I haven’t talked about this to anyone I know, and since this board is pretty anonymous, I’d like to talk about it a little while I can.
I’m 21, finishing college, have a really supportive family, but I find it super difficult to form connections with people. I’d say, in general, most people I meet have a positive impression of me, but it’s hard to keep them interested after a certain amount of time. Only my closest friend has a real interest in keeping in touch with me, but 90% of the time I’m the first to reach out to someone. Sometimes it works out.
I just had a “friendship breakup” with a girl I was really close to for 5 years. We would talk for hours and have fun. A few months ago we had a really petty argument where she made some insulting fake accusations and I decided it was over. She had lied to me before in the past, but we were so close I decided to look past it. But it’s over now and I miss have the feeling of just having to pick up the phone and having someone to talk to.
Something I’m sorta embarrassed about is that I haven’t had any physical romantic events with a woman. One girl held my hand as a joke (really odd situation), but otherwise completely nothing. I have been on dates before but nothing felt right. I’m not sour about it, or blame anyone but myself, but it bothers me sometimes. Maybe I was a “Nice Guy” in the past (but never with bad intentions), but I’ve gained confidence in the past years and I feel like a good person. Am I good looking? I don’t know. I’m pretty skinny, short-ish and sometimes have mild acne (and I’ve worked really hard at keeping it under control), but otherwise, I don’t feel ugly. Average at best. I have a good sense of humor, but not the best in the looks department. Sometimes this bothers me, other times not so much. It would just be nice for the companionship.
That’s what’s been on my mind for a few weeks. I been really depressed before, not so much right now, but the loneliness is bothering me. Thanks for reading. Just had to get this of my chest.
Edit: I meant to post this in MPSIMS. Moderators you can feel free to move it.
If it helps any, you’re not alone. I hope you meet someone who brings you happiness, and who finds happiness with you. Until then, draw what strength you can from friends, family, and the wonders of the world around you.
I think a lot of people find themselves floundering a bit after university; I know I did. This isn’t helped by comparing oneself to people who seem to effortlessly surround themselves with friends. It will really help if you’re able to feel fairly comfortable in solitude which, ironically, will be appealing to potential friends/partners, as neediness is always a turn-off. But once you get a job and a regular pub to frequent (why yes, I am British…) things should pick up a bit.
I sympathize, but it’s very difficult to give you advice from that brief account of your situation, without knowing you. I have a feeling there are issues you are not mentioning.
What were the ‘insulting fake accusations’ your friend made? Could there be some truth in them?
A generic but still valid suggestion: find a way to help other people. If you are good at something, find a group using that skill to help others. If you aren’t, find a group that doesn’t need skills to help others. Tutoring children, serving in a soup kitchen, mowing old ladies’ lawns, just think of something/s and start doing them.
If you are religious, churches are designed for these kinds of things. But there are many other options.
Also look for other group activities: improv, hiking, model train competitions, anything you are interested in at all, that is done in a group at least some of the time.
In my opinion, healthy romantic attachments are a product of good social skills. Social skills are acquired by practice. Practice consists of trying, being awkward, failing, adjusting, and trying again.
As I said, generic advice, for what it’s worth.
Agreeing with what others have said in terms of seeking things out. Are you familiar with Meetup? There may be something in your area that appeals. Get involved with things and give it a fair go (say three times at least) before abandoning it. I really hope you find something that works for you.