I don’t know what to do anymore. I have depression and it is killing me. If not killing me, then at least tearing my life apart. I dropped three semesters of university last year. I am still in my final year, but I can’t seem to do it. I can’t concentrate. I can’t think. I am just trying to get up in the morning and not cry. Attending class is hit or miss. I am falling behind, can’t seem to write anything for my papers.
At home at night I just seem to cry. I feel so guilty. I want to die and I feel so guilty when I look at my SO and know that he would never understand. I feel so miserable and he is so wonderful, but I still feel so miserable.
Soon I will either fall or withdraw from my classes. Maybe someone will give me an incomplete instead. How can I justify all the money spent on classes that I can’t finish. What am I supposed to be doing with this life. I doubt I would be able to hold a steady job if I dropped out. I don’t even know if I would be able to hold a job when I finish. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this.
I think I am ruining my life. I am disappointing everyone around me. I want to be able to go to school to classes that I like and do well. I don’t understand why I feel like this. I don’t know what to do to get better.
First thing you need to do is call your school’s councelling center and make an appointment. It’s an incredibly hard step - but by just posting this, you are saying you need some help and there’s no shame in that. Go talk to a therapist. If you feel like you can’t say something, write it down and give it to him/her.
I’m sure there are other issues that are making you depressed besides school - once you get those taken care of, school will fall into place. Try to keep going to classes if you can, being out of your apartment, house, or room, should help you feel better a bit. The very first thing, though, is to take care of yourself and do something about this - talk to a therapist. Talk to your instructors - you don’t have to tell them everything but explain it as well as you can, hopefully they’ll be willing to help you out some with grades and maybe missed assignments and stuff.
Please take care of yourself, and my email is in my profile if you want to talk.
I agree that you should call the school counseling center but if you can’t see someone within the next 24 hours I think you should immediately see a medical doctor, even if you have to go to the walk-in clinic. Plan what you will say to the doctor or counselor ahead of time so the whole visit is less stressful. Don’t not go because you worry what people will think of you. Not many people any more think that a person can control depression, or that you can get rid of depression on your own. Don’t automatically think your SO won’t understand.
I was this depressed once and discovered it was caused by birth control pills, see if your depression seemed to start after you started taking any new medications.
See someone today… people can help and it will help you feel less hopeless to have a plan. You will feel better than this, don’t doubt it for a minute. This is not a permanent thing.