OK, so Karate Man is actually… Karate Boy. He’s 18. This, clearly is a deal-breaker, right? Considering she (like me) is a high school teacher. Even assuming he’s in his first year of college, he’s definitely too young.
Right?
Oh, let me also add how RELIEVED she is that she didn’t just fling sex at him… that would have been EVER so awkward and horrible, not to mention scandalous enough to affect her job, should it get to the wrong ears (at 18, he could still be in high school).
Mein Gott. Is this what it means to get old? You age, but the people you ogle stay the same age? Ugh. I think I’m going to buy a Porsche and start my midlife crisis a bit early.
How bizarre! I would say that, at 18, he’d be more likely to take her up on a fling, not less. Teenagers are not done with those hormone surges, and they often don’t have those pesky moral qualms or sense of boundaries we all pick up as we age.
Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to get involved with one. Odds are good it would’ve ended in disaster. And since he is probably less informed on women than an older man, she’d definitely be taking advantage of him.
As for Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett, take a good, long look at him in The Opposite of Sex. He cleans up real well, without that stupid hairdo. And he has a great body. Besides, they’re divorced now, anyway.
On one level, sure, one imagines a teenage guy jumping at free sex… Unless his reaction is, “Whoa. You’re like, old. No way, man. My girlfriend is 15 and can touch the bottom of her foot to the back of her head…” Imagine the jolt to the fragile ego THAT would be.
No, I think it’s best to leave him to the realm of misbegotten fantasy. I guess this probably happens to guys all the time, right? Digging a girl only to find out she’s a mere child. Sucks. Moving on…
Definately NOT a deal breaker! Here’s why: An 18 year old male generally has a hard (no pun intended) time getting laid. It’s generally not safe (from a legal perspective) to sleep with any woman younger than you (it being statutory rape in many states), and 99.999% of older women aren’t interested in someone so “wet behind the ears.” It’s also the perfect match up, he’s in his sexual peak, and she’s just hitting hers, so the two of them can take turns tiring the other one out. 
I can remember when I was 18 and wishing that some woman would take advantage of me!
I have a hard time believing these are typical male responses. I’m a 21 year old male, but I would never agree to have meaningless sex with someone I didn’t know. I think the people who say they would are actually picturing a specific person or persons. For instance, when I was 19 one of my mom’s friends, who was in her forties, was constantly flirting with me and invited me to travel to Europe with her. I knew her to be highly intelligent, fun, and successful, and it was a huge ego boost that she seemed interested in me (for example she knew I would like to go to a lot of museums because I wanted to be an artist) so I accepted. But if I got propositioned by someone I didn’t know well and who couldn’t know me very well, no matter how attractive they were, I would not only not consider it, I would walk away depressed about the whole thing.
Well, in my experience, teenage girls are lousy lovers. Fortunately for them, most teenaged guys are too clueless to know “good” sex from “bad,” anyway. And I’m sure the jolt wouldn’t be that much greater than whatever jolts the guys your friend has turned down experienced. There’s a reason the saying “It takes balls” became synonymous with courage. Women don’t risk rejection that much. Maybe they should. It might do them some good.
**
I’ve known plenty of guys who didn’t let it stop them. The dumber ones wound up in jail. “Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed” was the saying where I grew up, unfortunately. Others, like my step-father’s brother in law, ended up marrying her.
Amen. That’s pretty much what I said. On a different note, you made it with you Mom’s 40±year-old friend?! Way to go! I’d LOVE to hear more details about this! Where did you go to ah, “be together”? How long did it last? And did you Mom ever find out?
Why couldn’t MY Mom have friends like that? 
You guys do realize that being a teacher basically makes such a liaison impossible? If he’s in high school, it doesn’t matter if he’s technically legal. If he’s not in HS, no matter how much she liked him, they could never be public about it b/c it would be SEVERELY frowned upon, if not job-threatening. For example, I have students his age, and my students from years past are now several years older than that! It would be very weird.
I also think that most guys that age would never think of a woman over 30 as an option, even if they thought said woman was hot. I thought men in their 30s were hot when I was 18, but not as possible romantic matches. They were in a different realm.
I would like to point out to any lovely 18 year old ladies out there that my realm is very much open and available if any are so inclined.
When I was 18, one of my brother’s 17 year old friends was “seduced” by a woman in her thirties. Let me tell you, the “seduction” probably required no more effort than arching an eyebrow, and I wouldn’t have found out about it, if he hadn’t been proud. Not one guy criticized him. Of course, this was the seventies, perhaps morality really has changed that much.
That said, Rubystreak, no way in hell. If she is a teacher, nothing good can come of this.
However, I’m in great shape, and old enough to be that kid’s father.
Ruby, if the guy discussed in the OP were a teacher at a school, college or university i would definitely agree with you here. But, in my opinion at least, there is not the same burden of professional responsibility on the teacher discussed in the OP. I don’t mean to imply that teaching martial arts is somehow less important or less professional, but it always seemed to me that teacher/student relationships in such settings are not as formal or as governed by protocol. I suppose this depends on whether the class is a full-on martial arts class designed to turn people into black-belts, or whether it is a more casual class designed to teach self-defence for everyday situations. For me, a key issue would be whether the teacher has any real power over the students’ future (careers, etc.) in terms of grading, references, etc., because a key issue in student/teacher relationships is the power imbalances. If the student can simply ditch the class and dump the teacher with no concerns about repercussions, then i don’t think the power/professional aspect is such a big deal.
Whoops - i fucked up. I just realized that your friend is the teacher and that she’s worried about being with, or being seen with, an 18 year old guy. Please ignore my previous post.
Well, this is less of an ethical dilemma than it is one of personal propriety and sensitivity. If he’s out of school, and he’s of legal age, there’s no legal or professional reason to avoid him.
Some people, however, do gossip about relationships like this. I suppose it depends on:
a) how small your town is, and how likely others are to find out about it
b) how nosey and judgemental those people are
c) how much your friend cares about other people’s opinions
d) whether other people’s bad opinions could have an effect on her career and her standing in the community.
It’s essentially a case of measuring risk versus reward. I think the guy would probably go for it, but it’s up to your friend to decide if she wants to take the plunge.
She wasn’t too hip to go for it when she thought he was 22, so no way she’s going for it now. Also, it’s a little embarrassing for her to realize the person she was considering seducing is the same age as the kids she’s responsible for at work. I think of all my students as children, even though many of them look like (and try to act like) adults. It keeps their sometimes idiotic, self-destructive, and immature actions in context, which makes their behavior much easier to deal with than it would be if they were adults.
It would be a serious breach in teacherly professionalism to screw a teenager, when one HAS to have carefully constructed and maintained boudaries against such things. Maybe in 2 years it would be a remote possibility, but by then, it probably won’t matter anymore anyway.
I think my friend has already decided to try to find someone else to have a crush on. Why don’t we have a Dopefest on the east coast? Anyone want to organize it?
Whoa! I never knew Holden Caulfield posted to the SDMB!
(I’m sorry mate, but I couldn’t resist it. Put a load of various smileys after my post.)