the thing I find most ironic is that some one would post such a thing on this message board and expect only “oh, you’re so right to be hurt and offended, you stellar example of truefriendship that “b” doesn’t deserve at all, he should be kissing your feet that you allow him to grace your party at all”
as many have pointed out and you’ve ignored: He’s not replacing your party w/the other, he’s attending two. This is very common for NYE’s parties. especially when one (yours) is going to be partially held at a bar. It ceases to be ‘your party’ unless (as has been mentioned) you’ve rented the entire place out.
as many have pointed out and you’ve ignored: yes, you’re over-reacting, and were really quite rude to some one you claim to love like a brother and more. Friendship does not equal “must always do what friend wants me to do”. Or at least mature friendship doesn’t.
I am reminded of so many other threads started by so many other people where they post some scenario and ask “aren’t I right here?” and are shocked to find that many suggest ‘nope, not really’. and then, instead of re-evaluating one’s response (which is, of course, the premise behind posting a question ‘am I right here?’), complaining that the people who don’t agree w/you are ‘being mean’ etc etc.
If you don’t want an honest assesment of your question, try posting it at a teletubbies message board. Even ones where there are strict rules about politeness, you won’t only get replies that agree with you.
It is debatable whether your guest acted rudely. NYE parties are generally perceived to be open houses and not formal parties. Coming and going is expected. You even planned to leave your house to go to a bar at some point, which cements the notion that it is a very informal gathering.
Your friend RSVPd that he’d be there. He was also upfront that at some point he’d be leaving to go somewhere else. B.F.D. I’d say he acted like a perfect gentlemen and was undeserving of your venomous reaction.
Besides, even if you INSIST that he is in the wrong, a guest acting rudely does NOT excuse a hostess for acting rudely. As hostess your job #1 is to make people feel welcome. You have failed miserably on that score.
You have NO CHOICE but to: a) accept it; or b) end your friendship.
B is not you. He is B. Spending midnight on 1/1/2004 with YOU is obviously not as earth shatteringly important to him as it is to you. People change. Traditions fall by the wayside. Accept it. Respect it.
That’s occurred to me, too, as I’ve read through this latest in the genre. If nothing else, these threads should act as a deterrent to posting a rant in the first heat of rage and self-pity. I know I’m keeping that firmly in mind.
Damn, people, chill out. I can’t believe this one thing is getting everyone so riled up and hateful. Faruiza I find it interesting that you can diagnose me as insane from one stupid pit thread over one party. You don’t even know anything else about me except that I lost my temper yesterday and should have thought before I spoke.
Look, I asked you all for your opinion…you said I was being harsh, mean, etc. I agreed. You all helped me realize that I should have approached this in a different way. Some even agreed that they would have felt bad too. End of story. Why must you keep pouncing on me?? You won! You’re right! Now stop attacking me please. Thanks for your advice, but no reason to be so mean about it.
Except you didn’t really agree, nyctea scandiaca, at least until your last statement. You said he was being as rude, you said there were additional things we weren’t taking into account, you said we didn’t understand your friendship, you said we were being unreasonably harsh and unfair, etc. In short, you weaseled and danced around, doing everything except agreeing.
And I hope that your apology didn’t/doesn’t have the same characteristics. The best apologies are “I’m sorry for xxx.” No, “except you did this,” or “and I expect you to apologize” or extra conditions. Just a suggestion - don’t weasel.
Another suggestion: you can (I believe) have a mod close a thread if this is getting too much for you.
You wouldn’t have gotten a pile-on if you hadn’t insisted over and over again that you were right, right, right!!! and totally failed to acknowledge any of the good advice you received that didn’t happen to agree with your insistence that you were the wronged party. You say:
You agreed?? Reread this thread and take a look at how you denied any wrongdoing on your part, insisting again and again that you were the injured one.
We don’t know anything about you? Heh. You’ve revealed way more than you think by the way you’ve handled your friend and your pity-party Pit thread.
I suggest you print this thread out and reread it a month or two from now. You I hope will be horrified to see just how bad you made yourself look.
nyctea, I take it you didn’t unconditionally apologize to him? I take it you offered him the same style of retraction you offered here – defensive, lashing out, accusing even as you elliptically apologize?
