This is a serious OP.
What does an orgasm feel like? Everything I’ve read indicates that if you have to ask, you haven’t had one. However, I’ve had contractions and occassionally involuntary jerking, but I don’t feel any “different” during or afterwards. The action’s quite enjoyable, just that it’s not any sort of “release” or fireworks or whatever.
Well, the arousal part you’ve probably felt - feels like you have to pee, only you don’t. Orgasm is like that, only more so, and there’s a set of strong rhythmic pulsing contractions in the vagina and sometimes the whole pelvic floor. It’s those rhythmic contractions that really let you know you’ve [del]come[/del] arrived. I also feel a lot of what I feel during intense arousal, only more so - tingles up my spine, warmth radiating all over and I get a head rush and sort of go deaf for a few seconds. These are all pretty variable though - it’s the rhythmic muscle contractions that are the defining characteristic, just like they are for men when they ejaculate.
It’s absolutely true that if you’re not sure, you haven’t felt it. It’s very possible to really enjoy sex a lot and feel very good without having an orgasm. I thought for years I was having them. Then I got a vibrator and felt my first real one at age 30. A whole different world. It’s unmistakable, and doesn’t feel “like” anything else.
If you’ve felt those ‘rhythmic contractions’ and involuntary jerking of the pelvis, I’d say you’ve had an orgasm, but I’ll also say that not all orgasms are created equal. I’ve had some that literally made me stop breathing for half a minute, and some that were such pathetic fizzles that the only reason I knew I’d had one at all, was that my arousal went away and didn’t come back/clitoral area got too sensitive to touch, didn’t want to try to make the arousal come back. Both of these things are orgasms. I never know which sort I’ll get. I’ve learned not to have any expectations.
I can only refer to the sensation - when it’s a good one - as being “sweet”. If you could taste a feeling, I mean. And as WhyNot says, it does feel a bit like having to pee (and I find, is more intense if in fact my bladder is full - which is always a good idea anyway, since one way to avoid UTIs is to flush out the urethra after sex).
I would disagree that there must be a feeling of ‘something different’ afterward. There might be. Might not be. If ‘relaxed’ == ‘different’, I suppose that’s the closest I get to feeling different afterward. But I know that some people do experience the whole fireworks thing (or say they do). I try not to compare my own experience to those standards, so I can be happy with what I do feel. (And I am. Except when I get the really pathetic fizzles, I mean.)
Its probably best to do it before also.
If I have to choose between ‘empty bladder before, and not have enough to do a thorough flush afterward’ or ‘hold it’, I’ll choose ‘hold it’ every time.
Of course, sometimes it’s possible to do a partial empty. But some women can’t stop once they start, especially if they’ve experienced pelvic-floor weakening due to childbirth or simply age. So like all things, this is very much YMMV.
I’m still not sure why a full bladder makes a difference in the experience of orgasm for me, where ‘fuller virtually guarantees more intense orgasm’. And I have no idea if it’s true for other women. I’ve never heard any others talk about it. My guess is that it has something to do with the conflict between ‘must keep pelvic floor tight to prevent urination’ and ‘bunch o’ muscles in the general vicinity are involuntarily contracting rhythmically’. Possibly also because the ‘roots’ of the clitoris go on either side of the urethra and may be stimulated by the stretching of the bladder? Anyway, It couldn’t hurt to deliberately try sex with a moderately full bladder, and see if sensations differ. (I can’t recommend a ‘full to bursting’, because you know, pressure on abdomen and all that. Could be disastrous.) (This has never happened to me. But I’ve been afraid a couple of times.) (This particular fear did not enhance the experience.)
Hmmm. An orgasm is a biological function that releases tension like a sneeze or a yawn, but if you want fireworks your mind has to be into it.
And there isn’t anything to be embarrassed about. You are anonymous here, and no one is expecting you to return to post results. And I promise, your sisters here support you in your research and efforts. The female orgasm can be pretty elusive. But you get better at it with practice.
Try it again, but make sure you are using your brain as well. Think about the most exciting thing you can imagine having done to you or the most exciting thing you can imagine doing to someone else for as long as you can stand it before you allow yourself to reach that peak. And put those thoughts in order, too- achieving orgasm is like climbing a hill. Start with focusing on milder fantasies and save the best possible scenario for last (the top of the hill).
Get yourself a vibrator, experiment with your body. If you don’t feel different “during” I doubt you are having a real orgasm. Once you find out what works for you, you can explain it to your partner.
A good one feels sort of like someone has touched a live wire to your circuit grid.
A sneeze is actually a good analogy. You know how sometimes you almost sneeze but don’t quite and feel unsatisfied? Compare that with how good it feels to have a really satisfying sneeze. An orgasm is kinda a release like a sneeze. It sounds like maybe you’re getting the build-up without the release.
