I don’t know that it’s inherently “better”, but it’s definitely a different feeling. So likely, that different sensation is just what happens to work best for AerynSun.
I know that for me, whether or not I can orgasm through intercourse alone depends almost entirely on basic anatomy, and I don’t mean penis size. Some guys just have a more pronounced pubic ridge, which works great. Not a disadvantage to my other partners without it–they still have fingers and mouths–but still a nice perk when you come across it.
Well, now you have. I can’t get myself off without mechanical help, but have very little problem reaching orgasm through intercourse alone.
I’ve been masturbating since age 12 (I think), but never reached orgasm until I began partnersex (17) and bought a vibrator (21). Despite my parents’ best efforts, I’ve never thought my body was dirty or that I should deny myself pleasure for no good reason. It just… doesn’t work for me. Recieving oral sex does nothing either, and I’ve had some very patient and persistent boyfriends.
Actually, thats not true. The notion that women don’t enjoy sex and are less sexual than men is ourely a cultural one. Many cultures belive exactly the opposite- that women are a bottomless well of passion who must be reigned in by the civilizing self-control of males.
Physiologically, the clitoris is the same bundle of nerves as the penis, with the additional benefit of being all in one place and without the inconvience of a refractory period. The biggest difference between male and female orgasms is that women can have multiple orgasms. Written accounts of orgasms are indisguishable. It’s the same equiptment, what changes is what goes on in the head.
You may also note that many males have some trouble with orgasm due to phsychological blocks. I’ve met several men with “hang-ups” that needed to be worked through before they could orgasm through intercourse alone.
Where exactly did you see me say or imply anything like this?
Women and men are built different. Men, almost invariably, climax from stroking of the shaft of the penis which is nearly impossible to screw up during sex.
Women vary, some require direct clitoral stimulation, some vaginal penetration, some both, and some any variety of other stimulii. As a result of many women’s anatomy, most commonly the positioning of the clitoris in proximity to the vaginal entrance, create special cicumstances which make climaxing a more comlex process.
Any cultural bias’ or emotional factors are completely outside of the context of my comments.
Not saying there aren’t these factors, just that comparisons need to be adjusted to account for anatomical differences.
Also, there’s a whole wealth of discussion that can be had regarding the need for emotional connection that many women refer to in a much higher proportion than to that of men. There’s probably a advanced PhD thesis to be written as to whether this is societal or biological, but it also is outside of the context of my point.
That does it! I finally had to register to answer this question, … after lurking for 5 years!
I think my experience in the mystery (and elusiveness) of female climax fits this question…
I have always thought myself fairly skilled when it comes to sex. Over 2 dozen intimate partners over the years, at least half of them with intercourse and the rest with manual/oral involvement. I have never had a problem bringing each and every one to completion, usually several times per encounter. The majority of them said that I was the most attentive lover they ever had, and they still said it years later after we were no longer involved, so I doubt they said it just to stroke my ego. Heck, my first wife said that in our first 6 months together I had given her more climaxes than she’d had total in her life before me.
That may seem I’m bragging but…
Next month I’ll be married to my second wife for two years, and in that time she’ll only have had about a dozen climaxes, most of them through her own masturbation, a couple times through oral, and only once through intercourse.
She used to masturbate regularly as a teen/young adult, then lost the ‘desire’ for it. She said it was like her clit stopped working. When we are together, she feels pleasure, but it (almost) never builds up beyond a minor glow. I have tried everything I know, everything I have read or heard about. She has directed me time and again to what feels best for her. She has tried masturbating herself, both with and without me around. Nothing.
Her virtual inability to have a climax started long before she met me despite having lots of them when younger. She has no hangups with her body. Her clit just looses sensation after awhile, regardless of the source of the stimulation (manual, oral, or intercourse).
So to get back to the OP… I used to think that women who said they couldn’t climax with a partner must have just had a lousy partner, and those who couldn’t climax on their own, must have been ‘scolded’ as a child and didn’t know how to let loose and do it right. … Now I don’t think that anymore. Now, … now I don’t know what to think.
I think the point is this: It’s all of the above and then some.
