**Lunch: **
I take lunch in Northern Virginia today after meeting some folks. Stop by a subshop. As it happens, the guy making the sub is Algerian – I recognized his ring as North African—so I start chatting with him in his dialect. He gets all happy and we rap about Algiers while he makes my sub. Suddenly he gets a funny look. I look around. All the other customers are looking at us and the guys next to me have inched away.
For the love of God, get some spine people. Good lord, I’m wearing an expensive 3 piece Italian suit, I can’t look more respectable. What the fuck is wrong with you? If I say boo are you all going to run out of the restaurant? You think a bomber is going to do something like order a sub, chat with someone and then …. I don’t know…engage in cannabalism as an appetizer?
So we have to switch to English so the locals don’t call the FBI or go cower under their beds ‘cause someone was speakin’ ferrin. God dammit, I am getting sick of this panic.
Mail:
Presently your own Collounsbury is doing a little consulting while awaiting word on a change of venue. I come into the office to get some materials in the AM. I find an argument going on about who’s going to get the mail.
No one wants to touch the fucking mail.
God dammit you fucking babies, put on some gloves.
I fucking opened the mail for them. It’s all ordinary damned office mail. Goddamn it, what’s the problem? Yes, the comp deals in MidEast issues, yes this ain’t disney land and yes the mail handling facility does happen to be shut down but fuck, get a grip. Get some sniffles run to the doc; get a lesion, run to the doc. Don’t stand around looking at mail like it’s the damned plague.
I should be marketing fear. It’s a seller’s market.
I’m sorry, Collounsbury, I’d reply to your OP, but I’m too busy hiding under my bed, quaking in fear because some spam email told me that terrorists would strike at the mall tonight. [rolleyes]
[sub]I couldn’t agree more. A healthy amount of concern and precaution only makes sense with a threat of this nature, but methinks it’s being taken entirely too far by some.[/sub]
Oh, Sugarlump, I’m so sorry you had to deal with such rude people. Instead of cringing away from you, they should have just asked you and the Algerian fella to speak in English and to speak loudly and clearly so that everyone who’s standing in line can get all up in your crack. That’s the proper and respectful way to be nosy. I tell you. What is the world coming to. [sigh]
As far as the mail goes, Coll you just have to understand it is after all dangerous. I can feel their pain because I’m scared of the mail. I mean really. Every time I get mail, I don’t want to touch it, even if I have gloves on. I need for some strong, brave fella to pick it up and put it in the trash for me so I won’t have to sully my hands with it because all those credit card applications, solicitations for magazine subscriptions, bills, invitations to join book and CD clubs, and circulars I get mean that someone’s really been thinking about me and profiling me. [shudder]
AHHHHH!!! They know where I live, and they’re coming to get me if I don’t send in that application for a Diamond Visa! I can’t stop the SPAM, Coll! I’m really scared. Will you be my hero and come help me deal with the SPAM? Please, Sweetie? Come open my mail for me?
Meantime I’ll be under the bed quaking with Zanshin.
Well, I’m sorry, but Part 1 made me splort apple juice all over my keyboard. It wasn’t s’posed to be funny, was it? But I mean, dang, the mental image of all those customers standing there paralyzed with fright while the Al Qaeda arrange a secret rendezvous in the middle of a Subway sammitch shop.
yeah right
And not only am I giggling helplessly while I’m mopping apple juice, I’m also furious that I missed it…
Well, I hadn’t thought of it that way, but if you wish to picture it better:
Me, entering shop in the aforementioned gettup. (Actualy kinda outtaplace, but hey, I like veggie subs)
Wait in line. Spot the sub guy’s ring as I am about to order and say, Maghribi? (North African?) (Conversation ensues, as heard by customers Blah Blah blah, Footlong Veggie on Wheat with Swiss Cheese Blah blah blah blah.)
I dunno, but I just gotta guess that most al-Qaeda folks are more the Halal sortta guys and don’t order Veggie Subs on wheat. I could be way wrong on this. Also, Italian suits, being cut real fine, just ain’t high up there on Islamic style. (But hey, I work on my girlish figure.)
Maybe the locals have heard about your baby eating activities.
Now I’ve got a picture of our Coll in a snazzy Italian suit, leaning menacingly across a formica counter top, snarling at the cowering natives.
Awww, Zanshin, you’re welcome. It’s just nice to know that I’ve got two brave, strong, sweet virtual hubbies to take care of me: you to hold me close, keep me warm, and stop my quaking while Coll deals with my evil mail, monsters, and stuff. [giggle] Of course, Coll’s welcome to come join us under the bed where we can be more agreeably engaged, rather than dealing with some silly old Anthrax and rudeass people . . .
[celestina blows Coll & Zanshin a kiss]
Y’all have a nice day.
P.S. To anyone who reads this, life’s too short NOT to spread love and joy. Go out and hug your pet, or a tree, or a friend, or smile at someone and wish them well today.
The local news did a report last night on the troubles cab drivers have had “driving while Muslim.” While it gave the news anchor an excuse to ride around in a cab and ask cab drivers why they are complaining since they themselves never pick up any black people in this town, they failed to show any direct harm or bad stuff happening to Muslim cab drivers. Sure, the report said that income has almost been cut in half, but that’s the case for ALL cab drivers since the tourism and convention biz has dried up. I kept waiting for them to give specific examples: assault? jumping out of the cab without paying? verbal abuse? a steely eyed stare from the back seat? They couldn’t come up with anything specific, but the anchorman sure liked saying “driving while Muslim” a whole lot.
For years, I’ve always asked cab drivers where they are from - For example, I can tell where many of them (especially the West and East Africans) are from by the spelling of their names or by accent, and I love watching the face of a foreigner light up when he realizes that I have some connection or interest in Ghana, Somalia, Ethiopia, Pakistan. I’ve been treated with such friendliness abroad it’s nice to return a little bit. And I always tip like crazy.
It’s scary to think that people might be ignorant and paranoid enough to be mean to cab drivers, but it’s even scarier to see the local news media try to create a story that might have no basis just to keep some connection to the national terrorism crisis at the head of the local news broadcast.
My contribution to the “frivolous fear” thread: Yesterday at lunch someone delivered a plant to our office for one of the vice presidents. A nice, leafy, pretty, green office plant. There was no card stating who it came from, and the delivery slip had no phone number or return address. So he flipped out. He had me trying to find the delivery company in the yellow pages. He refused to touch it or go near it - in fact he made me unwrap it in the first place to look for a card. He is completely freaked out and scared by the fact that someone sent him a plant, and he calls it the Anthrax plant. It’s still sitting next to my desk. Maybe I’ll take it home - it’s a pretty nice plant.
