He was buried Tuesday in Long Island ,New York. It was a small, family only funeral of 15 people. He decided he wanted to be buried in a pine box and no flowers at the funeral .
At the end he went blind. Not because he could not see but because his brain could no longer process the images. It must have been horrible. He knew from December that his tumor was going to kill him. Then every day ,it grew and slowly chipped away at him. In the beginning, he could pick something up with either hand, but not both hands at once. But every day the erosion of his brain changed him . Seven months of losing part of yourself.
After the funeral parlor, we went to the cemetery, a beautiful rolling land on Long Island. They lowered him into the grave and then allowed people to toss a shovel of dirt on the coffin. I don’t know why that is a good idea. It is so final . I know he is dead but I felt like that is slapping your face with the somber reality. I would have been happy to skip that part. But I didn’t make the decision. His wife did. She is Jewish so that may be in her family traditions, but my cousin and I were not happy with it at all. I guess it is over now.
I’m so sorry to hear this gonzo. My condolences. I’d give you a hug if I could.
I’m so sorry, gonzo. Peace and strength to you.
So sorry gonzo for you and the rest of your brother’s loved ones. Today marks the 14th anniversary of my dad’s last admittance to hospital for pretty much the same thing. He died on 8th July, four days later. His formal diagnosis was much closer to the end - we didn’t have to endure the knowing and waiting time that your family did - but in retrospect the last year of his life represented the same gradual leaving that you’ve talked about with your brother. It was a bitter process, but the sting of it has faded over the years.
Again, I’m sorry for your loss, and for the cruel way it’s happened. I wish you peace.
My condolences, gonzomax. I know it has and will be difficult, but I wish you strength and warmth.
Yes, throwing dirt on the coffin is a normal ritual at Jewish funerals. I am sure she did not mean for it to be painful to you.
Peace to your brother, and my sincere condolences to your family.
I was hoping it would get to what other people do at funerals. The dirt was not my idea of a good idea. It is not what we did in the past.
But, I had a friend from Estonia that actually dressed his father after he died. He said that is what they do.
http://www.uscj.org/guide_to_jewish_fune6211.html Guide to Jewish Funeral Customs
Putting dirt on the coffin is “cheded shel emet”- an act of kindness performed without ulterior motive-the dead cannot repay this service. Your brother cannot bury himself, you are helping him with that task. He cannot thank you for doing that. He cannot help you with a need that you might have to return the kindness. I think it could be a comfort to know that some day, someone will help you with that task when you are gone.
I am sorry for your loss.
I wish you and your family comfort and good memories of his life.
My dad’s family is Latvian, and we throw dirt on the coffin. In fact, at my dad’s funeral, he was buried by his male relatives with shovels. And my cousin Cindy also took a turn shoveling, who was the only woman to participate. I didn’t. I was just too tired.
Not me. I want to will my body to science or at a minimum be cremated. I would like to spare my family that.
I had an uncle that willed his body to science. His relatives could visit at the morgue, then the body was not theirs. They had a church ceremony without the casket present. It seemed so clean and neat to me.
I’m sorry for your troubles, gonzomax. 
Yeah, let’s not discuss such matters for a very very long time.
I was taught that the benefit to doing the shovelful of dirt is that it helps you to realize that the person is really gone for good. I was recently at a Philippino funeral where everybody tossed a rose into the grave, which was much nicer.
I, too, am very sorry for your loss.
I m very sorry for your loss.
In Japan the deceased is cremated, but the larger bones (especially femurs) remain. Those attending the funeral say goodbye to the deceased, who is then wheeled (in front of everyone) into a waiting (sorry for word choice ) oven.
Then everyone repairs upstairs to eat cookies, drink tea etc. and wait. About 40 minutes.
Then we’re called back downstairs. Starting with the family, 2 people at a time share a pair of chopsticks to pick up these bones from the ashes and place them in an urn. Talk about ramming the message home that your loved one is dead eh.
There’s more, but this gives you an idea.
Condolences.
So sorry for your loss, gonzomax and LOUNE.
I am sorry for your loss, gonzomax. Rest in peace, gonzo-brother.
I’m sorry for your loss. May your brother rest in peace.
Not my idea of taking it easy on those who are already hurting.