She doesn’t want to go out with you. The fact that she added that if she wasn’t dating someone she would go out with you simply shows me that she’s kind, but is quite secure in her present relationship. To me, it conveyed serenity.
Spoken as someone who has used that exact wording with a colleague: I didn’t feel the need to add that I would have rather been cut into pieces with a wooden spoon than date someone from work.
I think she’s hedging her bets in some way. Maybe she’s keeping you in mind as plan B, or maybe you don’t have a chance but she wants you to think you do, keeping you in her orbit 'cause she gets off on the flattery and attention.
I’d suggest to play it cool, being more distant but still friendly, and if possible start seeing someone else (casually) to see how she reacts.
Checks pants. OK, apparently I’m not a female, but anyways…
Firstly, if she mentions a boyfriend, it means she doesn’t want to go out with you. Whether she actually has a boyfriend or not is irrelevant - even if she does, if she wants to go out with you, she’ll still do so and simply not mention him. Bringing up a boyfriend *and * telling you she wants to go out with you means that she likes your attention and wants to keep it, so she’ll keep dangling the hook even though nothing will ever come of it. This woman will find herself on the business end of trouble sooner or later. However, don’t let that trouble be you, it’s not worth it.
What, “cynical”? What do you mean?
To those who say that this is just letting him down kindly and that she wouldn’t say yes even if she were single:
If you wanted to say “I’m currently seeing…dating someone but yes, if i wasn’t i would go out with you” how would you phrase it?
In other words, if “I’m currently seeing…dating someone but yes, if i wasn’t i would go out with you” doesn’t mean “I’m currently seeing…dating someone but yes, if i wasn’t i would go out with you”, then what would mean it?
I’m not being snarky though it way come off that way. I’m curious how you would go about saying it.
She’s telling you to go away, at least for now . . . but just in case, don’t go too far.
My female roommate wonders why she said 'I’m dating someone" instead of “I have a boyfriend”.
Maybe they haven’t been dating long, so she isn’t serious enough for labels yet. As for the OP, I’d just take it as “no”, and not even worry about whether she’s lying about dating someone or what other secret meanings there might be. She turned you down. It’s irrelevant.
The first two replies in this thread said how simple and easy to interpret this statement is. I ask them to read the rest of the replies and then report back. Basically, the OP is being interpretted in two vastly different ways.
Seriously, all sausage aside, I think she is either not into you and is simply being nice, or she is just a total attention whore. If she actually liked you and was insecure in her current relationship, she wouldn’t mention her boyfriend at all. My two cents.
Or it could be that she feels sorry for you and wants to build up your confidence. Did she say it like this? “Oh, no, no, no, I have a boyfriend! But hey, I would TOTALLY go out with you, if I didn’t have a boyfriend. Which I do.”
She likes you - but not enough to break up with whoever she’s currently dating. Which is both a complement and a brush off - your choice whether you want to be a pessimist or an optimist.
It can be really hard to tell what someone is thinking or what they intend to convey with their words. However, in this case it doesn’t matter. The only thing that does matter is the end result, which is that she doesn’t want to date you. I think that’s as far as you need to take it.
What I am reading
“I’m currently seeing…dating someone.”
Translation : disposable relationship, when you go away she reverts to being single. Girls love to talk about what they did with the BF, where he took her, what she likes about him and so forth, she may even say his name
What she should have said
“Why that is so flattering, but my boyfreind would be a bit put out with me seeing another guy” full stop, no need to explain further.
“but yes, if i wasn’t i would go out with you”
your cute but not spongeable.
Declan
Agreed.
That’s my vote.
Without seeing her body language or knowing her personally, it’s going to be hard to guess whether she was lying about dating someone else, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she was. I’ve been known to lie about having a BF as an easy way of turning a guy down. The fact that she changed it from “seeing” to “dating” suggests that she was being honest, though. It could very well be that she corrected herself because “seeing” implies that it’s been going on longer than it actually has. (Maybe she initially said “seeing” because that’s the stage she wishes they were at?)
The second part about her dating you, sounds like something said to cushion the blow for you. She might be telling you the truth or she might be lying her socks off, but regardless, I think she was only voicing that to you to smooth things over. In other words, don’t read any hope into just this one line. Odds are, if she really wants you, she’d have said other things in that general direction. Such as “OMG, it’s so sweet you asked me out. I really really wish I was available <bites lip wistfully>…if I only knew sooner that you liked me, maybe me and him wouldn’t have…” and so on.
Seconded.
She wants to put some junk in his trunk.
… or not.
This is her way of saying she doesn’t want to go out with you but she needs to be really nice about it because you work together. If she responded, “Ohmigod, ew!” that would screw up her work environment and she is also probably a genuinely nice person who doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. In future don’t ask out coworkers, waitstaff, or anyone else who is forced by some outside entity to spend time with you or to depend on you for something.
I think she’s telling the truth about the dating situation, or she would have said boyfriend instead. But she is most likely using it as an excuse to let you down without actually lying. If they aren’t boyfriend/girlfriend, why does she have the need to be exclusive?
OP said “worked with.” Past tense. Not sure why people are assuming they currently work together. When I read the OP I figured they used to work together and OP waited until that was no longer the case to ask her out.
I’ve also been in the OP’s situation and ended up dating the lady who eventually became single, so it’s not like this is some pie-in-the-sky dream. I also think if she wanted to let him down easy she would have said something like “I think you’re a great guy, but…” or something else non-committal.
- She is seeing someone else and is content with the other guy.
- Women are trained to be ‘nice’ and ‘polite’ and avoid hurting the sensitive feelings of men. She tacked on the last part to let you down easy, because you have to work together, and saying her actual feelings: ‘I’m involved with someone, so fuck off’ to you would be rude. I know this. I’ve said what she said, just trying to be nice.
- I guarantee ‘seeing someone else (casually) to see how she reacts’ is going to bring about a reaction of total indifference. What are you going to do, hire a pretend girlfriend and parade her through the office, and show her, ‘yeah, you coulda had some of this!’ lol… She doesn’t CARE, so don’t exert yourself with stupid game-playing. Jeez.
ok…not working together? Same answer. Move on.
Dude.
Reword her statement: “I’m with someone right now and I care about him so much I’m willing to let other people know they’re not out of the running.”
She’s trouble. Probably she’s a fembot who uses human feces for fuel. Stay away man, that’s just crazy.