Do your current GF a favor and break up with her.
You’ve only been together for a year and already you’re get’n the itch?
It only gets harder as time goes by.
That is of course, unless first, you go out and play Mr. Gigalo untill you’re absolutely sick-n-tired of the game and sick of strange women all togetherl.
THEN you’ll be ready to settle down.
This is why I agree that people shouldn’t get married before 30. And no I’m no a Dr. Laura fan.
OK, I didn’t preview and missed your last post sniperfang better line of logic.
Please disregard my last post.
:: nods emphatically ::
:: agrees emphatically ::
To the OP, re: the OP —
I don’t see the problem unless you’ve promised the new person not to have sex with people other than her.
Have you given her any reason to assume mutual exclusivity?
Are you serious?
Um, the OP said:
If that is not a reason for both to assume mutual exclusivity, then I don’t know what is. 
In most of our worlds, when you’re dating someone for a year and you you say you “love” them and that they’re a “keeper,” that means you’re mutually exclusive. (Unless you’re both into polyamory.)
Why assume otherwise?
There is no logical reason to assume otherwise. (There is no reason to assume they are NOT mutually exclusive, given their dating history)
The OP doesn’t strike me as indicative of someone who is inclined to bond with only one person. I’ve never understood that in anyone, but I accept that many folks say that’s what does it for them. But why promise it if your gut inclination is to keep your sexual options open and/or to not see a good relationship with one person as a compelling reason to avoid getting involived in an appealing relationship with someone else? Moreover, why assume that to be the rule if it hasn’t been discussed? These things I totally do not understand.
Ya wanna be monogamous and exclusivist, go right ahead, but what’s with the hair shirt y’all insist on wearing?
Oh, I am so in lust with yonder sexy person. But I am spoken for, so I mustn’t. But I want to. Oh gee, I think in spite of the promises I made, this is just too tempting, this is just too delicious and it might make me really happy. Oh please tell me I am wicked for thinking this way. Umm, hi, uh, I was unfaithful and I feel like scuzz. Except that the sex was really fantastic and she’s coming over again tonight and we’ll probably do it again. How do I tell my wife, she’ll be so hurt and angry? Oh, I shouldn’t tell her, but I should repent and break it off with the other gal. Hey, I think my wife is cheeeeting on me! Grr! Oh, oops, probably not, I’m just being jealously insane. Went through her purse, poked around in her email, I feel so bad for not trusting her but geez she might be having sex with some other guy. If I find anything I have to break up with her, I’d hate that because we are so good together. Oh geez, dopers, whatever shall I do?
Tell me, do any of y’all get anything out of it besides ulcers, suspicions, frustrations, and mistrust? I could see it if you were truly monogamous & inherently one-on-one by nature, but as far as I can tell most of you are no more so than I am. Why do you do this to yourselves and each other?
To agree with others, I’ll paraphrase the dialogue from an episode of “Coach.”
“Bury it. Bury it DEEP. And then, throw the shovel into the hole and bury IT too!!”
It is simply a practical matter Ahunter3. If someone is a remotely traditional person who entertains thoughts of having a family and being a somewhat “normal” member of society, that is what you have to come to grips with one day. No one has to into that against their will but the trade offs can be fierce. It isn’t a matter of what should or shouldn’t be. It is about very real consequences now and some that could ambush you anytime in the future.
To the people that say that you wouldn’t think about cheating if you really loved “her”. Bullshit. It is two different things and almost all guys entertain the notion of having sex with who they want when they want. You can love one and lust over an infinite number at the same time. Saying otherwise is the product a romance fantasy created by someone in deep denial and reality issues.
At some point you just have to be a man and realize that you can’t do everything you want and be a responsible person. You may or may not get caught by others. You will screw with your own head for a long while and that is a high price to pay for fleeting tempation.
If you don’t want to cheat, I agree with the others that avoiding the situation is best. On the other hand, if you want to nail your ex, be discreet. If you cheat, it’s your responsibility to make sure your girlfriend never, ever, finds out. That’s the price you pay for doing it.
I get happiness out of it - I am inherently one-on-one by nature.
So, tell me, what do you get out of an endless stream of temporary relationships based on lust? At the end of the day, when you’re old and in the nursing home and you look back on your life, you might say, “damn I got a lot of pussy in my day!” while you spend the rest of your waning days alone. To me that is depressing. But that, of course, is just my opinion.
Like I said before, if sniperfang is even entertaining the idea of cheating, then he certainly is not ready to be in a relationship with his current girlfriend, and may never be a one-on-one type of person. He should end it now rather than break her heart down the road.
I am really glad to have gotten to your post on the decision you have made sniperfang. I think it the wise thing to do. As someone who has made really poor choices in the past, and lived to regret them, I applaud your doing the right thing.
Before getting to that post, I was going to suggest you visualize the situation when the affair came to light and the face of the woman you love when she realizes the truth. Can you picture the pain in those eyes? The gasping breath from the crushing weight on her chest? The agony that you have caused?
You’ve done the right thing.
Not everyone is like you, by nature.
Let me point out the obvious that you already had that piece of tail. You already got the thrills out of it and another ride on the roller-coaster isn’t going to give you nearly the same thrill as the first one. The cost/benefit analysis works out massively against this.
I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been in one. I suppose I’ve been in quite a few relationships that turned out to be temporary, and I suppose insofar as the “stream” has not come to any obvious termination point you could categorize it as “endless”, but all of my relationships have been companionable, loving, caring, soul-sharing relationships. I’m still in touch with many of those I’m not romantically involved with any more, on a good-friends basis.
I think you’re trying to imply that exclusivity-based possessive relationships are in some fashion…less “shallow”?
Cite, please.
& Please examine your hitherto unexamined assumptions.
Youve made your point AHunter3, and thats fine. I have friends who are into the whole polyamory thing, and it seems to work for them.
Me? Call me old fashioned. I dont see it working for me. There exists a contradiction in my outlook - thanks to the farcical marriage my parents endured for many years, I have my doubts about marriage being the best solution out there for people who want to spend their lives together. At the same time, I fundamentally believe in monogamy. Go figure.
The point I am trying to make here is that yes, this is a monogamous situation, hence the conflict and the guilt I was feeling. If it was one of those we’re-both-free-to-bang-anything-that-moves situations, then I wouldn’t really have a problem, would I?
I’m glad to see that most of the dopers responding on the OP seemed to think that the right thing to do would be to get a grip, not berate myself to much for having a bit of an itch, and to be a man and stand by my commitment to my girlfriend. I don’t know why, but it gladdens the heart, it does.
Well I wouldn’t consider committed exclusive relationships to be “possessive,” so let’s remove that assumtion from your question.
My cite is thousands of years of human history. Yeah some people are polyamorous and polygamous, but the majority are not. I think it’s human nature to want to be with one person. I think it’s programmed into us because it’s biologically beneficial to the success of the species. And it’s just plain awesome to find someone you love enough to agree to forsake all others.
This line of thinking is ultimately pretty shallow. A “lust” driven relationship devoid of love is shallow, IMHO. The ideal situation is to lust after the person you love and who you are committed to.
I feel like the luckiest girl in the world in that I find my SO to be the sexiest guy I have ever seen and I lust after him something fierce. And on top of that, I love him for many other reasons. AHunter3, I think that if you met a person that you felt the same way about, you would rethink your attitudes about commitment and monogamy.
Yay, sniperfang, I am so proud of you!! 
<gives pat on the back>