Yay! My first double post!
(I swear, I just hit the button once).
Confucious say: Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
“You will die alone and afraid, knowing not
a single human being ever loved you. Lucky numbers 3, 18, 80”
‘If you don’t like this fortune, then stick it up your ass’
I got this one Saturday night. Really.
Pretty much anything that appears in The Onion’s horoscopes.
**Your waiter is sneaking up behind you with a cleaver
Inspected by #23
Silica Gel – Do Not Eat
Help! I’m a prisoner in a Bad Joke Factory!
This Cookie has been impregnated with a poison. For the antidote, call 1-800-ANTIDOTE. Have your credit card ready.
…is a Mobeius fortune. This is a Mobeius fortune. This is…
Your Weight: 176 Your Fortune: You will be eating more salads.
See Star Wars III!
This is a Good Luck message from the next table! Pass it on! Don’t break the chain!
Did you find the service satisfactory? Yes___ No___
Were you served promptly? Yes___ No___
Continued on next Cookie.
[hijack] reading this thread becomes much more difficult when your brain automatically attaches “in bed” to the end of any fortune cookie fortune. [/hijack]
Go to bed with itchy bottom, wake up with smelly finger.
The pair of BVD’s you found at your girlfriend’s do not belong to you.
Pigeon, seagull and crow all taste like chicken.
You were adopted.
Your fortune will not come back, so forget stocks and start stuffing money in the mattress.
You will have Italian tomorrow.
Fortune? You’re lucky you got a COOKIE!
that wasn’t a wrong number
if you can read this, I am under your table
you will be elected President in 2004
My office-mates and I go to Chinese once a week for lunch. I am secretly hunting for a new job, and my last three fortunes are:
Don’t wait to long
Your efforts will be rewarded
A new challenge will present itself soon
Your poo tomorrow morning will contain a very valuable diamond. If not tomorrow, then the next day. If not a diamond, then a piece of gold shaped like a tooth.
[Simpsons]
Geese Can Be Troublesome.
Your Store is Being Robbed, Apu.
[/Simpsons]
Heh… one my SO got, while I was sitting next to him:
“Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.”
Here’s ones I’d like to see:
“We predict the Brewers will win 13 games this season.”
(I may have gotten the # of games wrong, but bonus points to anyone who knows what I’m making reference to.)
“Your credit card will be rejected.”
“Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.”
“Screw up your life, you’ve screwed everything else up.”
“Screw up your courage, you’ve screwed everything else up.”
“Xerox does it again and again and again and…”
“Don’t hate yourself in the morning–sleep till noon.”
<< Computer programmers know how to use their hardware. >>
No fortune, just a folded up ten dollar bill. Hell, as long as I’m dreaming, a hundred dollar bill.
You are wise and perceptive. Gullible too.
My fav: " You now have the Hong Kong Flu"