I am supportive, I just find it odd, partly because I’ve never heard of this type of shower.
Reflecting, I’m supportive mostly because of the emotions and pain behind the prospect of never having a baby shower. If she had other children, biological or otherwise, I think I’d be less supportive. I can empathize with the pain she must be feeling and the joy of finally having a child in her home and wanting to celebrate it. I just fear that she may lose the child in a few days or weeks and the purchase of child specific gifts as part of the shower might be for naught and even more painful for her down the road.
That said, perhaps, as mentioned, she’s in the foster to adopt program and this child is eligible for adoption relatively soon. Removing custody from the parent(s) can take a long time, and in the process the child is considered a ward of the state (or province) and therefore a foster child until legally available for adoption. This may be an almost sure thing and it’s just legalities at this point. Personally, I’d be too scared to have a shower until the papers are signed!
I would attend such a shower with intentions of celebrating with the new foster parents and providing a few essentials for child care and possibly a couple toys the child might keep whether he or she stays or leaves. This seems more like chipping in on a charitable act more than a gift grab. Think of the good this mother will be doing! I’m excited for her and proud, and don’t even know her. Fostering is a hard, scary, unknown, and the potential for broken hearts is huge. But so is the potential reward.
Yeah, I really don’t see what difference it makes. Holding a shower for yourself like people occasionally do does seem tacky, but almost all of the showers I’ve been to have been held by family. Mine was held by my sister and friend together, so I guess I was half okay.
If it wasn’t so glaringly obvious what was going on, maybe you’d have some room for a point. But this woman has quite clearly gone through a lot, and although her original dream didn’t work out and she has found a new path, she’s probably still longing for some of the “normal” rites of passage that come with becoming a mother. I can’t imagine the courage it must take to give up on having a child and embarking on a different vision of motherhood that comes with a whole new world of challenges. Why would you begrudge someone who has gone through so much a party? Even if your first reaction is to raise your eyebrows, wouldn’t your second reaction be to realize that this is a human being who you like, and to throw the etiquette books away?
I think everyone basically gets one baby shower in their lifetime, and I’m not going to judgey about the exact details. A baby shower isn’t some kind of merit badge for successfully fertilizing an egg. It’s a celebration to welcome a young new family member (whoever they are) and to be around your loved ones as part of a community. It’s one of the ways we mark time and the stages of our lives. Whatever form it takes, the transition from “no kids” to “caregiver” is a huge and meaningful one. Sure, she has a slightly different path, but becoming a foster parent is worth celebrating, too.
I’d raise my eyebrows if someone had a second shower (unless it had been many, many years since their first child was born), but other than that, why not? Parties are fun!