I’m sad.
I’m very sad.
And I’m ambivalent. I’m worried. I’m concerned. I don’t care. Everytime I have an emotion, it’s negated by another contradictory one. Everytime I have a thought, it’s made invalid by another thought, completely opposite of the first.
I don’t know where I am going to college. I don’t know IF I’m going to college. I don’t know if I want to. But I do.
School is getting difficult. That invigorates and frustrates me stimultaneously.
I love my family. I hate them. There is nothing I want more than to find a new place, and leave. But at the same time, I never want to go.
All I have is my BF, and sometimes I don’t even want to be around him.
I don’t want to read, but I need a good book. I don’t want to be on the computer, but I crave the glow from the monitor. I don’t want to eat, but I’m constantly looking for food. I don’t want to get out of bed, but I thrive in my weekly exercise classes.
I know this is temporary, and I’ll grow out of it. Or maybe I never will, and this is my first taste of the “real world”. I just don’t know.
Does anybody have any answers?
You’re still a teenager, so yes, you’re supposed to feel like this. It is normal.
This time in your life is so full of changes, some will be for the better, and some will suck. But this is the time to learn from everything that happens. You will grow up from the wise young woman that you are to a much wiser older woman, a woman of substance.
FWIW, you will have moments like this for the rest of your life. But how you learn to deal with them now will help you when you face them later.
(((pepper))) You’ll survive. I know you probably sometimes feel like you won’t, but you will, and you will be better for it.
I do understand how you are feeling. It can be so hard when you are thinking about what you are going to do with the rest of your life. It is TOTALLY normal, I think we all do it, lots of times in life. To try and make things a little easier I am going to say that whatever you do if you hate it you can do something different. If you go to school and don’t like it leave. If you don’t go and wish you had, so go. I think that we have so many choices you just keep choosing until you make the right one.
Good Luck.
And isn’t it great Coldfire that we can see both sides of things? (insert smiley here…)
FWIW, pepper, I didn’t mean to make light of your situation. I’ve been there before, to some extend. It’s just that men usually grow out of this fase, whereas some women… don’t. All IMHO, so don’t judge me too hard
Thank you Persephone and Nika for your encouragement. I appreciate it greatly. It’s nice to know that in this sea of confusion, there are people who have navigated the waters before.
And Coldy Clogs, you know I love ya. I would never judge you TOO harshly. =)
Hang in there PG. We all go through that and it WILL pass. But be warned it may descend upon you again sometime in the future.
Meanwhile, just remember that life is what you make it and that you’ve always got friends here.
{{{{PG}}}}
And I partly agree with Clogboy - at the risk of generalising, females do seem to spend an extreme amount of time fretting and placing stress on themselves. Of course we men do too but not as frequently.
{{{{Nika}}}} What? I need a reason?!?
PLG, I felt exactly the same way when I was your age. Now, some thirty years later, I still feel that way. Just not all the time, so I guess that’s an improvement.
I feel that way alot too. I just get so apathetic that even watching TV doesn’t sound like something I want to do. It always passes. Hang in there Pepperlandgirl.
