Female Orgasms

[The_Weird_One]

I’d like to chime in here. I don’t know if any other women have experienced this, but I find that I have two kinds of orgasms: one is of the intense, flailing-and-screaming kind alluded to earlier and comes from direct clitoral stimulation, and the other is less intense and comes from vaginal stimulation. The first I can knock off easily with my vibrator, but I rarely can achieve it during intercourse. The second kind I can achieve during intercourse if the guy knows what he’s doing and he and I are physically compatable.* For a while, I thought that the less intense orgasms weren’t orgasms at all because they don’t have the strong vaginal contractions that (I think) medically define female orgasm, but I’ve concluded that it is definitely a climax, just a different kind.

*Side note: IMHO, size does matter: the size of his equipment should match the size of my equipment. Too small doesn’t provide enough stimulation, too big hurts.

[kimera]

@nyctea scandiaca

Um, just curious… what cultures would those be?

The Mangaian culture is the most notable example. Mangaian men are taught how to give females orgasms at about the age of 13-14 because it is thought that a female orgasm is a necessity. Mangaian females have 2-3 orgasms per sexual encounter so Mangaians have a lot of sex. The average is 3 times a night dropping to a mere twice a night once a person is in their 30s. Premerital sex is encouraged.

Does that satisfy you Omniscient?

@Chronos

Even assuming that this is true, it’s still not conclusive. If a woman were for some reason physiologically incapable of having orgasms, that woman probably wouldn’t masturbate much. I’m not saying that this is the explanation (I’m woefully unqualified on this subject), I’m just saying it might be.

This is a response to those that say female orgasm is harder to obtain than male orgasm in females in general. They imply that the physiology of orgasm is much harder to reach for women in general.

[ShibbOleth]

[QUOTE=Stonebow]

[QUOTE=CalMeacham]
The SDMB patrons seem to be a healthy, sexy, and orgasmic bunch. Are they atypical?

Um…yes? The SDMB is the home of every exception that proves the rule. As a bunch, we tend to be more sexual than the norm, or at least claim that we are. We also tend to be more atheistic, less nationalistic, less likely to adhere to a monogamous model of relationships, are more likely to suffer some sort of mental illness, more likely to be on medication, be picky eaters, be foodies, and any number of other things that make us outsiders and complicate our lives.

The least we could get in compensation for all of our quirks is good sex.

Maybe it’s a causal relationship and not just a quirk.

[Ethilrist]

[quote=Stonebow]
As a bunch, we tend to be …
… less likely to be jerks… might be something there…

[FilmGeek]

Personally, I started masturbating and orgasming around age nine. I’ve only gotten better. Though I now need vaginal and clitoral stimulation.

I have a friend who has never had an orgasm, nor does she care to find out how. She’s got two kids, and a husband “who seems to enjoy himself”. It makes me sad that she’s SO afraid to say something to her husband (who doesn’t seem to notice) that she’ll never have an orgasm.

[eleanorigby]

Hmmm. Good topic.

I can and do climax in my sleep–and those are my best orgasms. I say this because sometimes I think it’s gone forever–like Margaret Cho, I am usually “far.”

I didn’t “masturbate” as a child–but I did touch and fondle as a way of comforting myself–no building to climax etc, think of a toddler sucking her thumb. Rubbing the peri-area was soothing, not exciting for me.

I found upon becoming sexually aware, that I had to un-learn the relaxation/comfort response. I still have trouble with it and have been sexually active for 25 years.

I cannot use a vibrator to climax, at all–call me autistic sexually, but a vibe is just too much sensation concentrated in too small an area-I cannot handle the overload of sensation. (Jeebus, and this is TMI!)

My opinion? I think that the Big O has become yet another thing that women judge one another on, but few actually achieve effortlessly. I know a few women(I belong to another, private bb) who will admit to owning a vibrator or even masturbating/watching porn. In my RL, noone I know will admit to any of the above. Mostly, it’s because we don’t talk about this, but if you want to stop a conversation in a suburban living room–mention any of the above. Maybe I hang out with the wrong people!

I do think that women, like men can have different level sex drives. So, in no way do I think that I am speaking for all women.

As for women not climaxing etc–combo of factors may be at the root of it. First and most important (IMO) is arousal–not much will happen if the pump is not primed…and with women, that takes a myriad of different routes. Frankly, I think arousal gets short shrift in alot of women’s lives.

As some of you know, I have had some problems with my husband on this issue a little while back. We have started to talk about this and to be more open about needs etc. It is working–but I am still not “regular”.
Geobabe said:

A great many women aren’t assertive enough to let their partners know what feels good to them, thinking he’ll get his feelings hurt or be offended

I would wager that many women do not know what feels good to them.

[Cat_Fight]

@Incubus

I don’t know why it still seems necessary for women to have the idea that her genitalia are ‘dirty’. Personally I think when you tell a guy ‘go to town!’ with his plumbing, but tell a girl ‘don’t touch it’, you get a lot of problems.

Word. The typical set-up of early sex ed classes may lie at the root of at least part of the problem: ‘Boys, go in that room to learn about wet dreams and how not to get your girlfriend pregnant. Girls, we’ll spend this hour learning how to use tampons.’