Feeling very stressed

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Right now, my level of stress seems to be increasing every day and I could use some advice. What do you do to help de-stress? Here’s the deal;

I work full time at a job that is OK. It’s not my biggest joy, but I don’t hate it. The main drawback is that the pay is quite low. I’ve returned to school in order to try something else and earn more money. So far I’ve gone one semester (started last fall) and have a 3.0 GPA. Not bad - I work full time and go to school full time. I have some grants, but the rest is being paid for with student loans.

Our finances used to be in good shape, but things are tough right now - we can pay the bills, but there’s not a lot of room for saving money towards emergencies. Just when I have enough of a stash to feel like we have a cushion, something happens - car repairs, unexpected bill, etc.

I know a lot of my stress is situational. Here’s a good one. I fell behind on paying insurance and registration for my car. Got pulled over for having expired tags. Was dumb enough to tell the cop that I didn’t have insurance at the time. My car was impounded for that reason, and to get it out cost $160. Had a court date Wednesday. Didn’t know my ass from my elbow, and need to go back and talk to the prosecutor about a plea bargain. In the meantime, I have a bond of $500 and need to be fingerprinted. I have never been in legal trouble in my life, but lack of auto insurance for part of November has me in a world of trouble. From what I’ve heard from others, usually you’re asked to show up at the courthouse with proof of insurance and it’s a $25 fine for not having proof on you. My statement that I didn’t have any was incredibly dumb. I didn’t know that at the time, and am paying the price now. Never, never go without car insurance.

In the fall when I was considering going back to school, what held me back was the cost. Student loans at my age is a scary thought. I am 40. Dad always encouraged me to go back to school, and said he would substantially help with the cost, repeatedly told me that he would reimburse me if I got good grades. OK. Well, that hasn’t happened. I know that school will help me make more money, so am trying to perservere and not think about the student loans.

I just found out that a new manager hired recently at work was hired in at 20% more than I make. I was hired at the same time as someone else, and we both make less than the new gal. She was hired in a pinch when they really needed someone and they gave her what she asked for. That’s tough to take when the other woman and I were told that we couldn’t be paid any more than what we were offered.

I used to own a small business, and figured the taxes that I owed to the state for 2004 incorrectly. I’ve been working with them to resolve it, but am dealing with some pretty stiff penalties and interest. It will take a while to repay, and really cuts into our budget. It’s been a nightmare filing the needed paperwork, then re-filing it when it’s misplaced, then re-filing it when that guy quit and another gets my case… I kid you not. I’ve made several payments so far, and just got paperwork that didn’t reflect any of them - still had the original totals with MORE penalties added. Good thing I have the bank statements to prove that I paid, but now I need to submit those, and on and on. I’ve been dealing with this since last summer and don’t see an end in sight anytime soon.

I keep telling myself that this too shall pass. I know that I’ve brough a lot on myself, and feel guilty for making these mistakes. But, I keep thinking that If I just try each day to make things better and progress towards my goals, it will help. Instead I’m feeling more and more stress every day.

I used to have panic attacks, but not anymore. My concern is that I’ll start to have them again. I think it’s time to see a doctor and talk to someone. I need to resolve this stuff somehow and try to stop feeling so uptight, semi-depressed, and worried.

Even if no one reads this, it helps to vent.

2

Just concentrate on the next step.

Get that out of the way and concentrate on the next step.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

It will all pass. My mum just got through a similar year (at 60+), but with family health problems more than monetary ones (though she had those too). Take (with both hands) any support offered and congratulate yourself on having a paper trail, as this has eased at least one problem for you.

You can do it. One step at a time.

3

Thank you. You’re right. I had resolved to try and let go of stress in 2008, and not sweat the small stuff. My husband and parents are great about telling me to relax and not worry, that they are there for me. I think too much is happening at once.

Plus, I need some sunshine. Michigan weather is not kind this time of year.

Thanks again. That helped more than you know.

