Based on a conversation with my wife. Name a player — past or present — at every position that you hate or hated to complete your team. Players must have spent a reasonable time during their career playing the position that you’re slotting them for on your All Bastard Team. In addition to the starting 9 on the field, you’re allowed a DH (which can be filled by any position player), three position players on the bench, and three pitchers (starters or relievers) in your bullpen. Your hatred can be based on someone being universally despised, or for your own personal reasons (such as, they always kicked your favorite team’s ass). If the reason for the hatred is non-obvious, please provide some background.
Outfield, Ty Cobb.
Closer, John Rocker
RF: Reggie Jackson
Manager: Billy Martin
Owner: George Steinbrenner
For me:
SP: Jake Peavy. He just always seemed to beat up on the Dodgers, no matter who he played for. Pissed me off.
C: A.J. Pierzinski. Dude’s a dick.
1B: Miguel Cabrera. His antics are tired. Stop asking the damn umpire at home plate to check with the first base umpire on your check swings. Shut up and play.
2B: Jeff Kent. Hated him before he was a Dodger. When he was a Dodger, he insulted Vin Scully. VIN SCULLY! Fuck Jeff Kent.
3B: Alex Rodriguez
SS: I can’t come up with anyone
OF: Barry Bonds
OF: Milton Bradley. Again with the antics, even as a Dodger.
OF: Nyjer Morgan. His whole obsession with Albert Pujols was weird and pointless. And I hate Tony Plush.
**
RP: John Rocker
RP: Roger Clemens
RP: Jonathan Papelbon
Bench: Ryan Braun **
I’d put Billy Martin at second base.
Bucky Dent or Derek Jeter at SS.
Here’s one: I started following baseball as a Big Red Machine fan. They could mow down almost any pitching staff in the game, but whenever they got behind against the Mets, it always seemed they just couldn’t touch Skip Lockwood. The guy was as ordinary as it gets against anyone else, but he *owned *the Reds.
So, after all these years: Fuck you, Skip Lockwood.
Josh Hamilton.
I can’t think of anyone else for my team as my hatred of Hamilton is so large, it drowns out all the others.
1B: Steve Garvey
2B: Robinson Cano
SS: JETER
3B: A Rod
RF: Sammy Sosa
CF: Josh Hamilton
LF: Barry Bonds
C: Mike Piazza
DH: David Ortiz
Pitchers: Roger Clemens, Curt Schilling, Don Sutton
Bench: Jim Rice, Prince Fielder, Mickey Mantle
Manager: Ozzie Guillen
Owner: Clark Griffith
Dale: Why Sutton? Literally ONLY guy I don’t instinctively understand.
It’s due to his broadcast career, whoring himself out for the Hall of Fame, he’s not Hall of Fame worthy.
Basically, the Yankees. If they’re wearing Yankee pinstripes, I hate them, and that takes priority over all other considerations. Generally, I dislike people the media fawns over. If the media makes them a whipping boy (Rocker, Manny, Sosa), I find redeeming qualities. I disliked Barry Bonds, Rose, A-Rod right along with everybody else, I couldn’t find any redeeming qualities in them.
Sometimes I change my mind about people. I never realized how great Mantle was until I saw him play in person. Junor Griffey was like that, too. I saw Aaron play when he was a rookie, thought he was a lazy slacker, but I admired him later on.
I agree with the above poster about Josh Hamilton, I hate it when a player uses baseball as a platform for some other issue. I don’t like Curt Schilling for that reason.
And I don’t like relief pitchers who try hard to be the center of attention, like Hrabosky and Brian Wilson and the ones with weird posture styles like Papelbon and Kimbrel who looks like he’s in critical condition attached to pulleys in the orthopedic ward.
Most of mine are already covered, except:
OF Lenny Dykstra. Dunno if it needs explaining, but he has several felony convictions including indecent exposure.
2B Pete Rose. No one else has him on their team yet? Huh.
There are undoubtedly more awful people from before my time, but I’ll stick to people I actually saw play.
SP- Kenny Rogers
RP- Steve Howe (how many lifetime suspensions can one guy evade?)
C- Carlton Fisk (no good reason at all, except that he epitomized the Red Sox for me; I SHOULD like him!)
1B- Dave Kingman
2B- Roberto Alomar
3B- Pete Rose (I wouldn’t hate him as much if so many idiots didn’t LOVE him so much
LF- Barry Bonds (an asshole long before he took any steroids)
CF- Cesar Cedeno (murder is one of my pet peeves)
RF- Gary Sheffield (nobody else ever said more vile, stupid shit than he did… but writers who crucified John Rocker always just smileld and said, “Hey, that’s just Sheff.”)
DH- Milton Bradley
Oh geez astorian, thanks for reminding me of Sheffield and Bradley. I saw Bradley have a temper tantrum as a Dodger that made me ashamed of the whole human race.
nm
At least they aren’t psychopaths like Juan Marichal.
Anyone who has ever worn a Giants uniform. Including Orel Leonard Hershiser.
[weeps softly]
What’s wrong with Jeter or Cano? They seem like decent enough people.
When it comes to Jeter: he wouldn’t have gotten the time of day from most of the women he dated if he played for the Pirates or Royals. As for his signature plays:
- Giambi didn’t have the sense to slide.
- Any player worth a damn makes the effort to get that ball.