That’s right, and the OP is so vain, he probably thinks this thread is about him. Don’t you, OP? Don’t you? DON’T YOU?
There just isn’t any good context for saying this. It’s ambiguous on its face, and kind of disrespectful both to the person you’re saying it to and the person you’re currently seeing.
Y’all’r crazy. It’s pretty clear why she phrased it that way. The phrase “I’m currently seeing someone” is code for “No thanks, not interested.” So she had to tag it with “but if I weren’t, I’d say yes” so that the OP knew that it wasn’t code- that she really, truly was/is seeing someone. It’s her way of saying “No, really”. She’s making sure that the OP knows to keep her in the “maybe” column for the possible future where she breaks up with the guy.
This is a classic case of “Plausible Deniability” as practiced by the female gender. When it comes to relationships, they are masters of it. Either interpretation is equally possible, therefore, whatever the result they can claim “that’s not what I meant!”
It’s like with my cat, when he’s inside - he wants out, when he’s outside - he wants in. I finally figured it out, what he really wants is that the door remain open so he is always able to choose.
See: Sir Gawain and the Loathly Damsel.
She wants to keep you on the hook. No guarantee that you’re first on the waiting list, but throwing you this little bone ensures that you’ll be doing favors for her.
It’s code for “The Israeli agent will make the drop of the cash only after you deliver the security data and agenda for John Stewart’s rally on the Mall.”
Uh…NO IT ISN’T! Doc’s a bit addled today, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about!
It means No.
Regards,
Shodan
The only way you’ll ever be with this woman is if you take both River Hippie and astro’s advice and combine it into a single act. Disappear the other bloke with your penis.
How to never have to translate relationship bullshit again:
When someone says something you don’t understand ask her, “What does that mean?”
If you cannot ask her, then ask someone who knows her, “What does it mean when [this person we both know] says X?”
If you cannot get a straight answer with either of those methods or are unwilling to try either method, then don’t waste your time any further and forget about it.
People who don’t know her can’t tell you what she means. Some of the answers in this thread may be right, but you have no way of knowing that. We all have our own unique experiences, bitter memories, and biases and can’t guarantee that our insight is actually accurate.
Everyone - as evidenced by these threads - is going to interpret what people say based on a whole host of factors that don’t seem to have much to do with what was actually said.
If you’ve been burned, you see this via the cynical lens.
If you’re a straight shooter, you see this via the straight foward lens.
If you secretly hate women, you see this via the women are all manipulative bitches lens.
So, I ask the OP, which lens do you need to see it through, regardless of what was actually said? Because it doesn’t seem to matter much what her intent was. It only matters what you need (whether consciously or unconsciously) to see.
I’m in the “letting you down easy” camp. If she was in a serious relationship she would have said “boyfriend.” She didn’t want to get caught in a lie in case you asked someone her status beforehand, so she went with the ambiguous “seeing…dating someone.” If she really meant the whole “if not I’d go out with you” thing there would probably be some flirty behavior from her to back it up at some point. If I were you, I’d turn my attention elsewhere for awhile.
Personally, I think you made a tactical error by asking someone out before you even knew if they were single. Have you ever actually talked to her in a social setting, like lunch or at a happy hour? It shouldn’t take too many casual conversations with someone to divine their relationship status, and I wouldn’t ask someone out before I got to know them at least a little bit.
The OP (and anyone else who reads hope into her statement) ask yourself this. If she’d just said “I’m dating someone else, but thanks” you’d have exactly the same amount of actionable information as you do now.
“I’m dating someone else, but thanks” could mean:
-
I’m unavailable because I’m dating someone else, and I haven’t given any thought as to whether you’d have a chance with me if I weren’t
-
I’m unavailable because I’m dating someone else, but I might have said yes if I weren’t.
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I’m unavailable because I’m dating someone else, but I would have said no to you even if I weren’t. Because I don’t like you like that.
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I’m unavailable not because I’m dating someone else, but because I don’t like you that. But I’m lying to be nice.
These are the exact same options you have now. It just seems different because she added some unnecessary information to her rejection. If you wouldn’t read hope into “I’m dating someone else, but thanks” or think it’s a good idea to ask her out again later based on some wistful idea that this is what she really wants you to do, then you should apply the same to “I’m dating someone, but if I weren’t, I’d say yes”.
Is there any particular reason you think that additional information should be discarded as meaningless or is it just that particular additional information you want to disregard? You went through a lot of words to make your point without explaining at all why you think it’s not actionable information.
What if she said “I’m dating someone but I’d never date you anyway” or “I’m dating someone but if you killed him with your penis I’d date you”? or “I’m dating someone but I’d be up for a quicky in the bathroom RIGHT NOW”?
Isn’t the unknown whether the extra stuff she said is “actionable information” or not, which you really didn’t address at all?
Actually for the record I do think everyone is reading too much into it and that it doesn’t matter one way or the other whether she was being sincere or not. But I don’t think you with the face’s point is cogent.
Burrido, Point One: she works with you.
She doesn’t want to date you. Nor does she want you to think that she wouldn’t date you because that might make you think she’s a bitch; which is all relevant to Point One…
Womanese for Point One is “Don’t shit in your own backyard.”
The point is she turned down his offer. He didn’t get a “yes”; he didn’t even get a “maybe”. She could have very easily told him that he’d be the first one to know if her availability status were to suddenly change. The OP needs to ask why she didn’t say that.
As it stands, he’s in as much limbo as he would have been had she simply said “I can’t because I’m dating someone”. A rational, dispassionate analysis shows this. “…but I would have said yes if I weren’t dating someone else” is not game-changing information. Not when that’s all that is said.
It’s not actionable. Is she asking the OP to ask her out again, everyday, until the fated day when she and the other guy break up? Of course not. Is she asking him to say single so he’ll be there for her when she finally gets tired of that other guy and comes running into his arms? Equally unlikely pipedream. It’s far more likely that she was making a throwaway comment to soften her rejection and keep things pleasant between the two of them.
I don’t think you’re thinking about her statement in a practical way. Look at the end result and then work your backwards, if that helps.