I keep hearing about this FWB sorta crap. Where the hell do you find it?
The only options I ever found…and they weren’t exactly as common as a Walmart for that matter…either involved lots of strings…or me making payments…or sex you’d have to pay me to have…
I’ve seen more potential UFO’s and Bigfeet.
I’m happy that you are feeling like you are in a good place. Congrats!
However, I’m kind of also with the people who say that life can be a bit of a roller coaster, so don’t be surprised or too disappointed if you experience some ups and downs in the months ahead.
It seems to be something reserved for the sexual elite (or maybe low inhibition combined with low standards, maybe?), as far as I can tell.
I’m technically married but I don’t have a relationship. I’ve been practically single for a few years, and maybe part of the reason I’m still married is that I have no interest in any sort of relationship. I know for a fact I will never marry again, but I might be interested in dating/“dating” again in a few years. There are too many things I would like to accomplish on my own, including taking care of my own health for a change. So, I don’t find it weird at all. Though I am very introverted and like a lot of time to myself. It makes me happy. No social dance for me, I don’t think.
Well I would PM you if I had advice on how to find a FWB relationship. I personally have not had such a relationship in some time. When I was in my very early 20s and before the AIDS epidemic hit full force, I wasn’t interested in dating anyone exclusively, but I wanted to be sexually active. I had just come out of a 3 year long relationship that started in my late teens. I wanted a break from having a boyfriend. I didn’t necessarily go looking for no-strings-attached relationships, but they just sort of developed naturally.
There’s one that I recall quite well. I met a young man at a friend’s party. We hit it off and exchanged phone numbers. He called a few days later (my land line! Remember those?). We spoke a few times before we made plans to meet after work for dinner. It was obvious that we shared some mutual attraction for each other. I let him know that I wasn’t interested in a relationship - just friendship and sex - and he happily accepted. I tend to be a pretty direct person. I don’t have much of a problem telling someone what I want, and need. Even back then, and that was 30 years ago. Oh god, I’m old now! I was a hottie back then :). Anyway, our FWB relationship just evolved from there. It was easy and care free. And it also ended just as easily as it started.
Unlike what some people may think - nobody was being used, or a slut…or all the other stereotypes that go with people (especially women) just wanting sex with no strings attached. We both had a desire for intimacy and sex and that’s that. Nothing to be ashamed of.
For me, those days are over. I was married twice after that - 17 years the second time.
I suppose my only advice is to be assertive and forthright about your needs. And listen to your instinct. If it doesn’t feel right - then don’t follow through with anyone who you’re not comfortable with.
There are many aspects of being in a long term and loving relationship with one partner that are truly wonderful. On the flip side, the right FWB situation can also be satisfying.
Though IMO, not equally so.
Good luck!
Congratulations! It’s a relief, isn’t it? I went through the same, a couple of years older, when that nagging, gnawing, constant need that had been with me since my early teens, just up and left, almost overnight (although I may have replaced it with a need to add commas everywhere).
Yes, I’m in the same boat. For most of my life I’ve been in one relationship or another and have spent the last two years in the dating scene. I’ve gone on lots of dates. Some I dated for a few months and I’ve had fun for the most part.
But every guy I ended up having more than one date with, there was always something that would bother me, even just a tiny bit. For instance one guy that seemed like a nice, smart and friendly guy was just a bit rude to the waitress. In a situation like that I just keep quiet because I don’t want to cause a scene or seem argumentative. So you just keep quiet but you think about it. Another guy drove very close to a cyclist because he was “hogging the road”. Again, I don’t say anything, don’t want to be a “nag”.
I know, of course, that I also do annoying things. Things that my partner would keep quiet about because sometimes it’s best just to keep the peace. If you’re in a long-term relationship, you have to do that sometimes. I’m not, so I don’t.
Everything I have in my home is here because I want it here. If the TV is on, it’s turned to something I want to watch, at the volume I want. When you’re in a relationship you have to just suck it up sometimes if they have the TV blaring on some show you don’t want to watch.
