Lurking? Hell, I’m taking notes!
Just checking in before bed to see if our little sister stopped by. Hey, TooEmbarassed , did you know that at least 50% of the population supports your research? Orgasm is a built-in and natural biological function just as sleeping, eating, and sneezing are. Don’t let a little shyness prevent you from cashing in on one of the perks of being female.
(We are all rooting for you, Sweetie)
Yeah. What she said. Now you two boys need to go find something constructive to do… Don’t you have oil to change, teams to root for, and wood to chop or something? And shut the door.
Put down the seat while you’re at it 
Sorry, TooEmbarassed was too embarassed to check in earlier.
Feeling like I have to pee. Check. (And, yes, it is quite the weird sensation.)
Contractions. Check.
Soreness and slight drying up afterwards. Check.
Sweety, yawny, sneezy, nope.
If I am understanding this correctly, I am having the feminine equivalent of ejaculating without the orgasm, probably for two reasons: one, they’re not big orgasms, and two, I’m focusing too much to notice and concentrate on sensations.
So, as I (and my partner) are still pretty new to all this, I’ll just focus on having a good time, relaxing, and concentrating more on sensations rather than performance. Take it to the vibrator step when I’m ready, after a while. How’s that sound?
Sounds like you’ll be back here for a verbal high-five before the year is out! Great ideas, and (at the risk of sounding condescending), I’m also glad you’re taking this seriously, but not too seriously. Like I said, it’s entirely possible to really enjoy sex a whole lot and not orgasm - but orgasming is way better!
(And “sweet” is exactly how I’ve always thought of the feeling as well, but it seemed silly to call a nerve sensation (other than taste) a flavor. Glad I’m not the only one.)
Sounds like you have a great relationship to practice in. Having a partner who is equally interested in seeing you experience pleasure is much more important than the physical sensation itself. That makes you a lucky girl- and your love life is only going to get better and better.
I’ve heard such good things about vibrators, and all they do is make me feel …vibrated into numbness. Doesn’t matter where they touch, either. I can’t use them on tight shoulders/neck/back either. They make my skin feel itchy. I tried the little cheapo-buzzy kind once or twice and decided that ‘numb’ was not a good way to reach orgasm. Or anything like it.
But yeah. Indirect is better. Sometimes I think men want to treat the clitoris the way they want their own penises treated: directly, and immediately. But you know, the clitoris is typically hooded, moisturised, protected and cushioned all the time except perhaps at highest arousal, when it might just be engorged enough to become unhooded. If somebody unhoods it and goes abruptly onto it with finger or tongue or anything else, it hurts, and arousal/orgasm are the very last things that are going to happen. (This makes me wonder about the difference for circed men vs men who have been left intact their whole lives, but I’ve never known one of the latter.)
I wonder if I’m unusual in actually not preferring ‘clitoral only’ orgasms? They feel…well, a lot like a sneeze that doesn’t quite do the job. And I’ll agree with whoever said that they don’t feel the same (regardless of what Masters & Johnson said). They’re like…different shades of the same color of sensation. Richer/fuller vs brighter/more sparkly. If I get the choice, I’ll always prefer the former to the latter, for sex. (But I won’t turn the latter down.)
Agreed. Clitoral orgasm is to vaginal orgasm as appetizer is to main course + dessert.
I have never found an answer to this question. But (for me anyway) it seems more likely to happen during my non-fertile phase. And the really bestest mind-blowing ones happen right when I’d be most likely to get pregnant, if I hadn’t been surgically sterilized…twice.
I think it’s mostly hormone level. And not much you can do about that. Because if you try to hold off, that seems to do the same thing. I dunno.
Well, the Gore girls do it for me. And that Chelsea – yum!
OK, ladies, I’m leaving. But before I do, I have a couple of comments.
For one thing, I don’t think that male orgasm feels all that different from female, so a male perspective is not entirely useless.
For the other, and this is the important thing, TooEmbarassed, the approach you’ve decided to take is the best one. Orgasms are about feeling good, not about feeling frustrated. If you’re constantly on the search for the ever-elusive goal, you’ll never find it. You have to pretty much let it find you, if you get my drift. All you can do is set the stage for it to happen, which it sounds like you’re doing. And remember to have a good time.
I would just echo the sentiment that you experiment on your own, as it’s more likely to get you in that setting.
As a side note, I once dated a woman who was never had by the Big O. When I was with her, I’d often make things worse for her by putting the pressure on. My bad. But I also encouraged her to do, ahem, homework. She refused. She said she didn’t see the point. Come to think of it, that may have been her problem right there.
OK, I’m leaving. Seat’s down.
Oh, and one last thing – not all women have contractions.
I am just popping in to say that I agree with the vibrator statements, and to just relax.
The best ones for me make my teeth tingle. 
