Fears and thoughts of death.

In My Humble Opinion
1

When I was little, I feared death, but it wasn’t real to me… it seemed like something that only happened to other people. In some sense, I knew that people - even little kids - died, but I had no sense that it also applied to me. Mom mentioned it at times to prevent severe risk-taking behavior. (You know… “Don’t jump from the roof to the tree… you will break your neck AND DIE!”) Another thing is that no one in my immediate family died until I was in my twenties, and that was a grandfather that was abusive to everyone around him. It wasn’t a death that touched me except to provide relief. Thank God, no one I love dearly has died.

It wasn’t until I was almost thirty that it even occurred to me to think about my own mortality as something REAL. Then, I went through a bad patch when it almost drove me crazy, from age 33-34, approximately… Driving along to work, thinking, “This could be the day that I die!!” Thinking about it at night… “What if some natural disaster occurs and I don’t wake up in the morning!” Wondering how it will happen, how much it will hurt, thinking about the different ways people die… Even drunkenly babbling to my friends, at parties “Death is gonna get all of us! Death is coming! Yahh!” (luckily, I don’t drink that often). I didn’t talk about it much (except for when drunk, see above), and it didn’t affect my daily life or functioning, but it dominated my thoughts a lot of the time. Lots of fear and apprehension went along with the thinking.

Then, the last year or so, I haven’t thought about death much. I’ve decided to concentrate on doing a good job with whatever time I have. Don’t know if that’s what helped, or something else. I’ve found some form of acceptance, I guess. Sometimes that random thought pops up on the road, and then I just become a more conscious driver for that trip. But the fear isn’t as palpable as it used to be. I talked to my mom about death recently, and I loved her attitude. I said, “Aren’t you scared?” and she shrugged and said, “Shit happens. It’s part of life.” (I love my mom.)

Anyway, this is a roundabout way of asking about Dopers’ experiences with fears and thoughts of death… When did you first think about your mortality? Ages, circumstances, life events that coincided with your awareness? What kinds of feelings/thoughts/etc. have dominated your experience? …Just curious…

2

I’m 42. I can’t remember ever being afrain to die, and at times have even prayed for death. Life has never been a real hoot for me, and I figure in the great scheme of things, what does it matter if I live to be 25 or 75? I also am very firmly Catholic, so I have a strong belief in an after-life, which probably helps. I figure whatever comes next HAS to be better than my present existance.

StG

3

This is not a board fro witnessing, but I’ll at least tell you that you ought to go to Church. Personally I would choose a non-denominational one or one that has (Christian Fellowship" in the name. Talk to the folks there and they can help you out.

As for me and death, I held my six-year-old daughter as she died. Cancer took her life, but I know where she is and I know I’ll see her again.

4

“When did you first think about your mortality?”

  • I remember it quite clearly. I was 11 (in 5th grade at the time) and watching an episode of Star Trek: TNG (I’m a geek, I know). It was the one where the Enterprise is abducted by a powerful being who is experimenting with human death. I’ll skip the rest of the details, but at some point in the episode I had the thought “What if it was me?” I’m an atheist, so there is no after-life for me, just one big Doper-con in the sky… anyway, long story short, I have never since vomitted in fear, lol.

As far as how it’s been for the rest of my life (about 8 years later)…it creeps up every now and then…for the most part I think I have that gut-wrenching terror under control, but it still manages to squeeze out from time to time and I just feel like running (stupid fight or flight response).

I wish I had some great advice for you, but I can tell you that you’re not alone in this matter…if that’s any consolation…

(BTW, I’m sorry if this hasn’t been an encouraging response to your OP, but… I figured honesty and forthrightness were what you were looking for)

5

There has only been one period in my life when I had some fear of death, and that was for a short time when I believed in Christianity, in my 30’s. I’ve always had a different idea about the whole religion issue and thankfully now I have gone back to my original beliefs.