Your behavior is shameful. It continues to be shameful. You ow your friends better than this, and you need to learn to listen to heartfelt criticism without lashing out.
Yes, some people here are being harsh. The harshest person in this thread, I’ll remind you, called her best friend shitty and implied that she’d end the friendship over an infinitesimal slight. That person is in no position to criticize other people’s harshness.
I diagnosed nothing. I merely made a tongue-in-cheek statement made to lighten the mood of things. I have continued to temper my posts to you with comisseration.
I will no longer do that. I am currently feeling damn sorry for this poor cat if this is how you behave on a regular basis. Even if my comment WAS at the time tongue-in-cheek, the gloves are now off, and I’m tellin’ you that anyone who thinks they’re right no matter what may need to re-evaluate their issues, instead of spending time defending their stubborn refusal to acknowledge their own mistakes. Do not accuse me of diagnosing anything.
ataraxy, that’s actually why I can’t work early-shift jobs. I used to work at a bakery at 6 am, but too often I’d decide, when my alarm clock went off at 5:15 am, to let my clone go to work while I stayed in bed sleeping.
At 5:15 am, that makes perfect sense – I was perfectly sincere in my intentions. Unfortunately, my clone never once showed up at work like I’d planned on him doing, and I decided I needed to get jobs working at a more reasonable hour.
Whenever someone uses the phrase, “Maybe I just care too much,” brace yourself for a barrage of irrational, self-righteous and indignant shit. The person who says this means to say, “All my behavior is okay because I am the caring one in this situation; the other person is a heartless brute.” What they are really saying is, “I am emotionally out of control.”
What you should hear is, “Run! Run fucking screaming, now!”
You know, it’s entirely possible that the reason S decided to host a separate party was because she didn’t want to celebrate NYE in a crowded noisy bar…
Life is so short. Best friends are so rare. People who sweat over unintentional slights are utterly annoying.
You are a blessed person. You not only have a best friend, but you also have a heap of people who love you enough to celebrate the new year with you. Not everyone has those things going for them. You’re ruining it by being selfish and insensitive. Stop it before it’s too late.
B was completely out of line. Who the fuck does he think he is, seeing how nyc has invested 8 years into their friendship?! Surely that gives her the right to dictate his behavior? Drop that no good ingrate like a bad habit. Who needs fair weather friends like him!
And don’t stop there. Look at this opportunity as a gift, nyc. Make sure you stop by S’s place right around midnight, and let B have a earful in front of all of his “friends.” Let everyone in your social circle know that you won’t stand for this type of treatment.
While you are at it, make sure B’s mistreatment of you and S’s duplicity is the major topic of conversation between you and any of your invitees who show up tonight. If they don’t like it - tough! No one gets to dick you over and get away with it.
I’d really like to know how NY and her friend solved the problem. It would be nice if we had some closure… For example…
“I beat my friend into submission, and he finally apologized… He said he’ll never see S again”
or
“B and I had a good discussion about his sexuality - I told him that it didn’t matter if he was Gay or Straight because as long as he could give me emotional support 24/7 I didn’t care what he does in his spare time”
or
“I told B that at the stroke of midnight, he better be at the bar with me, or I’d take a sledgehammer to his car windows.”
So… what happened?
Party with N and watch her smootch her significant other while I (the loyal lapdog) watch with regret knowing that I have pissed away another NYE without any action myself…
OR…
Keep friendship intact by at least going to her party and then get my own smootchee at S’s party…after all, N is a great friend, but not my ideal smootchee, and this year, my urge to smootch is too great to stow away for another NYE party…
[/Reading B’s thoughts]
Even best friends can’t be there for EVERYTHING…otherwise, they would become your significant other…this realization is crucial to preserving any friendship throughout your remaining years!
I’d rather party with Fenris, Deadly Accurate, Desk Monkey, tdn, et. al.; they sound pretty level headed when they’re sober, they’ll probably be just as fun when they’re not sober…but then again, Ms. Rex might have something to say about our plans…
