From Stuck to Happy?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

In my time here on the boards, I’ve been very vocal about my struggles with mental problems. A little over a year ago, I finally found relief (for the real first time in 13 years) in the form of the right medication and out-patient daily therapy. The result is I’ve pretty much been “well” since then, even to the point that I hold down a part-time job. So that said, life has been treating me well.

But I can tell I’m at a crossroads. I still sleep too much and don’t get out of the house nearly like I should. I’d like to do more things, like volunteer and take an exercise class, but thus far, I’m still battling enough old bad habits that I can’t seem to make the switch. So I’d like to turn to my fellow Dopers who’ve already helped me through so much, to possibly give me ideas on how to get out of the dumps and into a healthier lifestyle. Any thoughts?

2

Just get out & walk around the block about 30 min when you have good weather.
That would get you out & about, with decent exercise & slight social interaction.

3

Exercise is the key. Nothing will help you forget mental trouble like being tired. That said, go to your library and get books on tape. This is great. All those books you wanted to read but never got around to. Well a lot are on tape or CD now and they’re free from your library.

Go to the Archive (dot) Org and download OTR. Old Time Radio. You can laugh with Gracie Allen and George Burns (and you WILL laugh) or Jack Benny. Listen to the drama or the country folk “Lum and Abner” or hear old time mysery shows and detective novel acted out on stage.

And they’re public domain so it’s free. You can find old newscasts of WWII and listen to history AS it was happening.

Then you get these tapes and walk. Listen to them in the park, on your daily walks, wherever you go. You will get lost in them and you can get out of the house more easy, 'cause you won’t be so nervous about leaving.

First book on tape to get “How To Stop Worrying and Start Living” by Dale Carnagie. It’s an old one but still valid.

And get Gracie Allen’s take on it. She reads the chapter about recongizing the worst in life, and decides to fire people so they won’t have to worry about “the worst,” because it’s already happened. Truly funny stuff.

And there are even lectures at the Archive (dot) Org by famous university professors on things like String Theory and Prions.

The thing is goals are measured in steps not leaps and YOU WILL find yourself going back sometimes. But so what? Everyone does. Don’t let the setbacks convince you it can’t be done.

Remember just because nothing good happened to you today doesn’t mean it can’t happen tommorow.

Also check out veterans groups for volunteer work. Nothing like seeing a bunch of young kids from Iraq that are now paralyzed to make you realize you got nothing to feel bad about.

It’s summer it’s a great time to get out in the world. Remember this is it. 50 years from now we’re all gonna be dead and no one’s gonna remember we ever existed much less the problems anyone on this board has today. So you can’t let the gloom overwhelm you.

Life isn’t what you make it, you take what life gives you and make the best out of it. Sometimes you can’t make much, if anything. But that’s OK, but even if you can’t make anything from it is no excuse not to at least try.

Good luck.

4

I think it can be daunting to get out to volunteer unless you know what you want to do and where. Look up nonprofits in your area and see what there is out there. United Way may have a website in your area where they list places that would like volunteers. Volunteermatch.com may have something in your area, too. If you find a place that seems interesting to you, you’ll have more motivation to go there.

5

Keeping a journal changed my life.

In it, I write out all those nagging repetitive thoughts that bother me- stuff like “I have no true friends,” “I’m wasting my life,” and “he’s such a bastard I’m gonna tell him blah blah blah.” Simply writing these thoughts down is enough to turn off that self-feeding internal monologue. And I can address any rants I have at the journal instead of to a third party, which keeps things a bit cooler and more rational than if I was just ranting in my head about someone.

Often I’ll do a CBT style refutation of these thoughts- writing down what fallacies are present in the statements and demonstrating how they are not true and are not useful thoughts. That is usually enough to make those thoughts never come back. Sometimes you just have stuff you gotta work through in a systematic way.

I also write down three things each day that went well, and a weekly list of things I am grateful for. I couldn’t tell you how it works- perhaps it’s just re-envisioning my day in the best possible light- but it works like magic. It shifts my whole perspective.

Finally, I’m a fan of writing predictions about how much I’ll enjoy an activity. For example, if I am dreading going out to dinner with co-workers, I’ll write down how much I think I’ll enjoy it. Then at the end of the night I’ll review that. To my surprise, I often enjoy a lot of the activities I thought I’d hate. It’s given me a better idea of what things actually make me happy and more motivation to get out and about even when I don’t really feel like it.

Give it a shot. For the first few weeks I couldn’t live without my journal. It was like a drug. After a month I was feeling great and got comfortable making it a short but essential part of my nightly ritual.

6

Glad things are looking up for you, faithfool!

I can’t think of anything to add, except maybe to accept invitations, even for events that everyone is invited to – community picnics, grand openings, civic celebrations, etc.

Something that gets me out of the house (even if it’s only once or twice a year) is working at the polls for elections. Contact your county auditor (or whoever’s in charge of voting) and see if help is needed in your precinct. It’s a fun way to meet people.

7

If you’re interested in the Theatre I can help set you up with local groups. There are lots of volunteer opportunities, from light duty stuff like base painting with rollers to more involved stuff like costuming, makeup, or performing. I know the contact people for several groups not far from you.

