I think you’re probably right about the lax attitude about sex in the gay community (from what I know of it). Also, we breeders have to deal with the whole “war between the sexes” thing and social programming about gender roles. It leads to a lot of extra suspicion about what the other person may be expecting to obtain from the relationship and whether we’re going to get ourselves into more than we bargained for.
On the other hand, I also know some very monogamous gay couples. No offense intended, but in your case sluttiness may have something to do with it.
Wait a second. Maybe that came out wrong. I’m not suggesting you wouldn’t be monogamous once you’re in a steady relationship. I meant that I know some gay people that pretty much only get involved in long-term stable relationships and eschew the kind of loose sexual/friendship relationships you described.
And there’s certainly nothing wrong with sluttiness. Up to about the age of 30 or so I myself didn’t even want to hear the words “steady, long-term relationship” spoken aloud. Those words made me bolt from many a woman when I was in my twenties. It was only when the first early signs of middle age starting appearing that my attitude began to change…
Appreciate the clarification. Can’t escape my history, and not ashamed of it. As I’ve said to friends before, “What would you rather do - get all horned up and go out to some bar and pick up a stranger you don’t know, don’t trust, might end up disliking, may regret later, and could catch something from; or get all horned up and call me, someone you know, trust, know loves you, know won’t treat you badly, know their health history, and will probably make you breakfast in the morning?”
Hear, hear. In the past, there always came that moment in a budding, promising relationship when I felt obliged to sit a new girlfriend down and let her know just how much I’ve been around. And I’m pleased to say that my sexual history hasn’t ever bit me in the ass. The girlfriends have always seen the upside of having an experienced boyfriend.
By the by, I’m currently in a great long-term relationship with my SO, and I don’t expect to ever give anyone “the talk” again, or need a “friend with benefits.” And given where I’m at in life, that’s exactly the way I want it to be.
By the way, I finally clicked on your “Gay Guy” links and looked around. Great stuff! You and the other gays and lesbians have my respect and congratulations for putting yourself on the line like that.
