It never works. One person will always want something more.
I’ve never understood this whole concept. Everyone knows that sex is a really big deal, but some people sometimes pretend that it’s not. If you’re having sex with someone, how could that conceivably not constitute a relationship?
I find it funny that the experience of those who’ve had FWB is inverted from the opinions of those who haven’t. Or maybe it’s just a self-selecting group - those who have done it did it because they wanted to.
Does your user name refer to the fact that you’re stuck in time?
Um, people travel half way around the world for NSA sex. But that’s not relevant, since this is about FWB sex, which is a whole different beast (with two backs).
Only if I’m not getting any.
Besides, way to generalize your personal opinion to the entire population of the world. :rolleyes:
I think concerns about inequality of feelings are a little misleading… as if unmistakable relationships, marriages even, didn’t often have that.
This is the reason I’ve never had one and don’t have any interest in pursuing one. It might work if one can set some kind of a definite maximum length on it to avoid that happening, but it seems like it’s a lot of trouble and risk for minimal benefit. And, really, I just can’t see having sex just to satisfy the physical cravings. I know others can do it just fine, but it’s just way to intimate to me to possibly consider it just because of that urge.
Well, I went by train but yeah. Not sure why that is so strange to you. For one, I would and do travel as far and much further to meet friends without benefits, wouldn’t you? So why would adding sex make the long-ish trip eek-worthy?
Secondly, it’s not “just no-strings sex”. I’m picky. I like having sex with him. It’s not as if, just because it’s no-strings it doesn’t matter with who!
I guess the one post you missed was mine, wherein I explained that it worked for me and each of my partners.
I think it’s delusional to pretend there won’t be any strings, and most of the “FWB” situations I’ve seen really just consist of women being strung along by men.
I’m kind of surprised at how many people who have never tried it claim that it will be disastrous for everyone. If you’ve never tried it, how do you know? And also, why make the claim that it doesn’t work for the whole entire universe? If you know it won’t work for you, that’s fine… because it’s you’re in control of your own genitals and emotions, but to generalize it to everyone? I didn’t think people here would be so judgmental, or even ignore the anecdotes of people who said the arrangement worked for them.
Speaking of wanting more…
There are all kinds of relationships. For instance, since menopause, my Wife has lost interest in sex. While we do love each other, it puts me in a rather untenable position. It’s been way, way too long. She has things the way she wants, but I’m sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t blame her, she can’t control those feelings. And she will if I pursue and persist, but it’s just not fun when the other person is not enthusiastic.
I would have a FWB’s if an opportunity presented itself. I would however, discuss it with my Wife first, and I doubt she would object. In fact, I had some hope a few weeks ago, with a very long time friend of mine. And while we did share some intimacy, we talked later and she does not want our friendship to take that road. Pity, I think it would work for everyone. Friend and I could have what we are desiring, and I believe it would relieve my Wife of some of the guilt she feels.
I agree that their are almost certain to be strings. Good communication would be an absolute must.
I think what you’ve seen is probably what happens more than often, but let me tell you that it is also hard for women to find a man who is capable of just being friends. They say they want nothing more but they end up acting more like a boyfriend. I have experienced it as well as a few of my friends.
I’ve had FWBs a few times over the years and they were split 50/50 on being good or being bad. I found after my mid-30s, it was easier for me to have an FWB without a deeper commitment. Maybe one gets less needy as they age.
Bri2k
Again, NSA and FWB aren’t the same thing to many people.
I had two FWBs and they were both fantastic situations that were fairly similar.
The first situation was with a girl who had recently broken up with her cheating fiancée. We had no emotional attachment issues because outside of having similar interests in types of bars (as well as bedroom habits of course) we had very little in common. Our conversations were pleasant but nothing insightful or engrossing. That definitely helped keep our focus on the sex. We never went to dinner and we never went on a date (unless you count the bar or occasional party as a date). We did have breakfast together after most of our nights, but breakfast never led to emotional attachment.
The other was a girl that I had lived with before we started sleeping together. We were pleasant enough roommates but neither flirty nor best buddies when we lived together. We got along well but nothing really more outside of that. A few years after we moved out and a year or so after she had been single we had what looked like it was going to be a one night stand. It was fun enough that we just made it a recurring thing for several months before we both ended up dating other people. In this situation, we spent a lot of time grabbing food together or hanging out but it never progressed beyond that.
I don’t understand why necessarily sexual interest equals romantic interest. I was physically attracted to both of my FWBs but shared very little in common with either one on a romantic level.
I will admit that I have seen some awful FWB situations but I have also seen some awful relationships. If each person is honest with the other and there is a low chance of romantic interest blossoming, I do not see the big deal.
Had one. Voted “so-so.”
Benefits are obvious. Lack of a relationship means much less pressure. I found it much easier to get along with her than I would have had we been in an actual relationship. Emotional attachment to each other wasn’t much of an issue. She didn’t want a relationship with me and I didn’t want a relationship with her. Her meeting her fiancee is why we ultimately broke it off.
The biggest issue we had was there was a bit of asymmetry, not in terms of attachment, but as to how either of us viewed the “relationship.” She seemed to look at it as little more than one would look at a quick wank before bed. It felt it still had at least some significance even though we didn’t really want a relationship together. With that and her dating other people occasionally I did feel a bit like the guy of last resort.
So it wasn’t bad, but far from ideal. I’ve been offered a similar arrangement by another friend but I very highly suspect she wants much more than she’s saying, so I’ve repeatedly turned her down. Wouldn’t mind trying it again with the right partner though.
I had a FWB.
We fell in love and now I have a significant other.
Yay!