I’m still going to argue with this. The very definition (literally) of an orgasm is rhythmic muscular contractions. See? (Safe for work, unless you’re a nun.)
I think what you’re talking about is what I meant by saying that “sex can feel very, very good” even if you don’t orgasm. While I didn’t orgasm until 30, I’ve always loved sex. It’s felt very good, and I’m good at it. I thought for years that I was one of the lucky few who orgasmed through penetration alone and that I had nearly endless orgasms - so multiple that my refractory period was barely measurable.
As it turns out, the reason I couldn’t find my refractory period (the time span between orgasms) was because I wasn’t, in fact, orgasming. It felt really, really good, but not as good as the real thing with - and this is how I can know identify them as different than the old thing - rhythmic muscular contractions. With those, the feeling is more intense and there is a distinct refractory period. Hence, it’s a real, fits the medical definition “orgasm”.
While you may find a woman who really does experience orgasm without them, it should be as rare as a man who can climax without muscular contraction (not ejaculate, that’s easy - just suck it up into the bladder). The rest of them, while you may personally rock their world and they may be very happy with you in bed, are not having orgasms.
But hey, you don’t need to have prime rib to enjoy a cheeseburger! I think we sometimes get so focused on the destination, we forget to enjoy the ride. Relax, and enjoy whatever you’re feeling when you feel good, and don’t worry about whether this is “it”.
I think I want this printed on a laminated card and hung around my waist.
I honestly would like to see a study done of ‘Approach to Foreplay: A Comparison of Intact Males vs Circumcised Males’. My suspicion is that there are exceedingly few women in the world who would voluntarily have the protective, cushioning, lubricating clitoral hood surgically removed because the friction by clothing would be distracting in a bad way at best, excrutiating at worst (until their bodies learn to perceive less, in simple self defense). Yet most American men live with this same effective situation from a few hours after birth. It has to alter something in their approach to sex. I bet you’d find a difference in “approach” between the two different groups. I won’t go so far as to say which would be better. But I bet there’d would be a noticeable difference.
Honestly, look at your average cheap porn flick, where the man is going down on the woman for the sake of the camera. What’s the very first thing he does? He unhoods her clitoris so the camera can see it, and does something direct and usually vigorous too. Or even slaps at her mons or something. Those women must have applied a topical -caine creme to themselves, because they don’t levitate instantly into the air and karate-kick the guy in the head. I might like to see that. Cartoon or something. Maybe. Women would find it funny anyway.
Indirect. Indirect. Laminate THAT and hang it around your waist It’d get read all the way through, at least.
Ok, wasn’t going to put my 2 cents in, but here I am.
tdn, no contractions, no orgasm. It might be great sex for her, but no orgasms.
I usually have good combo orgasms, very easy.
Rarely have clitoral orgasms with absolutely no penetration, takes much longer, and when I do, they are intense, brittle, toe curling, holding on to a live wire kind of reaction, almost involuntary. Not particularly relaxing.
Combo/vaginal orgasms are much, much easier, also toe curling, intense, very good and satisfying, but more relaxing.
So, unless I am misinterpreting the info posted on here, I am out of the norm, because my orgasmic tendencies are reversed? It’s supposed to be easier for clitoral, more difficult for vaginal/combo?
Hey, maybe because I am left handed!
Wow. My clitoris is really not that sensitive. Direct touch doesn’t cause pain. I never realized quite how odd that is.
TooEmbarassed reporting back in. Success! Out of respect for my partner’s privacy (and :dubious: at the insane thread views) I won’t elaborate on details, but I definitely did feel it this time, actually, several times.
While we have a TMI female sex thread up… I’ll ask… :smack: is there any way to clean the junk out of there? I try to wipe really well, but it kinda oozes out slowly.
Er, you mean semen? Or artificial lubricant? Or your own natural lubricant?
I suppose you could douche, though I find that the body absorbs these natural fluids fairly rapidly. You could wear a plain panty-liner if you want to “feel fresh”. You could just wipe very well with a soft washcloth. The quantity of seminal fluid is usually about a teaspoon, which is not all that much. You might just sit on the toilet for a little while afterward, though this will tend to kill any immediate post-coital snugglebunny activities. You might lay down a towel before sex, to eliminate the whole “wet spot” thing. Or both of you go into the shower and have a pleasant wash afterward.
Does any of this seem useful or even possible?
Toilet paper, fold it up and lie on it. Then when the snuggling is over, go and sit on the toilet. Or wash your sheets daily…whatever works for you.
It is easier for me to orgasm not during sex than during it…for the simple reason that it is easier for me to orgasm if I’m lying stretched out and tensed up. During sex (obviously) legs need to be bent and it’s harder to keep things tensed…still just because it’s easier doesn’t mean it’s better.