As I have had serious medical problems for many years I’ve often had to think about and face death. I know I will not be living a long life, but that’s fine, I’ve lived a full life. I see life after death as whole new experience and adventure, though I’m not looking forward to the process of dying. If the atheists are right and there is nothing after death, so be it.

6

In my teens, I used to lie awake some nights, terrified by the idea of my own death. It took a few years for that gut-wrenching fear to subside. Now it doesn’t really affect me the same way, although I do wonder about it from time to time. Being atheist, it was the idea that I would simple cease to be that had me so scared. I guess with time comes acceptance, although it’s acceptance in the form “Someday this will happen to me” rather than “Someday soon this will happen to me”, which is quite another kettle of fish.

7

Ya know, I never thought of the religion/afterlife aspect of my attitude towards death. In the past I was a pagan/agnostic (yeah, try blending those two together - I think it was/is more like a healthy dose of skepticism inherent in me, whatever I believe) and pretty much figured “I” was going to disappear. About a year and a half ago, I became a born again Christian and now have hopes of a good afterlife. That may have helped to ease the problem. (Note the continuing vein of skepticism, however…I know, not usually an aspect of Christianity, but it’s my personality!)

My other observation is that this mortality focused time in my life initiated not long after the 9/11 attacks. That event really made me focus on things I didn’t want to think about. I suppose people in Israel and other war-torn countries come to think about and accept their own death in a much earlier time frame.

Thanks for your thought provoking replies so far! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who experienced “gut wrenching fear” only to find acceptance later! Oh, and Call me Frank… you got it right on the money. Honest thoughts are what I’m looking for… this is a topic I haven’t even talked to my friends about IRL(except for those embarrassing intoxicated moments I mentioned). Thanks for your responses.

8

I reckon I’d make a good undertaker.

Death doesn’t bother me at all. I’m not entirely sure why but I just don’t get any emotional response from the thought of my own death. For some reason the grade school saying “you didn’t exist before you were born so you shouldn’t care about not existing after you die” is something I find comforting. I also handle dead bodies a bit at the hospital I work at, and again just don’t have any feelings, other than maybe curiosity. I’ve had 2 people die while I was holding them and didn’t get any kind of spiritual kick out of it; one minute they were breathing, the next they weren’t.

I’m pretty laid back about religion. While I don’t believe strongly in any afterlife, I’m also not convinced there isn’t one either. I’m kinda looking forward to my own death just to see what happens next. That’s not anything to do with suicide, by the way, I may be anticipating it with curiosity but I’m not about to hasten dying!

9

I’ve had to deal with a lot of death - grandparents, aunts, uncles, my dad, a cousin, inlaws, friends, coworkers… It was just something I dealt with then moved on, until my dad died. Suddenly my mortality is very real to me. And it’s not so much that I fear death as I worry about those I’ll leave behind. I don’t want to leave loose ends for my husband and daughter to deal with.

Of course, that hasn’t made me any more diligent about putting my affairs in order - maybe that’s denial on my part. Maybe it’s just turning 50. Maybe he and I need to get our wills done. Ya just never know.

10

I went through a couple years of thinking about my own death, especially late at night when I was trying to sleep. Turned into somewhat of an insomniac afterwards. I’m an athiest.

I think what helped me the most was something I read, somewhere. Thing is, you’ll never BE dead. You will BE until the moment of your death, and you won’t ever exist as a dead person. You will always be alive.

I guess that’s not a comforting thought, but it quieted the concerns I was having.

11

In response to the OP, you can look at it like this: if your death is something you can prevent, then you should worry about it. If you smoke, eat cheeseburgers three times a day, drive while intoxicated, like to play Russian roulette, etc., then you have patterns of behavior that you can change and extend your life.

WARNING! LIFE’S GREATEST SPOILER AHEAD!!! DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU LIKE TO PEEK AT THE END!!!

Everybody dies. Even if you seal yourself inside your home and drink only purified water while eating all natural food, never going outside so that you can’t be hit by a truck, and only play with a Playstation instead of with a loaded gun, your body will age and wear out. That’s just the way it works. You’re born, you live, you die, the end.

