If you want to keep your name, why get married at all, after all it is supposed to be an outward symbol to the community at large of your commitment to each other, and a common name is part of that.
Just living together as a common law couple would get you the same legal protections (joint property etc) without the hassle of the name change.
Good point. One wonders what thoughts Roseanne Arnold would have to offer.
My own take is to note that his feeling that an insistence on keeping your maiden name demonstrates a deficit in your commitment to the impending marriage is a new thing. Might it be projection on his part?
Because being married isn’t about a name change? Also, if in US, most states don’t allow common law marriage.
When I got engaged, I assumed that my then fiancée would keep her maiden name. We never even discussed the issue. I didn’t know that she planned to take my name until we were filling out the marriage license a couple of days before the wedding. She was surprised that I assumed otherwise. Similarly I thought that she was going to go back before our (very friendly) divorce. I didn’t know that she was going to keep my last name until we were filling out the paperwork. Her maiden name is fairly common and easy to spell. My last name is very uncommon and really cool sounding. I’m often told by people like hotel clerks that it’s the coolest last name they have ever heard. I admit that I was pleased with both of her decisions.
Be honest with yourself and with him.
Is this a deal breaker for you? (It would be for me!) (Smells like a power move to me! I’d be running for the door!)
Is it a deal breaker for him that you take his name?
If you both say yes, it’s a deal breaker, then so be it.
Honesty. The best policy. Make it work for you, and Good Luck!
I don’t agree - but let’s say it’s true that a common name is part of it. Why can’t he change his name to hers , or both change to a third name? Would you ask him “Why get married if you don’t want to change your name?”? I suspect not.
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Got me, 
I should have said, “Why get married if you don’t want a common name.” Him taking her name is a perfectly acceptable (but a bit less common) mechanism to having a common family name.
Reason #412 why Marriage Is A Bad Idea.
The fiancé probably has a friend, coworker or family member who has been telling him that the name thing is an important symbol of commitment, and he adopted their position.
Maybe he should get married to that person instead.
It is an outward symbol, but it’s not the outward symbol. There are many other symbols that people use to indicate their commitment to each other, including ceremonies, vows, rings, and flat out telling people “we’re married” (or making references to “my husband/wife” in conversations with other people). Changing one’s name is not required in order to commit to each other, or to indicate to others a couple’s commitment.
Exactly correct.
My WAG is that if the wedding is getting close, within the next few months, this is just nerves starting to get the best of him, especially if he’s picking fights about other things that previously never bothered him. He may just be looking for one last off ramp.
My other guess is that it’s other friends or family, you said (that he said) they were fine, but as more people find out you’re getting married, he’s going to get advice from more and more people, just as you are. Suddenly, you’ve got aunts and uncles, grandparents and cousins hearing about this, worried about breaking tradition or losing the last name and there’s pressure on him. Double all this if it’s some flavor of Christian family and/or a church wedding.
Ride it out, stick to your guns, it’ll blow over.
Maybe remind him that he was fine with it a few weeks/months ago and ask him what change…perhaps even asking if it’s not him but someone else bugging him about it.
When my cousin got married, both he and his bride took a new last name by joining theirs together with a hyphen.
How do the kids get named (if they have children)? Lots of hyphens in three generations if they continue tradition? Now, in Mexico they do hyphenated last names with a pattern (I’m told it makes tracing a family tree much easier). That’s a Spanish naming convention, I thought. And I’ve on rare occasion in the US heard of a marrying couple picking an entirely new (non-hyphenated) last name. Okay, that might have been a one-off. Still, imagine how difficult doing family trees might be if everyone did that.
He doesn’t respect you, and you can’t trust him. Mutual trust and respect is a necessary condition for a viable marriage.
Dump him. It’s over. It’s gonna suck, but that’s the least harmful way forward. If you try to make this work, it will only get worse from here.
I should have added that I agree with those who see this development as a bad sign, possibly a very bad omen.
Married 47 years, I couldn’t have cared less if Mrs. Cretin had kept her “maiden” name, especially as I’ve never cared for either of our last names.
Our closest friends are a couple now happily married for 30 years; She elected to change her name from “Jane Middle Maiden” to “Jane Maiden-Married” but after about 10 years (IIRC) she started signing her name as “Jane Married” except for legal documents. Her husband mentioned to me that she just got tired of writing out the hyphenated last names. Simple as that.
My wife kept her name. I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s her NAME.
Their sons both have the hyphenated last name. One kept it when he married, the other hasn’t married. No grandkids yet.
Same-same. Why in the world would I want her to change her name?
So many options.
Hypothetical kid can choose to take their spouse’s name. They can, in an act of rebellion, change their last name to Lee, or Smith, or 5. They can hyphenate with the spouse, either by dropping one hyphen each, or they can have a four-name hyphenated monster of a surname: their business!
But “don’t do this because what if your grandchildren…” is a really poor argument, as is “but what about the genealogists.” Nobody is using surnames socially anymore; an unwieldy last name is not as much of a hassle as it would have been a generation ago.