He’s not shy. He’s quite chatty and friendly. But he says and does things that could be described as “awkward”. For instance, he’s fond of telling me whenever he sees me outside of the office. “I saw you standing on the intersection of 1st and 5th this weekend. You were wearing a black turtleneck sweater, and you looked very serious, like all the young ladies look nowadays.” I’ve certainly heard worse, but that’s still borderline creepy.
Just an update…we had a “normal” conversation in the breakroom a few minutes ago. No mention was made of yesterday by either of us. So the weirdness between us is fading. Thank goodness.
A lot of socially incompetent people are not particularly introspective, so awkward encounters don’t haunt their brain for very long. They don’t ruminant on how they should have done something better, or carry around a lot of guilt for crossing boundaries.
It is probably for this reason that they are socially incompetent in the first place. They don’t learn.
Have you ever worked in a workplace where groping someone is appropriate, regardless of gender?
The “Don’t touch me” wasn’t premeditated on my part, it was a reflex. I don’t think I would have even been able to NOT do what I did, because it was completely spontaneous on my part.
I am easily startled. When I worked in the cubicles, people would intentionally sneak up behind me and laugh when I’d shriek in terror. Was this an appropriate reaction on my part? I don’t know. I don’t know how you can judge a visceral response. But I do know intentionally startling me was inappropriate. Calling us both to the carpet for behaving inappropiately doesn’t seem fair to me.
I think you and I have quite different definitions of “grope”.
I’m not saying your reaction was meditated, and hey, I’d be the first to admit I’ve unintentionally snapped at co-workers. The difference is that I’ve immediately recognised the strength of my reaction and apologised if I felt it was over the top for a workplace.
I don’t think it was over the top for the workplace. I think squeezing someone’s arm when you aren’t on “squeezing arm terms” is over the top for the workplace. The fact that you, personally, may not have found it bothersome does not make it “workplace appropriate” behavior. And yes, it was groping.
I shall shut the door the next time I’m tempted to engage in light exercise early in the morning.
You’re fine, a bit of an overreaction but whatever. Dude was getting all grabby and you hit your limit. You probably startled the crap out of him with it, and yeah, it’s going to be awkward because up to this point you’ve led him to believe that it was okay. If you guys get along otherwise, maybe take him aside and say, “Dude, we’re cool. Just be less handsy.” If he’s awkward after than then that’s something he needs to work on. IF, HOWEVER, dude is a little too high on your skeev-o-meter, then you (finally :P) made the right call and should just let it go.
You do lose points for not speaking up sooner. Like twelve or thirteen points.
You did everything 100% right in my book. You shouldn’t have to put up with anyone touching you that you don’t want to. Who cares if it took you a while to work up the courage to say something. I also don’t agree with the idea that you should put yourself in another uncomfortable situation discussing it with him. If you do discuss it with him you give him a chance to say “I’m just a touchy feely guy” or “I’m just being friendly” then you have to step up again and say NO. Maybe I’m anti- touching compared to other people but it’s really inappropriate to me.