us divide the human race into two categories, those who do what they think is good and those who do what they think is evil. With regards to those who do what they think is evil, we may harshly criticize their methods and frown upon their decisions. Nevertheless, history provides few if any instances of them wrecking tremendous damage upon the world. No, indeed any time that pain is inflicted, destruction caused, or death brought about, it is done by a man who thinks he is in the right.”

25

“I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound – if I can remember any of the damn things.” – Dorothy Parker

Heh. And the amazing thing is that I always have to look this one up to get it right.

26

Thanks for some great ones to add to my collection! Here’s a few more:

“Women should be obscene and not heard.” --Robert Heinlein

“I would never belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.”

–Groucho Marx

“You’re only as young as the woman you feel.” --Groucho Marx

"You can fool some of the people some of the time … and that’s enough to make a pretty

good living." --W.C. Fields

“Effort enhances the merit of one’s deeds.” --Buddhist philosopy

"Think of how stupid the average person is and then realize that half the people are

stupider than that!" --George Carlin

“I need to get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.” --H.L. Mencken

27

One has to belong to the intelligentsia to believe things like that: no ordinary man could be such a fool. --George Orwell, “Notes on Nationalism”

People often ask me my secret. I tell them it’s that I still remember how to open a dictionary. –Cecil Adams

28

“It’s all right to look back in the past. But don’t stare.”

  • the late John Robinson, columnist for the Hamilton (ON) Spectator
    “Children should be seized and not hard.”
  • John Lennon (In His Own Write)
29

“Any idiot can face a crisis. It’s day to day living that wears you out.” Anton Checkov
Three of my favorites from Oscar Wilde:

“A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.”

“A true friend stabs you in the front.”

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. "

30

“It isn’t true that life is one damned thing after another. Life is one damned thing over and over”.
Edma St. Vincent Millay

31

“One half the world does not understand the pleasures of the other half.”
–Jane Austen

“In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they’re not”
–My friend Jason, who might have lifted it from someplace else. But that doesn’t make it any less true!

32

“Love is a lot like shit. You can squish it between your fingers and get it all over yourself… or you can flush it down the toilet. Either way, it came from your ass.”

-Me, 9 years ago in high school.

I apparently said that to a friend and he was so impressed by it he wrote it down. He reminded me of it when I was visiting him a few months ago. My response: “I said that? Man, I AM awesome.”

33

Nerds are like the moist towelettes of the universe-they make everyone else feel good about themselves.-Billy, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy

and

34

“Everyone says it’s a small world, but nobody wants to paint it.” - Steven Wright

“Brevity is the soul of lingerie” - Dorothy Parker

“It’s not so much what we don’t know that gets us in trouble. It’s all them things we know that ain’t so.” - Josh Billings

35

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

– Mother Teresa

36

So eloquent at such a young age! :eek:
My $0.02:

“Nothing is to high for the daring of mortals. They would storm heaven itself in their folly”

“Maybe the dingo ate your baby!”

37

Never retract, never explain, never apologize. Get the thing done–and let them howl.

–Nellie McClung
Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

–G.K. Chesterton
Reality is really ruining my life.

–Bill Watterson
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

–Carl Jung
It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.

–Walt Disney

38

“Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.” Napoleon Bonaparte

“In any moment of decision,the best thing to do is the right thing,the next best thing is the wrong thing,and the worst thing is to do nothing” Theodore Roosevelt

39

"I don’t use drugs! I am drugs!—Salvador dali

“If you could say it in words, there would be no reason to paint.”–Edward Hopper

“…but when I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of being thought childish.”—C. S. Lewis

“Living in Tokyo is like being in someone else’s dream.”—Wim Wenders

“American taxpayers should be glad they don’t get all the government they pay for.”–Will Rogers

“I feel closest to hell when I am thinking about money.”—Pharoah Sanders

“A peasant will stand on a hillside with his mouth open for a long time before a roast duck flies in”—Chinese proverb

“Why should I be nice to people I meet on the way up? I’m nolt going to be coming back down.”—“Colonel” Tom Parker

“Indeed, I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just.”—Thomas Jefferson

40

Definitely one of my favorites. The whole quote is good:

Some others:

Loyalty to the country always; loyalty to the government when it deserves it. -Mark Twain

If you’re going through hell, keep going. -Winston Churchill

Some people regard private enterprise as a predatory tiger to be shot. Others look on it as a cow they can milk. Not enough people see it as a healthy horse, pulling a sturdy wagon. -Winston Churchill

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don’t have it. -George Bernard Shaw

He who has a ‘why’ to live can bear with almost any ‘how’. -Friedrich Nietzsche

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true. -James Branch Cabell

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth. -Umberto Eco