Or if you’re willing to drive a bit, and are interested in working some on scenery and seeing how it goes, I’m putting up a show over the next few weeks in Irving, at the Irving Arts Center. You’d be welcome to join us.

Enjoy,
Steven

8

FriarTed: I keep telling myself just to do small doses like what you suggest, but I haven’t been able to completely overcome my agoraphobia whenever I get back in the house. However, I can see that I’m just going to have to buck up and do it. Thanks for the reminder that little steps will get me there.

Markxxx: Those are wonderful suggestions. And maybe if I do get me some books on tape, that’ll make getting out and walking that much easier. Such a simple solution, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before. Thank you!

needscoffee: I’ve already done a bit of volunteering, so I’m not completely daunted by the task. Unfortunately, the gig I used to have dried up, so it’s just a matter of starting over by finding something new. I thought I’d lined “it” up, but since it’s working at an animal shelter, I’m just not certain I can deal with unadoptive pets. We’ll see and in the interim I’ll give Volunteermatch.com a look-see. Perhaps something else would be better suited to me.

even sven: Oh man, my therapist recommended a journal and I kept up with it for about 4 months. It was a complete and utter failure, but after reading your thoughts on how to do it, I can see why. I was simply using mine as a recitation of the days events and instead, what you’ve envisioned seems like a godsend. I’m going to print out your post and start again. Here’s hoping I have better luck this time.

AuntiePam: Thank you. It’s a nice change of pace to be ‘normal’ again. :slight_smile: As to your ideas, I think those are wonderful. I have started doing more regular type stuff to get me out of the house, but maybe a specific cause (like working the polls) would be an even better thing. I’ll give it a whirl.

Mtgman: Wow, great minds think alike. I’ve already got my name on the list here in The Colony to help with their next show. And although I wouldn’t mind whatsoever driving to Irving usually, being behind the wheel is still going slow for me. But I do thank you for the invite and hope that I can take a raincheck on when I’m feeling a tad more confident in my abilities. Until then, I’ll call back in and remind them I’m out here waiting to be used. Heh.

Thanks everyone so much for all your generous responses. You guys are great and I now feel a bit more prepared to tackle a life change. Keep more replies coming though. I need as much help as I can get.

9

I’m glad your doing better. I am not the best person to ask how not to procrastinate. I guess I make myself face things I’m afraid of. Most of my fears are of the ungrounded and unfounded variety. Like today I went and bought some more plants because I want to make a Monet garden in my front yard. I have a fear it won’t come out well even though I garden all the time. So by spending the money on the plants I will be forced to plant them. Baby steps have gotten me out of a lot of old fears.

And really it’s my garden and the only person who needs to like it is me! I also enjoy volunteering and had to cut back on it because of work but I like being of service to others. I learned that when your helping someone else you can’t think about yourself.

On housework or things I need to get done I use a kitchen timer and I clean for 15 minutes. When the timer goes off I usually am into it enough I finish it. It’s a game but hey if it works!

Good Luck and keep trudging!

10

If you don’t hear back from them in a week or so, go ahead and call them again. If this is the company I’m familiar with, Lakeside Community Theatre, the work for their next production should start up pretty soon. The average community theatre takes five to six weeks to audition, rehearse, and build its show, so if it opens on August 6th, as their next show does IIRC, it should be auditioning any minute now, and set construction, costume selection, etc will start pretty much as soon as the casting is complete. They may also be looking for additional hands for their kids camps in late July and early August. Working with the kids can be a lot of fun and very rewarding as you see them discover the arts.

Enjoy,
Steven

11

faithfool - Make a volunteer commitment to an organization. You can make and break promises to yourself all day long, but when you make a promise to a third party, you’re more likely to drag yourself to it, even if (at first) you don’t want to go.

Most times you won’t really want to go. It’s so much easier sitting at your computer at home. So you drag yourself out, grumbling all the way. And you get there, and it’s not so bad. Suddenly you’re having a reasonably good time, enjoying some cameraderie with your fellow volunteers. Then you go home. The next day, it’s still hard to get out of your jammies, but not *as *hard. Until, little by little, you feel bored when you’re just sitting around at home.

Good luck.

StG

12

Perciful: Thanks for the advice. I also do the 15 minute thing and that sure helps a lot. I only wish I could garden. Ya see, I have black thumbs (I even kill plastic plants), so that’s out of the question for me, but the rest was lovely.

Mtgman: I’ll be talking to one of the members tomorrow and I’ll see what I can do to get involved with the camps. Definitely sounds like something right up my alley.

StGermain: You are so right. I know it’ll be that way once I start volunteering, but making a committment will be exactly the push I need to get over my trepidation. Thank you.

Thanks again everyone! Your help has been invaluable to me.

13

I have a friend, unemployed, who walked every day past a little county museum, stopped in, and became a volunteer. She got out of the house, was doing something useful, and had an enjoyable time. And don’t forget the SPCA and Humane Association, volunteers do a LOT more than just clean out the cages.