Would you really feel totally comfortable with with a stranger in your house three nights a week? One that doesn’t take an interest in you, that you have nothing in common with?
I also want to second the comment about pitching in for food. If you are 18, you may not really appreciate how a food budget can blossom when there is another hungry mouth to feed. You’re costing her real money each week, and she can’t really say anything, because how tacky would that be? One of the best things you could do is bring groceries out on Friday night, enough to cook one dinner for the family, one breakfast or lunch, and some snacks. The providing plus the cooking would show a real understanding on your part.
I know, right? The weekends are my time to relax and unwind. If I had to deal with anyone extra, even a relative or friend, staying over at my house every goddamned weekend, I would explode.
I was going to say that but then I thought I probably sound antisocial enough as it is. But yeah. I wouldn’t want my favorite person in the world (2pac) at my house all weekend every weekend. By Sunday morning I’d be like, “Well, I have to wash my hair or something so you should probably be getting on”.
And then imagine having to put up with a guest who is boning your teenaged daughter in the next room over from you.
The OP totally doesn’t get how this whole setup comes across, which makes me think he has some entitlement issues. He’s the daughter’s boyfriend, and thus, in his mind, he has a right to see her even if it means imposing on her family’s space, bumming rides off of them shamelessly, squicking out the whole household by carrying on sexual relations practically right under everyone’s nose, and consuming their utilities.
The daughter second guesses herself and lacks confidence? Sounds like she inherited this from her mother. That is the only explanation for why mom has allowed the OP to overstep his boundaries like he has. This might also explain why her son is so dysfunctional.
Then imagine mom, suspicious about her freeloader, asks around about her daughter’s friend. And stumbles upon details of his prior conquests (an under-aged "slow"girl?). This is getting JerrySpringerish.
I love my kid and I’m a pretty indulgent parent. I have no problem with him having spendovers. Granted, he’s 6, so I don’t have to worry about any boning going on.
But the same kid on my couch every weekend, and I have to drive him around and I can’t use the TV because they’re playing Lego Batman non freaking stop? Yeah, you need to find alternate arrangements.
That’s the vibe I’m getting. Heck, it seems as though the brother has an issue with his sister permitting/enabling/whatever a particular situation. If he had an issue with the OP, then my guess is he’d’ve griped to the OP.
I do agree he should be chipping in for food and gas. If he’s not, that’s getting a bit rude after a while.
As far as having a stranger in the house, if my daughter were 18, and in this same situation, and had the same boyfriend she does now, I would have no big problem. Her boyfriend’s a nice guy, smart, and treats her well.
Well, yes. I actually do expect a 19-year old university student to be able to make some kind of contribution to putting food on the table. After all, if he weren’t [del]mooching[/del] dining about half the week at his gal pal’s place, he’d have to get that food from somewhere. Traditionally, that’s meant doing things such as paying for the food one consumes. All around the world, university students manage to study, work, pay for food, and even conduct a romance all at the same time.
You know what? I think my daughter’s boyfriend is great and I expect they’ll get married. I still don’t want him in my living room from Friday night to Monday morning every week. I wouldn’t want my own best friend around for that amount of time. I won’t want my own kids around that much once they move out. It’s got nothing to do with whether I like the person or not- it’s got to do with the fact that the person is not actually a part of the household. It seems that the OP is literally in the house for all that time. It might be different if they were out most of the day and evening and the OP simply slept over , but it appears that the woman has no privacy in her own home. There are any number of things I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing with my daughter’s boyfriend (or any other guest) here- everything from dying my hair to arguing with my son about the state of his bedroom. Or as my sister-in-law puts it " I ought to be able to walk around in my underwear in my own home"
He wants to see his girlfriend every weekend- I’m sure her mother would prefer giving her a ride to the nearest town with a bus on Saturday morning to having him at her place all.weekend.every.weekend. I wonder why that’s such an impossible solution- perhaps the people supporting him the rest of the week don’t want her there all weekend?
And nobody expects a 19 year old college student to fully support himself - but his girlfriend’s mother has no obligation to support him for half the week and it’s rude of him to feel so entitled that he feels comfortable calling her son “Mr. Drives Up The Electric Bill”. It’s not an occasional visit, and it’s not as if the girlfriend spends an equal amount of time at his place which might make up for it
I liked you better when I thought you were a troll, but it’s increasingly clear that you’re just embarrassingly stupid. It’s not the greatest disappointment I’ve faced, but it is one of them.
First off, I wasn’t addressing you. And secondly, John Mace’s post seemed to indicate he thinks that the OP should be completely self-supporting, which is so Dr.-Phil-out-of-place-and-run-amok that I don’t even know what to do except LAUGH.
But yes, i agree that he needs to chip in on the gas and food. It’s only polite, at this point.
However, none of you are recognizing the most OBVIOUS point of ALL…
The Mom can at least keep her eyeballs on the situation. she is literally there at every moment of the relationship.
If the kids were out of the house, they could be getting into drugs, hanging around dangerous people, being in dangerous places. etc.. As a parent, I’d rather be my kid’s confidante and be very involved in her life, so that if some really bad shit is about to happen, I can catch it before it gets to be too big a problem.
That sounds really healthy!
That’s why I stay up all night every night and watch my kid sleep. Just making sure some crazy shit doesn’t happen. Safety first.