I realized that I don’t have to deal with all this stuff. I’m not in a relationship so I can just wipe my hands, say “done” and walk away. And so I asked myself why do I want to be in a relationship, and do I actually want to be in one. The answer was most definitely “NO!”.
This happened only a couple of months ago so it’s still a bit weird but the stress (of trying to sell myself to some guy who I know within 5 minutes of meeting that I’m not interested in) is gone. I’m not opposed to “dating” and I’ve met up with a guy a couple of times since then. I was upfront that I’m not interested in a relationship, but I’d love to go have dinner and wine and then back to my place for “dessert” and then it’s “ok, goodnight!”.
It really, truly, seems like the right choice for me. I’m at peace with it. And a couple of my married friends have said they wish they had thought about it more before they were married.
I loled 
Maybe my problem is I don’t know any people with low inhibition/low standards
People who are friends and also involved sexually instead of in a “relationship” in the traditional sense do not necessarily have “low standards.” And to insinuate that that is the case across the board is just labeling a very large group inaccurately.
That’s not what I said. That is what you interpreted. Look at the smiley faces and think about it.
Yes, I realize that you are not the person who said it, billfish678. And what I should’ve done is quote the original poster. Anyway, it really doesn’t matter. People are free to have their opinions.
Thats fine too. Though to be fair to the other poster what you said he said isn’t exactly what he said either if you know what I mean.
It’s all okay though.
Yes. And in rereading the comment, I may have overreacted. My apologies.
No problem. Thanks.
And sorry if I offended anyone out there. If they haven’t figured out my joke I’ll explain it.
Your response was meant for me, so here goes. What I said was an either/or thing.
I said either “sexual elite”- meaning very attractive people get these NSA offers. Or very extroverted, socially savvy, etc. Whatever makes someone successful in the sexual marketplace.
Low inhibition/Low standards were combined. Low inhibition obviously means not someone like me who is introverted with social anxiety. That’s not a judgment, I wish I had less inhibition. Lowered standards simply means people willing to have sex with people who don’t check off all the boxes for having a relationship and in my experience people even have higher standards for just sex which makes it difficult.
perspective- I am an introvert and opportunities like that have just never presented themselves or I’ve been oblivious. If they were there, It was always while I was married or exclusive LTR, and I have a clear boundary there. Also, I think I sort of inhabit a middle-tier area in the sexual marketplace. Don’t get me wrong, I would be delighted if I met a woman who was at least reasonably attractive and pleasant who actually wanted to have sex with me but did not want to get married, fix me, support me in some pursuit I didn’t previously know I wanted to do, save her from cat lady existence and/or single motherhood, etc. However, I don’t encounter these types. In my experience as a man who is neither a male model or terribly successful, I have found my casual sex opportunities severely limited, and I observe the same of my peers. For those of you fucking with abandon without investment or attachment, I salute you.
Thank you for the thorough explanation. I appreciate it. Your last sentence made me laugh. And no, that has never been, or will be me. I’m happily invested and attached these days.
Tonight I was a bit down. Found out a few days ago one of my old girlfriends from about 2 years ago is getting married. And tonight found out another older girlfreind is also getting married (and she said to me she would never get married…yep). Yes I’m happy for them and all that…but it kinda hit me a bit. Makes me wonder if anything really makes any sense any more in terms of why I vs others have success in relationships etc…But It’s also February and sucky (people are grumpy), so I’ll count my blessings. Still not looking to date though. It just gives me a headache to think about.
I’m still interested in a relationship and dating, but I’ve completely lost interest in rejection. It amounts to the same thing.
Sounds like you are in a good place, I’m happy for you. I’m married with children and for me it’s a lot of work and stress, my marriage has been rocky these last few years. I admit sometimes being envious of my single friends knowing though they have stresses like finances and such, I have all the same ones, plus the stress of marriage and raising children. There’s nothing wrong with being on your own and you can never be happy with someone else, if you can’t be happy alone. You can make great use of this time to do all the activities that are fun and interesting to you.