Sorry, long and rambling and mostly just because I want to vent.
I have a friend, a co-worker (we are teachers at an English academy in Seoul) - we both started working here last year and became friends pretty quickly. We bonded over our mutual geekiness and love of inappropriate humor and craving for foods that are bad for us. For a while we were pretty much joined at the hip.
A bunch of stuff has happened in the past year. I started dating someone, also a co-worker, and my friend got tangled up in this whole thing with another co-worker who was at the time (and still is) dating ANOTHER co-worker (yes, we are all very incestuous). I ended up moving in with my new boyfriend last spring, while her thing all fell apart and turned into a disaster. She ended up being a bit socially stranded for a while - it’s a pretty small community over here. This all happened last winter/spring.
Anyway, she’s still not completely over the whole thing. Last weekend a bunch of us from work went bowling - she joined us later, but the minute she walked in the door she yelled at me for not warning her that HE was there. And then she just left. I was so startled and upset by her reaction (she basically reacted as if it were my fault) that I actually teared up after she yelled at me and then my friends wanted to know what was wrong. That was embarrassing. (She apologized about it afterwards.)
Then yesterday, we had a Christmas lunch at the academy for the instructors. She was sitting next to me and we were chatting for a bit, and then suddenly she burst out that we never see each other anymore and that we have nothing to talk about. I was a bit startled - it was a crowded room with people laughing and being silly so I wasn’t really in the mindset to have a serious conversation - but I tried to reassure her by rubbing her arm and telling her she was being silly, but then she left the room in tears. She came back later and we chatted a bit more, but I felt super awkward because we were sitting at a table with a bunch of other people and she was so obviously in an anti-social mood.
Then TODAY I get this email from her saying that she needs to clear the air with me, and why did I belittle her feelings by telling her she was “being silly” when all she was trying to do was tell me how she felt, and she doesn’t understand what I was thinking by cutting her off and she doesn’t appreciate me being dismissive of her when she has the right to feel whatever she wants.
I emailed her back and told her that I honestly didn’t mean it like that, but that I was at lunch expecting to have turkey and be silly and have fun and that I didn’t realize she was so upset over all of this.
She is a good friend. We have a lot in common and I can talk about things with her that I don’t even share with my boyfriend, but this is starting to stress me out. I’m not sure what she wants from me. It’s true that we haven’t been able to hang out a lot lately but it’s honestly no one’s fault - I was promoted to HQ and now work in a completely different building in a 9 to 6 job, while she’s still an instructor and works from 4-10 most days. My boyfriend and I barely see each other during the week, and the weekends we don’t spend together I usually have to go to visit my parents. Plus I never gauge my friendships by how often I see someone. I would say my closest friend in the world is the one living in England - we see each other once every few years if we’re lucky. So I can’t help feeling like this is a one-sided concern on her part.
Sigh. I don’t know how I should handle this. Maybe I should be making more of an effort, but nowadays I feel like I’m spread pretty thin as it is.