Don’t stress that maybe you haven’t had one yet; I didn’t have my first one until I was over 30. Keep experimenting and you’ll figure it out.
(Do I have to call TMI in a TMI titled thread?)
What do you do about this? Is there anything that you can do during the process to pre-empt it? Sometimes I feel things tightening up and starting to “peak”–and then all the sudden like flipping a switch my clitoris is painfully sensitive and bam I’m done, thanks. But not in a nice way. This happens… most of the time. Like I get all the build up to an orgasm, and the after-effects, but not the nice, mind-blowing part in the middle.
This worked for me, many years ago. Great advice. And many, many women have to experiment to find out how to have an orgasma, and what gets them there. It’s extremely common. And the nice thing about using a vibrator is that by yourself, there’s no pressure from a partner.
Best investment for under $12 that you can make to track down the elusive orgasm.
And not all orgasms are equal. There are big ones and small ones and OH MY GOD ones. 
I second (third? whatever) the recommendation for a vibrator. I would recommend a small but powerful vibe (pocket rocket, anyone?), some silicone-based lubricant and a comfy spot where you can be alone.
Be sure to relax and focus on a particularly intriguing fantasy that you may have or, in the absence of a fantasy, you may choose to focus completely on the sensation you’re feeling.
Everyone is different, but I would recommend concentrating the vibrations to either side of the clitoris and not directly against it, at least not until you’re fairly close.
You should feel a build up in tension throughout your body (I notice that my toes will curl under me the closer I get) and just go with it from there. Be patient and if it starts to become painful, move away and concentrate a bit elsewhere. Vibrators also feel awesome along both the outer and inner labial folds, so that might be a good place to redirect attention if your clit becomes too sensitive.
I would refrain from fully inserting a vibrator because IMO it doesn’t feel like much inside and it makes me feel like my skull is shaking. shudder
If the vibrator doesn’t work, buy a pulsating showerhead and come back here for advice.
Hot tub jets work really well, too.
Um. Be careful of how you position yourself in the water, though. Seriously, you don’t want to be inflating yourself with a strong jet of water.
If TooEmbarrassed is underage and/or doesn’t have access to purchasing adult toys, there are vibrating toothbrushes…
I agree–insertion of a vibrator=meh. Indirect stimulation of the clitoris, until you feel compelled to increase the sensations. Don’t neglect stimulation of other body parts like nipples and belly.
An orgasm is like an upward climb, and the closer you get, the more compelling it is to continue until release. There is a certain point where it feels like climax is inevitable–that’s a really sweet spot to be in, and you will get to know it.
Sometimes, you can start out aroused both mentally and physically, and then for whatever reason, you reach a plateau and go no further. It happens, and it’s no big deal.
Practise makes perfect, and it’s a lot of fun to practise. Heck, it’s good for you.
I’ve never liked the sneeze analogy, because sneezes just don’t last long enough for the comparsion to be apt, IMO. I think it’s more like when you yawn and stretch first thing in the morning, a biiiggg stretch that lasts for ~15 seconds and leaves you so weak in the legs you collapse back onto the bed. Times 20.
The buildup is very much like a sneeze (for me). The climax itself is like a satisfying scratch.
Do clitoral and vaginal ones feel the same? I’ve only had the former.
My vaginal orgasms are slower to building up and almost always make my vision blur and my ears stop and completely wash over me like a giant wave.
Clitoral orgasms are usually much more focused on the area affected and tend to pop brightly (or pathetically fizzle, as has been mentioned previously)
I would say that my clitoral orgasms are far more consistent and easy to achieve, but the vaginal orgasms are the ones you remember. 
For me, yes. Same general feeling of contractions and tingling from head to toe, but vaginal orgasms last longer and are much more intense. I don’t think it is an anatomical difference, though. It takes much longer to arrive at a vaginal orgasm, so the pay off is greater. I would imagine that the same intensity could be acheived if you took your time about reaching orgasm through clitoral stimulation- maybe backing off a little when you get close and prolonging it. Your partner may resent you for this tactic, though- might be better to go it alone.
I second this advice. And sometimes, on a good night, I third it as well.
Do you think we are mystifying the male lurkers on this thread? As I understand it, men are in the business of postponing an orgasm as long as possible, and here we are sharing tips on how to get there faster.
Vive la difference!
I don’t know if that’s true. I mean, I’ll postpone an orgasm unless I’m in a time crunch. It’s just so much fun to stay on the brink as long as possible, you know?
If we haven’t hit our TMI thread limits for the day, it might be worth starting one to find out.
There have been no males lurking in this thread. :rolleyes: We’re off somewhere else arguing about politics. Yeah, politics. 
Uh huh. Sure, we believe you. Now go get us a bottle of some nice fruity red and some dark chocolate, beeyotch! (And grab a ginger ale for our potentially underaged girlfriends, while you’re at it.)