Like some of the others here, I’m non religious, so death in my mind means ceasing to be. I won’t be conscious of my state of non-being, so it’s pointless to worry about it. It’s a non issue. My big concern is avoiding the suffering that could come before death. So I take reasonable care in my life to make sure that doesn’t happen, at least by my actions. I think a good lifelong goal is to die peacefully in your sleep. :slight_smile: On the other hand, if someone runs a red light and takes me out, there’s not much I can do about it. Or if some idiot blows himself up right next to me. Or the big one hits while I’m visiting California. It’s out of my control. As such it goes into the “pointless to worry about” category.

Put your energies into something that happens every day. Things like paying your bills, making sure you’re fed, and keeping your personal relationships happy and healthy are good examples. That’s everyday life. After all, death only happens once, and that’s something everybody gets right without any practice.

Worrying is a form of suffering, IMHO, and it’s worse because you do it to yourself. You can “what if” yourself to the point where you’re afraid to do anything and at the end of your life you won’t have any memories except living in fear. If you don’t do something stupid, odds are you’ll survive today. And tomorrow. And the day after. Allow yourself to live a little and enjoy it!

This wad of pseudo-philosophical cotton candy has been brought to you by…

EZ

12

Ever heard of failed suicides?

Seriously, though: You live, you die, you die you live. To live is to die, and to die is to live.

man, do I love drunken ramblings.

13

Atheist. No belief in any “afterlife.” Quite looking forward to the cool, calm quiet of the grave, thanks.

And there better not be any such thing as reincarnation, either, or I will be the most pissed-off baby you’ve ever seen.

14

Y’know, as a teenager myself, that actually happens to me a good bit. The thought of ceasing to be conscious is quite terrifying at the time. And yet…the rest of the time I just don’t think about it.

15

When I think about eternity, I get scared shitless. I’m 25, and that doesn’t seem like a long time at all compared to my entire life span (I’m going to live to be 1846), but even that compared to the infinite amount of time the universe has…my life, no matter how long, will be nothing, and the thought of my conciousness lasting such an infantasmal amount in this great ocean of time…well, that terrifies me that no matter how full to the brim I live my life, it’s not going to matter, because when I die, I won’t know anything forever more, and that scares the shit out of me.
Man, I need a hug.

16

I’m a Christian, but I have trouble believing so confidently in an afterlife, and the thought of not existing ever again scares me completely shitless. I try not to think about it.

17

Lol! …Maybe that’s why babies scream so much!!!

And, ErinPuff, my sentiments exactly. I am jealous of the Christians who are so totally sure there is a Heaven and they are going there. It’s really difficult to truly, totally convince me of anything anyway, let alone an afterlife that has no Earthly proof. Then there is the even worse question, if Heaven and Hell do exist, where exactly am I going to go? :eek:

Oh well, I guess that’s why I really don’t think about these things so much anymore.

18

Just in case it wasn’t obvious from my original reply, I’m an atheist so I’ve pondered that question as well. Lol, I figure it’s my version of “questioning my faith”…anyway, my personal opinion is that the Christian god is whatever the individual Christian wants it to be, really. So if there is a god, I figure I’d be destined for “heaven” rather than hell for a variety of reasons. First off, I think the prospect of damning someone to eternal suffering is incredibly cruel and can’t imagine that a god that spawned christianity would do that. And secondly, I think even if there would be a hell, your actions in your life would have to dictate admittance…not your faith.

All of that doesn’t quite make me an agnostic, just a hopeful atheist, lol!

19

That…is my exact problem. I don’t fear death…I fully expect it sometime. I’m just about 35 now and the problem isn’t death at all. It’s the loss of ‘me’. It’s not really a fear…it’s a weird terrifying thought that everything I’ve learned, yearned and done can be gone in an instant. It seems that 98% of all these things you can never pass on because they’re only part of me…or you.