There’s a couple my wife and I have known now for about 3 years. They socialized in the same circles as us and a few other close friends. They had moved to our town about 3 years ago for the husband’s job, which happens to be with the same company I work for. He’s an upper level exec, with one of the divisions of our company. As such, I see him at work infrequently. There are about 3,000 employees at our HQ location. The wife was not enthusiastic about the move to our town, but has slowly made relationships. They have three kids, eight and under. About a year ago, the wife told my wife, that they were separating. Among the allegations she has made are:
Cheating. He has apparently cheated on her at least two times with prostitutes when he traveled for work.
Lying about money. She found a hidden bank account with about $50 thousand in it. Multiple transactions with online sex sites, etc. charged to this account.
Lying about work. He would tell her that he was traveling for work, when in reality he was taking vacations on his own, leaving her with the kids.
Lying about the kids. She would plan a girls’ trip for a long weekend, with him supposed to be staying home to watch the kids. He would arrange for his mom to come in and watch the kids, under the guise that he and his wife had a trip planned, when he would head out of town on his own. And tell her that everything went well with the kids when she got back.
I’ve generally never been a big fan of the guy, even before I learned about their problems. He’s a narcissistic momma’s boy. An only kid, whose parents gave him everything and always told him he was better than everyone else.
They haven’t gotten a divorce nor has she filed. The still live in the same house together, they just don’t sleep together. She wants to move back to the state where they moved from, half way across the country. She believes that if she divorces him here, that they will get joint custody, and then she won’t be able to move without giving up custody of their kids. He’s not willing to move, because of his job.
So she’s stuck…sad to see.
Since this has all come out, I’m cordial to the husband when I see him, but I generally try to avoid him, because I tend to believe the allegations she has made about him, and I don’t have a lot of respect for the guy.
No 1:
One side of the story only.
No 2:
She is an adult and unless you have actual suspicion of abuse, how she spends her life is not really anyone’s concern.
No 3:
They could make up and then you and your Missus will be the bad guys to both of them.
No 4:
Women really share everything with their friends don’t they?
As stated earlier, you’re only hearing one side of the story. While all the allegations may very well be true, you don’t have the full picture.
Additionally, if this guy is an upper-level exec at your company, why would you want to do anything that might put you on his radar. He may not be directly over you, but you don’t know what influence he might be able to wield to make your professional life difficult. If all those allegations are true, then it doesn’t seem like it’d be beyond him, and if they aren’t true… then you stuck your neck out for no reason.
And never belittle an “ex.” Had friends who did that after a big break-up with a classmate of mine and his live-in girlfriend. She moved out, without warning, when he was gone for three days. Friend was crushed, and a bunch of people rushed to his aid, offering comfort and support, while talking about how trashy the ex was, and saying numerous unflattering things about her. Well, they got back together two weeks later, he told her everything that people said, and it basically caused the dissolution of all of those friendships. Luckily, I was out of town during most of it.
Hmmm, I’d consult a lawyer before I did that, leaving and then asking for custody can easily be read as “abandoning children” (to be fair it in fact is) by a Court later on.
As a side thing, regarding the no sex claim, take that with a pinch of salt. When I was a young lawyer doing pupilage, I spent some time with the head of family law at the firm I was interning in and one client who came said he and his wife had not had sex for years, slept separately etc etc.
Ok. At the end of the meeting, he stated that his soon to be ex was preggers. “Oh from a boyfriend” we asked. " Oh no, it’s mine" he stated. Apparently, the occasional quickie in the living room or after they both had too much to drink did not count.
As far as being in his line of fire…not going to happen…I’m farther up the food chain. As far as I know, the guy’s not done anything wrong related to his job. People can take vacation for whatever reason they want.
And I could care less if they get back together again or not. She’s bemoaned her situation to most everyone we know. Just wish she would do something or stop talking about it.
Well duh…who walks out of a marriage and plans to file for divorce without talking to an attorney these days. Especially people in their income bracket.
A woman I know just went through something similar with moving to a state for the husband’s job and he makes really big bucks. He was doing the same thing, cheating among other things. They divorced and she ended up getting a lot less like hundreds of thousands of dollars less so they could end the divorce quickly and allow her to move back to her home state with the kids. She still made off way better than most women going through a divorce but she was stuck in a tough situation and had to compromise and give up money and property she was rightly entitled to, but I guess she figured it was worth it to go the quick and dirty route as the guy was being extremely manipulative and controlling and making all kids of financial threats and such against her.
She might want to ask a lawyer about that, seems custody of the kids would be an issue outside of the marital status. Moving away before a divorce might even hurt her chances as it would look like abandonment.
