You’re not in Louisiana are you?
The reverse question also applies. Why answer it? There’s got to be an actual reason why someone should, and you haven’t given one yet.
If you know you’re not going to be able to deal with the person, no matter who it is, why get up from whatever you’re involved in, make yourself minimally presentable, open the door and then explain to someone why you’re not actually willing to deal with them (which, despite being NOT RUDE AT ALL, would be taken badly by a great number of people) when you could save yourself all that trouble by simply not dealing with them in the first place?
I often don’t answer my phone, if I’m home during the day (it’s 90% telemarketers, 10% fax machines, 0.000001% people I want to talk to) and I never answer my door unless I’m expecting someone. None of my friends would ever visit me unannounced, because we just don’t lead that kind of lifestyle, so I can safely assume that if my doorbell rings unexpectedly the person on the other side is not a friend, thus greatly increasing the likelihood that I don’t want to deal with them.
What value does it bring to my life or theirs for me to answer the door/phone in these circumstances?
I remember one time when I was about three years pregnant with my first child (okay, maybe there’s a little exaggeration there, but it sure felt like three years). We lived on the third floor of an apartment building at the time, and we didn’t know the one set of neighbors on our floor, so the only people who ever came to the door unexpectedly were salespeople.
I was home alone and had fallen asleep in front of the television. Someone knocked on the door. I was VERY asleep, and chose to ignore the door knocking, so I dozed off again after the knocking had stopped. A little while later, after I had gotten up from the nap, there was another knock on the door. I opened it to find a college-kid-type salesperson who lit into me about how I hadn’t answered the door the first time she was there, and that she knew I was there because she could hear the TV. Then she started her spiel about how I should buy her magazines so that she could win a free trip to somewhere in the Carribean. I was still kind of waking up, and just stood there staring at her, trying to decide if I should point out that her salesmanship left quite a bit to be desired, or if I should point out that there are no laws requiring people to either turn off the TV when they leave OR answer the door when they are home. I finally just told her to go away and slammed the door in her face.
As for the phone thing, I definitely have some degree of phone-phobia, and my heart races like crazy everytime my phone rings. I have an unlisted number that I give out only to family and close friends, but even being on every Do Not Call list there is doesn’t prevent me from getting spam calls from charities and politicians. If I lived alone and had my druthers, I wouldn’t even have the ringer turned on, and I would just let the answering machine pick up every call. Even with the ringer, though, I don’t let my life revolve around the phone. CallerID helps, since I can see who’s calling before I decide whether or not to answer it, but I’ve used an answering machine to screen calls for years, much to my mother’s dismay. (My mother HATES answering machines, and even though I tell her over and over again that she should leave a short message, she prefers to just keep calling in hopes that someone will answer the phone.)
The people I need to communicate with on a regular basis have my e-mail address, or they can find me at work. I use the phone for my own convenience, and I answer the door only if I know who is on the other side before I look.
Well, someone mentioned Publisher’s Clearing House and their big checks, but I am guessing that even Ed calls ahead because the person is always home with a bunch of other people in the house.
Lynn, I’ve got someone who stops by unannounced and would like to use your method, can you comment on the effectiveness of A) being fully clothed and B) using a small handgun instead of a BIG rifle?
I’m convinced that all you really need is a recording of someone making that ch-chik sound as he jacks a shotgun. Maybe played through a speaker in the soffit over your front door.
To keep the cats from getting out.
I, too, enjoy it when friends drop by unexpectedly. Doesn’t happen very often, though. 
If I’m not expecting anyone, I just check the peephole. If it’s someone I know, great! If not, then I don’t answer.
As someone who used to have a job that took me from door-to-door, I can sympathize with people not wanting to be disturbed. However, most of the time I was knocking on doors to let people know that I was going into their backyard to inspect power lines and such. I could sometimes tell that people were home but not answering their door, so I’d be a bit more persistent in that case, ringing the bell twice or saying very loudly, “Hello!! Power company!!” But if they still didn’t answer I’d just leave a note on the door, and barge my way into the backyard, announcing myself loudly as I did so. I only caught a few people in, um, compromising positions. It was no skin off my back if someone chose not to answer their door. It may be a bit antisocial, but who said that was a bad thing? Shrug.
I have a “no solicitors” sign on my door that seems to work well, but what I’d really like is a sign that says, “Salespeople will be roundly berated and driven away in tears. That includes people selling religion.”
Possibly to keep the dingoes from getting his baby.
I sometimes pine for the days of moats and cauldrons of boiling oil.
Good point, Ghanima. Also, the unexpected guests knocking on my door are often delivery people who need a signature to deliver something to me or my roommates. Some of them refuse to drop anything off without a signature.
We don’t answer our door to anyone we don’t know. The small number of people we do know are welcome to come over. We have no family within 200 miles, and don’t know any neighbors. Only friend one comes whenever he’s in the neighborhood, but if it’s him, he can come in. Everybody else is either a salesperson, or those people in the white van from the church who have been coming by monthly for six years to recruit us. I am not opening the door to them.
As for the phone, almost without exception, the calls are for my wife, from students. She has a cell phone; I don’t. If anybody calls for me, it’s important. We’re on the Do Not Call list. So far, it’s been working.
I have no idea. When I’m at home, I am wearing only my undies unless I’m cold, or I’m expecting someone, or I already have a visitor, or I’m about to go out. I do keep a muumuu next to the door, as it’s easy to toss on (takes about a second) so I can open the door for delivery people, etc. Keep in mind that I knew full well who was on the other side of the door, and that I had tried gentler methods of discouraging her. Also keep in mind that the firearm in question is legal to keep in the house (I live in Fort Worth, Texas), even though I am not the primary user of firearms in this household. Give me a PS2 controller any day.
