OK. I expect no answers. This is the only means I have now to continue my quest…
I changed thru the years from a optimist to a bitter pessimist.
I have NO family (a fact - in a direct sense). Friends don’t pay no attention any more to such a weirdo. At work I am due to this vulnerable and often attacked. I gave up resistence. No way to explain the situation. I am dying.
I go now to sleep.
I realllllllyyy hope you mean sleep, sleep. Call a friend. Read a good book. Have a cup of cocoa. Get drunk. Whatever makes you feel better, do it now. Take a day off tomorrow and just do something you love doing. Please.
Okay, you, get back in here and explain this situation. Tell us what is going wrong, and let us sympathize, give you advice, and kick your ass if necessary. That’s what we’re here for (well, that and Jarbaby’s swearing.)
@Hamlet: Thanks much appreciated ! I am getting drunk now, but it solves nothing…
Here is the situation: Our company does not perform very well and I fear getting sacked. Being almost 40 my chances
here in Europe are not very good to stay in business.
I suffered a disease (not threatning but anyway awkward)
until I was 32.
As I already said I have no family (No parents, no grand- parents, no brothers or sisters, no wife or children)
This evening: I have not spoken a word (as yesterday)to ANYBODY
My friends, not much, have married all and do pay not much attention to me.
I am in serious depts to banks (house, car) and my boss is not promising anything interesting.
This lasts almost a year now and isn’t improved by the terrorist attacks…
I feel I am paralysed totally…
Z (may I call you Z?),
You are absolutely right, drinking does not help. It is just a temporary thing. But when you wake up tomorrow, call in sick. Whatever you really enjoy doing sightseeing, reading, making balloon animals, do it for awhile. You deserve a little time to yourself just to enjoy life. When you’re done with that, you might want to get some help, psychologically speaking. It may just be a temporary thing, but it may also help you out immensely. Depression is a dark cloud, but with counseling and maybe even some medical help, it is controllable. Good Luck, and hang in there.
Life is what you make it. You have friends online? I mean people you really know. Debij and I are as close as two people can be. Yet our relationship is 99% online. We have met in person and will eventually be man and wife. Don’t be one of those that says online is pretend. We know it isn’t.
Good luck.
Hang in there and get help. I hope just being able to express your feelings here has been of help. Chin up and good luck!
From the sound of what you said, you sound like you are clinically depressed. Depression is not just feeling sad or feeling sorry for yourself. Depression is caused by outside influences affecting the production of Seratonin in your brain. I know it sounds kinda stuffy and medical sounding, but it is. Depression is a low seratonin level. Because it’s low, your brain can’t deal with stress and your day to day life.
I suffer from clinical depression. I have been taking first Serzone for a year, and then I changed to Welbutrin for the second year. I also see a psychologist - not because I am crazy or anything, but to get help re-learning how to deal with the stress in healthier ways than my old ways. I have explored hypnosis, and other types of counseling. I am no where near the same as I was 2 years ago when I was an emotional mess. I still have problems now and then, we all do. But I’m much better than I was - the medicine helps.
Please, go see someone - even if it’s your doctor.
Take some peace, some happiness in knowing that there are people out there who DO care. Sometimes life seems too hard to bother living. Take a walk, look at the leaves. Watch little children. Finger paint. Sing. Listen to good music. Sleep.
If you ever need someone to talk to, there are Dopers (especially me) that are perfectly willing to listen. If we can help, we shall.
Z, listen to Hamlet. Quite literally, it is “to be, or not to be…” What shall it be? If you want your life to mean something, make something out of it. As Hamlet mentioned, get outdoors, breathe some fresh air, feed the ducks or pigeons. Open up your world. I’d be willing to wager a tidy sum it has been some time since you last went for a nice walk in the park. Bundle up in a warm coat and take a stroll. Drop by a shop on the way home and buy some rich milk, some powdered chocolate and some whipping cream. Make yourself some hot chocolate and curl up with your favorite book. Treat yourself nice!. If you don’t, no one else is going to.
Pessimism is a dangerous path to tread, all too often it is a one way street. The more negative you become the less appealing it is for friends to spend time with you. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesey. Only you can break that pattern. It feels like pulling teeth throught your rectum at first but the rewards will keep you coming back for more.
Feel free to email me or find me for some chat. You are not alone.
Ooooh…I’ve done this. It’s creepybad.
You’re not alone. You’re not faceless. You are an individual who is important to the world. I swear to you that this is true. Promise.
If it helps at all, my e-mail is in my profile and I’m willing to correspond about anything/everything…if you want to swap e-mail with a babbling American college student.
Beyond that, get a social circle. The single greatest thing that got me out of that aching/humming/lonely/faceless/dead feeling was a constant Friday night out with a crew of people. I didn’t even know them all that well when we started. No drinking, just BSing(and a common hobby of roleplaying) and I got in the habit of knowing I’d spend 10 hours on Friday laughing. In person, warm and alive.
Beyond that, this is depression, my friend, time to battle it with a vengence. Any help I can lend, don’t hesitate to reach.
I hate to think of anyone with a screen name as great as yours going through this difficult time.
I was there pal, three months ago. I felt like getting under the blankets and never coming out.
And now, I’m getting better. And there’s no greater feeling than getting better.
And YOU will get better. This board does a great job of helping people through shitstorms. Enough of us have been there that we can give great advice.
But you need to help yourself as well.
jarbaby
Thanks for caring and the good advice. I do already feel better knowing I am not alone here but there is still a lot of work to be done.
I think the board has offered great advice, and just wanted to add one more thing. Try and do one positive thing a day, and you will be amazed at how fast it can snowball. Remember it will take lots of baby steps to get to a better place, but you WILL get there if you try.
Great advice, World Eater. Remember the old saying , Z;
“Even dwarves started out small.”
As for you, Medea’s Child, Your graciousness has not gone unnoticed. I’m glad to see so many other dopers opening their hearts in this situation.
Baby steps, Z. Baby steps.
PS: I’ll make you a deal, Z. If you are willing to email me a mailing address, I’ll send you a super cool CD of music that you have probably never heard before. I’ll let you pick from the various compilations I have created. I have many styles and everyone who has heard any of them has enjoyed them immensely.
And if you want, I’ll send you the Jarbaby’s Official Soundtrack CD.
My god, we’ll build your collection yet!
Zweistein’s greatest hits vol. 7 anyone? 
Don’t worry, soon you will be feeling bitter, but in a Sith Ifrikan way;)
Get Laid 