I think this is very delivery-reliant. They’re almost all “slow burn” jokes–like it will take a second for the audience to get it, if it’s funny and they get it. And the one about how people come up to me and ask me about my sexy times music–they do!–is basically only funny in the delivery. It won’t matter how the audience responds to the first part. The joke will be in my pause, which will have to be timed right, and then appearing to think for whatever reason (audience reaction or just “my” own insecurity) people might assume no one asks “me” about “my” sexy time music.
So yes, delivery-heavy.
Fwiw I do a lot of small-crowd public speaking so I have a greater expectation that I can understand how to control delivery and respond to audience reactions than others here might assume!
You mentioned going with a Steven Wright/Mitch Hedberg style deadpan delivery, and I could see that working. Some of your material seems fairly good, and other stuff less so. Any jokes that bomb will the result of the audience having to work too hard to figure them out. You can always refine your material but I suspect the timing is going to be the critical factor.
I don’t think small crowd public speaking is going to help you do comedy like you think it will. Unless you do a lot of public speaking in front of a drunk crowd.
The joke about wanting three kids needs to go. It is awful. It doesn’t fit in with the rest of the set. You have at least three jokes that mention your wife, but this one talks about when you grow up. Plus its just too wordy. “But first I need a mature eldest child” You need to tighten up your wording.
I’ve never heard the phrase “sexy time music” and random people asking you what yours is, seems like something that most people can’t relate to. It sounds like a phrase you’d use to get sixth graders to giggle.
In music, a lot of one hit wonders play their hit song multiple times throughout the set. Perhaps you could throw the crowd off and just repeat the two or three best jokes for the whole three minutes. You did mention about delivery, so each time you can use a different delivery.
I’ve heard a lot of comedians talk about jokes that kill in one set for one crowd, and just bomb in front a different crowd with the same wording, so don’t expect to know what the crowd will react to. Can you do the set if they just stare at you blankly with zero reaction?
Are you going to film this? A trainwreck is always fun to watch.
I actually liked a majority of the jokes. I didn’t like the last one mostly because I don’t find much humor in porking my own mom. I read them in a very dry, one-liner approach in my head and I think that helped them land in my mind.
The other one that didn’t sit well with me was the “I want 3 kids one” because it was long and confusing and had too many aspects to it. Shorten that up: I want 3 kids when I grow up: 1 for the food stamps, 1 to get me cigarettes and 1 to take care of the other two when my wife leaves me. Hopefully that one’s the oldest".
Other than that, yeah I would have laughed at most of them.
Credit where credit is due— I hate public speaking and have never done standup or open mic; the stage fright would be fatal. So, props to you for getting up there. That said, if you deliver that set as-is, I predict you’re going to hear some groans by about the third joke in. Some of them sound more like throwaway tweets than jokes (and there is a difference, somehow).
I want to say Good Luck also. I like you Fry, I can see that you could turn this into something. It’s quite difficult to convey a comedy act in writing. I do hope you do well.
I could see most of these working with a very deadpan delivery, but lordie, you’re going to have to be spot on. Practice, practice, practice.
Even with great delivery, I don’t think some of your jokes work at all. That John Cage joke is going to whoosh 99% of the people in the room (and it’s not very funny anyway). The gentrification one isn’t very funny. The ‘paternal instincts’ one goes on for too long.
Somebody already mentioned tightening up your wording. Take that to heart.
Good luck! Writing material is hard. You’re doing a cool thing.
The best amateur night comedian I ever saw began his set by nervously doing his first two jokes. The place was dead quiet. Then, his “real” act started, in which he talked about what a loser he was. The “real” act was hilarious, the first two jokes were intentionally bad to set him up.
The last joke will work if done right. The first punchline - “…because I wouldn’t have been born yet.” is sort of a MacGuffin, it’s not the real punchline, the audience takes it as a lame joke at that point. Then the followup comes off as funnier, with a twist that will take a moment for the audience to pick up, which then invokes at least nervous laughter. It’s a good way to build to a crescendo in humor, but the finale has a context shift, and that goes back to my earlier post about the character of the comic, it will work better if the audience sees this as the kind of weird and abrupt angle based on the comic’s personality. Frankly, it’s a tough one to pull off for a first timer.
I just can’t see the last joke working at all. I still don’t get it. And the “making love to his wife” phrasing sounds so horribly odd/awkward to me, but perhaps the OP keeps finer company than I do.
This is exactly my take on how it’s supposed to work.
I do think it can very easily bomb though, exactly because as you say, the delivery has to be so perfect.
To be clear, I am absolutely and perfectly prepared to bomb. This is an experiment, not something I’m emotionally invested in. (I mean, if it works, I’ll be really happy about that. But if it doesn’t, I’ll just be like “yeah I didn’t expect it to” and I’ll try again a couple of times.
I would have just said “fucking” to be honest but the club I’m going to be at has a strict no f-bomb policy. Not due to puritanism but due to noobies overusing the word.
A comedian needs a hook, something to relate to the audience with, to draw them in. It’s not easy, especially in a <5 minute set. The “good” comedians take that long just warming up the audience.