If you are not inclined towards casual semi-nudity in your own home, I suggest a peephole. When Unwelcome Visitor shows up, remove most (or all, if you dare!) of your clothes, grab the handgun, and then answer the door. Please let us know of your results. I think we’re gonna need a larger sample size, though. Anyone else gonna volunteer?
I’ve had repair people knock on my door, and generally I don’t mind them too much. I usually insist on going into the back yard with them, as our dog gets a bit anxious when there’s a stranger in the yard. The repair people are only too happy for me to chaperone my dog. We have the extra-large economy size dog, the kind with extra teeth.
Actually, it’s generally considered more courteous to ignore the phone or the doorbell altogether than to answer it merely to explain to your caller that you don’t intend to talk to them. That’s what Miss Manners says, anyway.
I don’t know where people get the idea that ignoring a phone or doorbell is somehow “precious” or impolite, as if the householder were refusing to acknowledge someone being introduced to them at a party or something. People minding their own business in their own homes have no obligation, legal, etiquette or otherwise, to pay any attention to outsiders making unsolicited attempts to get their attention.
Callers attempting to draw the householders’ attention to immediate emergencies should be screaming “Help!”, “Fire!”, etc., not just ringing and knocking. Visitors just trying to convey information about a non-emergency should leave a freaking note if nobody answers the door. I’m constantly amazed how clueless people seem to be about using good old writing to get a message across. The ancient Sumerians bust their asses for hundreds of years developing literacy, and we repay their efforts by fruitlessly banging on knockers and doorbells and phone keypads, yelling “Answer me dammit, I know you can hear me!” People, leave a note.
(P.S. Either I’m missing something, or the phrase “either certain or no uncertain terms” makes no sense. “Certain terms” is the same thing as “no uncertain terms”, no either/or about it.)
Sorry, kambuckta, I’m with the “Leave me the fuck alone!” crowd. I don’t like talking to people when I HAVE to for my job, I’m not going to do so after I’ve escaped that misery for another evening.
I think there’s a distinction between the phone and the door.
The phone, we always let go unanswered. The person on the other end can comfort themselves with the thought, “oh, I guess they’re not home” AND they can usually leave in a message all of the information that they want to convey to me.
The door is different. The person usually knows whether you’re home or not. You MIGHT be giving them the impression that you saw them coming and that’s kind of rude. It’s almost like sticking your fingers in your ears when they start talking and saying “nanny nanny boo boo”. It’s saying, “whatever you have to say is less important than what I’m doing right now” (which is probably watching TV). Even if you’re cooking supper, working on a project, or reading a book, you can find the time to answer your door.
Now, in the OP’s situation or having bothersome subordinates or talky neighbors. . .sorry, but that just indicates to me that you don’t have the social skills to define the boundaries with people. Your husband’s inability to tell his employees not to bother him at the house or your neighbor not understanding that you only want to be bothered in case of emergency or with advanced warning is YOUR fault. Not theirs.
Most people don’t mind having their doors knocked on. Since you’re unable to communicate that you’re not one of them, you take, essentially, a coward’s way out – you’re choosing not to deal with the problem.
A salesperson? Come on. Why even open the door. I crack it and before they can even start to speak I say, “sorry not interested” shut the door and walk away.
Yeah, I probably can, assuming I’m not up to my elbows in bread dough, or naked, or fucking, or don’t want to miss part of my TV show. Why does that mean that whoever comes to the door is entitled to have me do so? It’s my house, and when it comes to questions of manners, I’ll trust what Miss Manners says - namely, that not answering the door when it’s inconvenient is A-OK. You’re not entitled to my time just because you want it.
Right, because there’s no one in the world who lacks the social skills to figure out when they’re bothering the neighbors. I don’t like being rude, so I’m unlikely to choose a solution that involves telling someone not to come to my door again, or to shut up when they’re yammering about something irrelevant. And many people won’t respond to anything less - in some cases, they won’t even respond to those not-so-subtle signals. You can pretend all you like that there’s no one in the world who would act that way, but you’d be quite wrong.
Or, you know, the mannerly way out, as has been discussed earlier. You think it’s rude? Then get a book about basic etiquette and bone up. You aren’t the only person in the world who doesn’t understand simple manners.
Me too. I come from an unusually insular family, as well…I wasn’t allowed to go to many sleepovers as a kid, or invite friends over either. It didn’t seem at all strange to me…your home is where your family is, public is where you go to be with other people.
I have an uncle who can hardly cope with having service people out to his house. It’s deep in the woods, and he “doesn’t want a bunch of strangers seeing what all he’s got out there.”
IRL, I have many acquaintances but concentrate my energies on only one or two friends. If I need more than that, there’s you guys…and I love how y’all never call me in the middle of night or interrupt me when I’m sitting around in my underwear.
Says the guy/gal who made Lynn Bodoni his/her hero. Maybe you could show me where in that etiquette book, the appropriate response to a nosy neighbor is answering the door in your underwear with a rifle in your hands.
And no, I don’t believe there are people in this world who are so clueless that you can’t convey to them that you don’t want to be bothered at home. I’ve known them. They’re in my neighborhood. They’re in every neighborhood on Earth.
I guarantee there was a way to get Lynn’s neighbor to quit bothering her without the use of a firearm.
Can you guarantee it would be just as funny? If not, don’t waste our time.