4

No worries, anytime.

Anyone who is learning new stuff in order to improve their life has my full support.

Good for you.

Sending you some antipodean summer - we had a picnic today, half a dozen mothers and about 15 kids. Splashing in the river, eating far too much, using a big branch to get the frisbee out of the damned tree again. My kid got soaked to the skin and had to sit in the baking hot car to warm up, then spend the next three hours in a brand new velvet jacket and muddy knickers until her clothes dried. She’s so much like I was at that age.
The sunlight came dappled through the trees and still left me with extra freckles.
After an hour, we checked the time and it was actually five hours later - time flew.
The kids all played well and, even though half of us hadn’t met before, so did the mothers.
It was a classic summer day and I am happy to share it. Take a piece, go on, have another.

Does it snow there? I have stood on snow just once in my coastal dwelling life, I am a little envious of white Christmases.

5

it snows here quite often - we don’t have any on the ground right now, but that’s unusual. Your day sounds wonderful! Other then the cold weather, the thing that I miss the most about summer is the sunshine. We often have day after day of clouds, and get excited when the sun decides to peek out.

Lucky kids. My husband and son love to fish, but to do that right now they would have to cut a hole through the thick lake ice. It’s fun to ice skate on - just watch out for the bumps!

6

Ice skating, with the colourful woolly clothing, and the red noses?
Warming your hands around a mug of hot chocolate before having another go?

Never done it, not even in the old skating rink where I grew up. By the time I would have given it a go, roller skates were just hitting their come-back, it was (Og help me) 1980 and the iced half of the rink had long gone.

I suppose there are places around Taupo (about a 1.5hr drive), but I’ve never even heard of anyone ice skating outdoors in the North Island (Though they do curling down South).
My mum grew up in Glasgow and talks about the same sort of weather you’ve described.
An English friend berates me constantly for trying to keep cool in the (to her) glorious heat.
The weather’s just notching itself up to SUMMER, as opposed to the official start to the season, six weeks ago. People are driving badly and swearing a lot. I have to work in the morning. Why did I just buy a faux silk duvet cover? It retains heat. That wasn’t sensible thinking. Just because I’ve been waiting for the right conjunction of income and sales for eighteen months, I have to use it and it’s really too damned hot.

Ice skating? Nice.

7

I’m glad you have enough money to pay your bills. And you want money around for emergencies - well, looks like you have an emergency and money to cover it too!

maggenpye is right - one step at a time. Don’t think about how you don’t have future money, or some long term savings goal. Think about getting through this insurance and court thing. Heck, start as small as “I will get out of bed today.”

You will do it. You can’t NOT do it :slight_smile:

8

Oh yes, I remember the “I got out of bed, hooray for me” days.

I think they mostly came the first year I had my daughter - no family closer than four hours away. Some days I just fed her and kept her clean, it was all I could manage.

One foot in front of the other until things change, and they *always *change.

9

Meditation and yoga are excellent stress-relievers. Three easy things you can do every day to help your stress - get enough sleep, eat properly and regularly, and get a little fresh air and exercise (a walk around the block or to and from your car will do it).

You know the things you have to do to prevent worse problems (like paying your bills on time, and keeping up on insurance) - make sure those are done, and don’t worry too much about the rest. Make any kind of note for yourself that you need to, to keep up with the essentials - every year, I sit down with my new calendar and note all my mortgage payments, car payments, car insurance payments, and paydays on it. I don’t think about those things because they’re on the calendar that I look at every day. While you’re super busy, it’s even more critical that you keep track of the must-dos in your life.

I wouldn’t worry too much about panic and depression - you’re going through a very intense time right now, and it sounds completely situational (that is, once you get back to normal, you’ll get back to normal). Do be very careful to look after yourself while you are in these situations, though. Like everyone else has said, it’s one step at a time. You know how you eat an elephant - one bite at a time. Do what you need to do when you need to do it, and don’t dwell and worry and fret.