My girlfriend apparently has fairly regular orgasms when we have sex. The thing is, other than her moaning, it is impossible for me to tell. With other women, I have always been able to tell when they are having an orgasm. I can feel the contractions in their vaginal walls and anus. My girlfriend and I are very open about everything and I’ve asked her if she is faking. She says no and I believe her. She masturbates regularly. I don’t really see the point of masturbating if you can’t orgasm. This is kinda bothering me and I don’t want to push her…especially like I said…I don’t think she is being untruthful. Is the lack of contractions during female orgasm common (or even possible)? It seems to me that the contractions are really what it’s all about. Is it possible that she feels them yet I don’t? I mean, sure it’s possible…but is it probable?
masturbation is fun. You can have a reasonably satisfying sex life and still do the other very often. ^^
Does she get…erm…“wetter” when she “arrives”?
Orgasm isn’t always the point of sexual activity, solo or otherwise. Sometimes it just feels good, whether you get off or not. If she wasn’t reaching orgasm during intercourse, you wouldn’t say there was no point to fucking, would you?
As for whether she’s faking or not, I have no clue. I’ve never really sat down and kept a log of what happens to my body during orgasm, so I really can’t tell you if she’s normal or not. I can tell you, though, that there’s always the possibility of size issues accounting for you not feeling anything 
. Oh, come on, it was just a joke!
hmm… well, I can’t say I agree with the previous statement. Then again, being male does tend to make NOT finishing a sexual act appropriately rather painful
In my own experience, yes, involuntary muscle contractions usually occur. But not all women’s orgasms are the same. I’m not sure how easy it is for men to feel muscle contractions…but if you and your girlfriend are open about everything, I’d trust her and stop worrying.
CrazyCatLady, apparently this just one more area where men and women are different. I can’t imagine engaging in “solo activity” and not finishing. To that, I would truly say what’s the point?
Orgasm IS the point of solo activity, at least for me and probably most other guys.
zydecat
I can relate. I had a long-time partner that would orgasm perhaps 6-20 times per session. This woman had no contractions that I could detect. I had only her moans, her wetness, and her word for verification.
My current partner is different. She experiences a mere 1-3 orgasms per session, however, the muscle contractions are very noticable.
…So…this tells me that women are different. I wouldn’t worry about it dude.
Maybe she just has weak Kegel muscles? How are her, um, voluntatry contractions?
Thanks for the replies. I thought about the size issue and it is a non-issue. All women are different I guess. I’m around 40 with a normal range of sexual experiences and this is the first time I ran into this. I really do believe her completely but I guess I am having trouble understanding. No, there is no additional wetness at the point of orgasm. But then again, she is so wet before that I probably couldn’t tell. I tend to agree with Ski about masturbation. I mastrubate to orgasm not to just feel a “little” good. However, sex with a partner is more about intimacy and closeness than orgasms (at least sometimes!)
I thought that the muscle contractions are pretty much the release of tension that is an orgasm. At least it is for me and every other guy I know (and woman up to this point). Now you’re telling me that this is not necessarily true? No offense CrazyCatLady, but you don’t need a log to tell you what is happening. The feeling is intense. Since you don’t seem to have these contractions, yet do have orgasms, would you mind keeping a log and telling me what happens? Seriously. I would like to know.
I may or may not have the contractions, I don’t know. At that point I’m entirely focused on the woohoo! part of it, so I could be reciting Mary Had a Little Lamb for all I know.
As for muscle contractions actually being orgasm, that’s not entirely true. Orgasm is as much mental as it is physical, and that mind-boggling Oh-my-God blast of sensation that blots out everything else is what most women mean when they talk about orgasm. For men, the feeling is very closely tied in with the muscle spasms that accomplish ejaculation, so it stands to reason that we’re talking about somewhat different things.
Women do experience involuntary muscle contractions during arousal and orgasm–in the uterus, and I don’t know anyone who normally feels these contractions. As for vaginal contractions, I’d say they’re like any other muscle spasms during orgasm (head jerking, fist clenching, clawing somebody across the back) in that you don’t realize you’re doing it and really don’t feel it.
And no, I’m not going to analyze my orgasms, because when you start dissecting your feelings you quit enjoying them.
My partner says I’m, um, tight and yet he still has to ask me if I’ve had an orgasm because he can’t feel any contractions. I can feel them but not always.
I have experienced uterine contractions during orgasm–but only during pregnancy. Otherwise, I know they’re happening, but I don’t really feel it. As for vaginal contractions, I can feel them when I pay attention–I’m sure they happen when I don’t, as well.
As others have said, your girlfriend’s contractions may just not be very strong, for whatever reason. I’d say don’t worry about it and trust her evaluation of how things are going.
If she says she has orgasms, and you trust her, there’s no need for further confirmation.
Size issues, Cat? Oh, you mean like… the woman might be a bit too… er… cavernous? 
LOL Monstre
Reminds me of seeing Tom Arnold on some talk show. Rosanne had said he was small, and his retort was, “Hey a 747 looks small if it crashes in the Grand Canyon.”
I would just like to point out that a lot of men fail to understand the physiology of the female. One very important thing to understand is that the upper/front part of the vagina is very analogous to the front part of the penile shaft including the abundance of nerve endings. Women need to be stimulated along that surface also not just the clitoris. Men may be most sensitive on the head of the penis but most do not orgasm with stimulation of the glans only. Similarly some men pay too much attention to the clitoris and fail to understand the importance of the rest of the structure. Anyway what I am trying to get at is that paying attention to how much pressure is being applied to that upper/frontal surface of the vagina can go a long way toward your partners satisfaction.
It is also important to know that many women have a hard time orgasming during normal intercourse regardless of technique. They simply require more concentration than they are able to summon while entertaining someone else.
I don’t know if it’ll help or not, but here’s what I learned. During sex, do all the things that you think your partner and yourself might enjoy. When you get exhausted, stop. (Here’s the important part) make sure that you ask her if you did anything she particularly liked or disliked. Then next time you can vary your actions to suit her better.
Always take a woman at her word. As has been discussed here before, if a woman is faking or untruthful about her enjoyment, she’s the only one suffering. As long as you continue to ask her about doing things differently, and trying new ideas, she’s only got herself to blame if she’s not having as much fun as you.
We kinda got off track here. There is no problem with getting her to orgasm. And I believe her when she says she came. The question is that I have never run into a woman who has no vaginal contractions at all when she orgasms. CrazyCatLady said that female orgasm is as much mental as physical. Upon further thought, I have to disagree. The mental aspect helps one to acheive orgasm. But the orgasm itself is purely a physical, measurable thing. Someone else equated the female anatomy to the male anatomy (clitoris/glans) and that is also the way I have always understood it to be. I also thought (perhaps erroneously) that both males and females had the same type of orgasmic contractions in the penis/vagina. I think it would be a contraction of the kegel muscles? I’m forty years old and I just realized that now I know even less than I thought I did about women :smack: