14 years ago today she died. A moment of inattention, a truck she didn’t see and that didn’t see her, and she was gone.
We had planned to be married within the year. We were in love as teenagers, but hadn’t seen each other in 10 years. At the beginning the summer (both of us recently out of bad marriages) we found each other again. We fell in love again instantly. Actually, I never quit loving her. I know she felt the same.
It’s always a little hard for me on this day. Today I did ok until about 20 minutes ago when Janis Joplin came on the radio. Although I’m happy with my new life, and love my wife (10 years this year), there are times when I feel the words of the song I just heard very strongly:
“I’d trade all my tomorrows for one single yesterday…”
I love my life, and I’d never trade
Between what you and me had and the life I’ve made
She’s here and she’s real, but you were too
And every once in a while I think about you
I don’t think the words exist for me to lend any comfort. Take special care of yourself today – I think she would be happy that you’re happy and in love, and I’m sure you love more purely (whatever that means) now because of her. What better tribute to her memory?
That was a very moving post, RJK. I suppose we all have loved ones that we miss at particular dates, or at certain times of the year. But she was your wife-to-be… I can’t imagine anything like that. And it scares me to even TRY to imagine it…
RJK, all the best. For one thing, I hope your current wife understands why you feel this way on this particular day. But then, maybe it’s a hard feeling to share.
I know how you feel. After 22 years of marriage, my husband and I separated. All through the separation, we continued a beautiful friendship. In July at the age of 44 he had a massive heart attack and was gone. If I could have one day back, I would love to hug him one more time and tell him how much that I truly loved him…
Once again, thanks everyone. The feeling of support is incredible, especially considering that with my post count I’m a virtual stranger to most of you. Thanks with all my heart.
Girlbysea: After 22 years it’s hard to even imagine the hole in your life a loss like that makes. My heart go out to you. I can only say this: Even though the feeling of loss doesn’t go away, it gets easier to deal with. With time, you find that the happy memories and the smiles tend to come first. Savor those memories. And at some point, it gets easier.
For me, when I think of my lost lady, I see her smile first. The most absolutely beautful smile ever. Even after 14 years I can see her smile in my minds eye.