Alot of people, and IMHO the OP implies, that the answer can be boiled down to one or two details. The real answer is that there’s probably a dozen generalized themes that can be blamed, some are unfortunate, some are easily remidied, and some are just the way it is. And any number of these may or may not even be a bad thing. Statistics don’t tell the whole story.
I was just talking about this the other week with the little old ladies in my rug-hooking group. (No lie. And they brought it up.)
I agree with you – the general culture has way more allusions to sex, with nowhere near the corresponding facts and discussion about sex, beyond as relates to sexually transmitted diseases.
Sex is still dirty, and it’s being talked about because it’s dirty, not to get over the dirtiness.
"So I was with my boyfriend, and I was getting close. And I like being close, because usually I’m far. Guys don’t understand the concept of close, because guys are always close. Guys are fuckin’ Glenn Close, they’re so close. And when I’m close, I have to say something, so he doesn’t stop, or do some shit I don’t like! ‘No, don’t lick my eye!’ …
“It’s just that it’s been my experience in having sex with some straight men that the sex is over when he gets off. And I don’t accept that. I want to have an orgasm. …Not right now! This is the Isaac Stern Auditorium!.. No. I want to have one. I will put a chalk board over the bed. One… one.”
In cultures where women’s sexuality is encouraged and males are taught to pleasure females, women have orgasms with every sexual encounter and men that can’t bring a woman to orgasm are considered unmanly.
Females actually have a higher capacity for orgasm than males. There are more women who are able to have orgasms through nongenital stimulation than males and of course, few men can have multiple orgasms like females do.
40% of women report that they can orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone. Of women who regularly masturbate 90+% can come easily each time.
The reason why females orgasm so little in our own culture had to do with our societies’ treatment of females and their sex organs, as other posters have mentioned.
Feel free to be skeptical. That’s why I used the words “wonder,” and “suspect.” I admit I’m working from a sample of four, plus hearing stories from other women that the foreskin helps. I have no doubt it varies from person to person (like Soylent Cola).
FWIW, I agree that giving a woman an orgasm tends to be more complicated, delicate, and variable than giving a man one. In fact a couple days ago, my husband was trying to operate a childproof cabinet we have that requires finesse, experimentation, and some luck, and I commented, “I know, opening that cabinet is like trying to bring a woman to orgasm, isn’t it?”
You know what the best thing about femaile orgasms is? For me at least, I can have like 20 or 30 orgasms per masturbation session. Which is wonderful. On the downside, though, so far I have only been able to orgasm with the help of a vibrator. I also didn’t have my first orgasm until age 25. But the fact that I can have so many in a row in one sitting really makes up for all those orgasm-less years!
You know, it’s always struck me as strange, this assumption that older folks wouldn’t know anything about sex or want to talk about sex. If anything, it seems to me that people with more years under their belts will have more experience, maturity, and comfort with themselves, their bodies, and their sexuality.
And they’re still human. Sex stays pretty interesting throughout people’s lives, I’m sure.
And as far as little old ladies being demure and retiring–hell, when I get old, I’m going to be even louder, blunter, and more obnoxious than I already am. I will have earned that right.
Even assuming that this is true, it’s still not conclusive. If a woman were for some reason physiologically incapable of having orgasms, that woman probably wouldn’t masturbate much. I’m not saying that this is the explanation (I’m woefully unqualified on this subject), I’m just saying it might be.
To which the correct response is “Let’s find out”.
Oh, I know. (I love hanging around older gay men for this exact reason.) But trust me, the rug-hooking group isn’t exactly Saturday Night Sex Show with Sue Johansen – let’s just say I wasn’t quite expecting a spirited discussion of STDs, sexual education, and same-sex marriage amid the clothcutters, millefeuilles, and tea.
But that’s not the gist of my OP – You’re exagerrating far beyond what I said. It’s not that “women don’t climax every day”, but that a surprising proportion rarely do and that an equally surprising proportion never do. And, yes, there are some people who naturally have difficulty, and some for whom the ability declines with age. But the proportions the story quoted seemed far too high for that to seem the solution. I strongly suspect that the conditioning women get, combined with the quality of their partners’ efforts has to take most of the blame.
