From childhood to freshman in college at age 17, mine was pretty off-limits. Very special, in my mind. (Strict religious upbringing.)
But after that–due to a bit of maturity and a lot of exposure–it was more lack of opportunity, vs. inclination, that kept it intact til 19. I knew I didn’t want to hand it to some random asshole who’d be excited about it…b/c in my mind then, and to this day, any guy who gets all “happy” or whatever at the thought of “de-flowering” a virgin is jacked in the head…but I also didn’t want to hold onto it like a miser hoarding gold.
When I did give it away, finally, it was to a guy I really cared about, and I’m glad I waited…if only b/c I know so many girls who wish they’d been a little more thoughtful in their choices.
Mine wasn’t special. I wasn’t too ashamed of being a 20-year-old virgin. Some of my friends were, some weren’t.
I don’t remember the date (I am GUESSING 20 years old) but at the time I did love the guy and I loved him for a long time, so I don’t regret it. I tried to be mad about it when we broke up a few years later but I didn’t care enough.
Not holy or precious but something I don’t just want to get rid of, either. I’d prefer my first time to be with someone special and for it to mean something.
I did think it was sacred when I went to church (up to about age 14). that mentality disappeared right along with all the rest of my church-fostered ignorance.
after that I didn’t think the virginity itself was special, but just like the first time I took any particular drug, I thought it wise to take precautions against traumatizing myself, so as to enjoy the beautiful rather than the ugly side. the precautions I took were making sure I felt good and not pressured about it, and that it was with someone who’d respect and be cool with it being my first time, “go easy on me”, so to speak, who wouldn’t turn into a complete douchebag afterwards. of course it wasn’t fabulous, but I think it was overall a good first experience, and I’ve never regretted it. I was 16, btw.
I never cared that much for it. I was gagging for a shag, and I had my boyfriend of the time, so we went for it one night. I liked it, but there was nothing particularly special or overtly memorable about it.
Well, roger thornhill, if it’ll help, this liberal Episcopalian used not to believe in sex outside of marriage and was a virgin until she became engaged and she and her fiance had sworn what she thought were binding vows before God. When my fiance ended our engagement, this put me in a rather nasty moral dilemma since I didn’t think what we did was wrong at the time, and I still don’t. It’s been my experience that, for me, sex creates a unique and special bond between two people. It changes and deepens the relationship between them in a way nothing else does. I don’t think sex is inherently wrong or sinful; indeed, I’ll even say the Wiccans are right – it can be downright holy. (FYI, the Wiccans I know call intercourse “the Greate Rite” and regard it as a form of worship.) The intimacy of the act and, for me, the vulnerability which follows it are not something I’m willing to share with just anyone. Please do remember, however, that I am speaking strictly from my own beliefs and experiences.
The upshot is, for me, my virginity was something sacred and special. I will admit, however, to probably having been somewhat of a hypocrite. You see, while the religious side of me wanted to be a virgin until I married, the engineering side of me didn’t want my husband to be because I wanted one of us to know what we were doing!
When I was in high school, I still bought into the idea that I should wait until marriage. Then as I got older I thought that wasn’t right for me. Eventually it was something I just wanted to be done with. I met someone at a party and that was that. I saw him a few times afterwards, but I was fine when we sort of lost touch with each other. I was a bit glad to do it that way, because we didn’t have similar social circles at all, so if he did brag to his buddies, it was no one who would’ve known me.
I wish I had waited a bit more. I was “deflowered” (hate that term, but you try to find yet another synonym for sexual initiation!) at 17. Yeah, I wanted to try it etc–but I was really too emotionally immature to handle it. And my BF and I did stupid, stupid things–no BC, no protection (of course, back then, protection meant contraception–AIDS was unheard of–syphilis etc happened to “nasty people” etc).
Stupid. But lucky in that nothing horrible happened. When I think back to how risky our behavior was, I blanche.
Trying to raise kids that think enough of themselves to not just sleep around, but also not be all hung up on Promises or Vows or whatever’s out there. College sounds like a great place to lose one’s virignity (I’ll send 'em with condoms!).
I thought it was important to wait when I was in high school and college due to religion and upbringing. Then when I finished college, all of a sudden it was kind of like “What in the world am I waiting for??” So then I just grabbed an available and willing guy (and one that I trusted) and went for it. I have no regrets. It was the kind of thing you look back on fondly: he was sweet and caring, and we laughed a lot and generally had a good time. I’m not sorry that I waited nor am I sorry that I didn’t wait longer. It was just right the way it was.
And no guys since then have complained about me not being a virgin, which was one of my earlier concerns. “What if no one wants to sleep with me/marry me if I’m not a virgin?” Sounds kinda silly now. But I think those are the kinds of ideas that certain religions can give you.
I didn’t lose my virginity as a teen. I lost it when I was 21. But I wasn’t “saving it” or “cherishing it” or “keeping it sacred” (ick). I just didn’t feel like having sex with anyone until then. When I wanted to, I did. Before then, I didn’t.
Like a previous poster said, the idea that I am a less valuable commodity on the open market after doin’ the nasty, is a concept I find a bit repulsive. To me that’s what “sacred virginity” is all about. A social control on female sexuality. “Good girls don’t.” etc.
It was no more or less special than my choice to begin any subsequent sexual relationship.
Not sure if that helps - for me the decision to begin a sexual relationship is a milestone. The first one was no different.
Although, for the record, now that I’m older I’m profoundly grateful that my younger self didn’t let herself get swayed into having sex by peer pressure or a whim o’ the moment.
Well, you probably don’t hear many virgins shouting about it from the rooftops, but yeah, we’re still out there. I’m still a virgin at the age of 22. I usually am not very vocal about it. I’m not ashamed or anything (I’ve had opportunities - it’s not like it’s hard to get laid when you’re a female!); it’s just that I’m a fairly private person in general.
Anyway…yes, I do consider my virginity special and hope that when I do sleep with a guy it will be the man I spend the rest of my life with. So far I have not met any guy that I regretted not sleeping with, but I have met a few that I think I would have regretted sleeping with if I had gone for it, so I am quite content to keep waiting for someone who seems special.
For me, it has nothing to do with religion. I just don’t find the idea of sleeping around with a lot of different people appealing. I am pretty sure that I will feel very attached to whoever I end up sleeping with so I want to make sure that I choose very carefully.
Plus, there are so many hassles involved with diseases, pregnancy risk, and worrying about regrets if the guy turns out to be a jerk. It’s not worth it to me. I am very content with my life being as uncomplicated as it is at the moment.
I didn’t keep it sacred, in fact I kind of jumped the guy I was dating. We talked about the possibility of it happening, discussed the logistics, bought protection. Then the day came and we ran off to my room to get it over with, and had a pretty good sex life after then. He was a lot more nervous than I was, I remember saying something like “If you don’t come over here and f*ck me right now, I’m putting my clothes back on and going back outside.”
So he did.
I never saw my virginity as something that was a delicate thing that should be protected. I guess he didn’t either. Everyone else that I knew that thought about saving it ended up having sex in high school. We lived in a small town, there wasn’t much else to do really.
-foxy
I thought virginity was a burden, so much pressure on the issue, just dispose of it and be finished. Which I did at 16. And then practiced 5 years of celibacy, 'cause being that intimate with someone who really wasn’t a partner turned out to be depressing and lonely.
