A wedding rant

I’m not sure if this is the appropriate forum, as I’ve never posted here, but here is my rant:

A friend (Friend 1) of mine met a girl in February and got engaged in May or June of this year and made me his best man. He told me that I would be in charge of his bachelor party. Throughout the summer, they have slowly weeded out friends that “they” don’t like much anymore from his side.

The wedding is this Saturday, so I’ve been doing some planning. About 2 weeks ago, he told me that he and his bride-to-be wanted it to be a mixed party of both of their friends, rather than just a bachelor party. A friend (Friend 2) of mine’s girlfriend offered Friend 2’s house as the location. I was fine with that. A day or 2 later, she decided to have it at her uncle’s house instead. I was also fine with that.

An old friend of mine that I went on a date with recently also offered her house to use for the party. She was friends with our group for several years, but has been away for about three years. She has been around for a few weeks and was invited to the party. Since I haven’t told anyone details yet, I decided to move it there since there would be more room. Today I sent Friend 2’s girlfriend a text letting her know that I was moving the party and I asked how many people were coming. I also let her know that if it was a large enough group that I would get a DJ and a bartender. I also mentioned another guest that I would be inviting,

She responded that I would have to get Friend 2’s permission to invite this guest. I never responded since I don’t need Friend 2’s permission to do anything. Friend 1 got on Facebook earlier tonight and I told him where the party was going to be. He told me it was at Friend 2’s house. I said that it was going to be at his girlfriend’s uncle’s house, but I was changing that. He sent back “It’s now at Friend 2’s, invite only, no booze, and no music.” Friend 2 is a control freak and doesn’t allow anyone he doesn’t approve to hang out with him. Apparently Friend 1 went along with his idea. The “party” is going to be everyone reminiscing about each other. Music and drinks make the couple “uncomfortable.”

I was pissed that it was pulled out from under me, but whatever. It’s their wedding and they can do what they want. I asked who all was invited and the list cut off several of his friends that were expecting to come. It also cut off the girl that I went on a date with. I let them all know they were no longer invited and, of course, feelings were hurt.

Even though I’m the best man, I don’t think I’m going to the party. Another groomsman said he’s not going since several of the groom’s and ours friends have been left out. Am I wrong in skipping the party?

Correct answer:

From the Book of Bestmen, the unwritten laws of handling your bud’s wedding - you should just roll with the punches and try to smooth the way for the bride and groom no matter what ridiculous, petty, trite, childish, stupid (etc, but you get the picture) demands are made. As best man, you are the fixer. Be nice, be civil, guide the bride and groom in to making good decisions when you can, but follow them when you can’t.

Sensible answer:


I’d be surprised if anyone turned up. They’ll either be at F1 house, F2 house, Uncle of F2 house or newF house. What a balls up. No drinks? No music? Shit, it may as well be at the funeral home.

If this were me, I’d tell them that if they want to run things, then by all means run things and declare myself off the hook as best man. They can run “best man” between themselves.

Of course, this depends on how much you like the guy. If you’re best friends, suck it up, go the party (where ever it is), do your job on Saturday, hand over the rings, get your friends to the chapel on time (and sober) and let it go.

This is why the groom and bride need separate parties. Never partially surrender control of an event or you might as well cancel it on the spot.

Too bad this one is ruined. Go and suck it up. You might be the only one there but until they tell you somebody else is going to be best man you need to go. I suspect your usurpers will be telling everybody the party sucked because of you. That’s the way this works. They won’t accept that they killed the party.

Just because it’s a person’s wedding doesn’t let them break all the rules of etiquette. Once people are invited, they can’t be univited like this. That’s unacceptable.

I agree, that’s why I am considering just not even going. It was made very clear that I have nothing to do with this party and that I can’t bring my date, even though other people are. I may show up just because it’s expected, but I probably won’t stay more than a few minutes.

If you’re the bestman then I’d turn up, sit down and wait for earliest possible time to leave.

Don’t give them any reason to blame you for what sounds like is going to be a disaster.

The only way you should dip out of the party is if you’re also dipping out as best man. I would seriously consider it at this point.

I concur with RNATB. This would be the sort of thing where you need to get with Friend 1 NOW and get the low-down on what the hell is actually happening–he’s changing shit around on you and that’s not cool, especially in telling you to do the party and then taking it away without even saying so.

Frankly I’d want to bow out of being best man at this point, too.

Me too. I can’t think of a single friend who is both (a) close enough to ask me to be his best man, and (b) thoughtless enough to make me look like a chump the way your friend did.

If you go to the party, you should turn up blind drunk.

If they are asshat enough to tell you not to bring your date, any social conventions are off the board. Don’t go, man. Fuck em.

A few nights before the “bachelor party”, invite your friend out to a bar, just you and him. Then throw a hood over his head and drag him to a strip club.

When the bridezilla-to-be asks what the hell happened, thell her it wasn’t a bechelor party, it was just a dozen or so friends out on the town.

Then go to the “bachelor party”.

Moved from The BBQ Pit to Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share.

Pit Moderator

Well, here you go. You’re dealing with two couples who sound like they want very much to be in control of things. The party is friend 1’s call. It’s technically for him (even though it sounds like his fiance and friend 2’s girlfriend are really the ones in charge). If you value your friendship with friend 1, do what friend 1 wants, suck it up and go (for the minimum socially required time. It’s a bit late to bail on being best man now, unless you never want to talk to friend 1 and 2 again.

Of course, it’s very likely that you will not see much of friend 1 ever again, as his fiance sounds like she will control every aspect of his social life from now on. Perhaps you’ll run into him if you ever attend a quilting bee where everyone has herbal tea and shares their feelings.

You might think of planning in advance for the divorce party which will inevitably follow.

I hadn’t really planned to see Friend 1 much after the wedding. Friend 2 has been a pill for about 6 months now. I’ll still be the best man, but I’m not going to go to the party, especially after telling me that I can’t bring a girl.

Friend 1 is putting you in a terrible position; either you’re best man (with the privileges and responsibilities that entails) or you aren’t. Telling you you’re in charge of the bachelor party then pulling it all out from under you is extremely not cool - there are far too many cooks in this kitchen. Could you possibly sit down with the groom and tell him (in a very non-confrontational, non-whiney way) that you’re not comfortable being his best man, since he doesn’t seem to want you to do the job?

By the way, how old are all of you? This sounds like high school going’s on.

No it doesn’t. It sounds like typical pre-wedding stuff.

None of the wedding’s I’ve been involved in had this level of ridiculousness - your mileage may be varying (in which case you have my sympathy).

Me either, and I’ve been to dozens - but I’ve heard of plenty that have. I guess typical was a poor choice of words… I’m not saying this kinda crap is normal or acceptable, just that it happens all the time.

OK, call me old fashioned but since when do people bring dates to a bachelor party? Also, what the heck is the Fiance doing going to it? You could call it a wedding party but it certainly does not sound like a bachelor party.

Oops, looking at the OP on preview the couple (most likey her) decided they want it to be a mixed group party. Fine but you have stop calling it a bachelor party. Also you need to absolve yourself of all responsibility for it and run.

I’m not sure where that book came from because that sounds more like the description for a Maid of Honor to me. The Best Man should be as helpful as possible but is also there to boot the Groom upside the head if he starts acting like a Bridezilla.