I don’t know what to do anymore. I have depression and it is killing me. If not killing me, then at least tearing my life apart. I dropped three semesters of university last year. I am still in my final year, but I can’t seem to do it. I can’t concentrate. I can’t think. I am just trying to get up in the morning and not cry. Attending class is hit or miss. I am falling behind, can’t seem to write anything for my papers.
At home at night I just seem to cry. I feel so guilty. I want to die and I feel so guilty when I look at my SO and know that he would never understand. I feel so miserable and he is so wonderful, but I still feel so miserable.
Soon I will either fall or withdraw from my classes. Maybe someone will give me an incomplete instead. How can I justify all the money spent on classes that I can’t finish. What am I supposed to be doing with this life. I doubt I would be able to hold a steady job if I dropped out. I don’t even know if I would be able to hold a job when I finish. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this.
I think I am ruining my life. I am disappointing everyone around me. I want to be able to go to school to classes that I like and do well. I don’t understand why I feel like this. I don’t know what to do to get better.