Fuck you, in-laws, and take your religious bullshit with you......

The BBQ Pit
161

I can’t hate someone I don’t know, and I don’t know his grandparents. I’ve met them one time. Love and hate don’t play into the relationship I have with his family, and they don’t play into it for him either, unfortunately. He has always wished that his family was closer and more relaxed about things.

Luckily we have my family, who have taken my husband and his two kids and made them a part of our family whether they like it or not. He has said it’s the first time in his life he really feels like an accepted part of a real family and that he’s grateful for it. We aren’t perfect, and we also realize that others aren’t perfect either. It makes for a live and let live kind of vibe around our dinner table. It’s quite lovely, and my husband and kids have all been very happy to be a part of our Sunday dinners, birthday parties, and holiday celebrations.

We go to his family’s dinners when we are invited, but they only do Thanksgiving and Xmas and generally plan theirs right at the same time my mom has her dinners. It’s a silly thing because my mom has done her holiday meals on the same days and times for the last 20 years. It’s practically set in stone. We even said we could possibly change something around, but it seems easier for them to do it seeing as how they never pick a date for their dinners until the week of the event.

I like to plan ahead, so we stick with my mom’s dinners and attend his family dinner if we can manage it. Some years they don’t celebrate at all on Thanksgiving, but Xmas is always made a big deal of. The first year I went over there for Xmas I was shocked at the amount of presents and such they had. And, with 30 or so people in the room, each person had to open his or her present individually and they did them all one at a time. It took about three hours to get through all the present opening. And despite this huge amount of time, they had practically no food there for the guests to eat. It was tres bizzare.

Last year we asked that no presents be given to my husband and I, and that they could get the kids two or three presents each at most. We are trying to downsize Xmas for our kids because we just don’t think it’s necessary to buy a ton of crap for someone to show your love. You either show it or you don’t, but hundreds of dollars of presents isn’t love in my opinion. In fact, it’s always kind of sad sitting there watching this family of strangers exchange symbols of love to people they see only once or twice a year.

IMO, the real gift of the holidays is that time together with family, not opening gifts. But, that is different for everyone and obviouslyl we are in the minority with the way we do it.

But I have gotten waaay off topic. I think this horse has been beaten long enough. Should a MOD see fit to close the thread, this might be a good quitting point.

162

Thanks for sharing your story. I’ve been through similar things myself. My ex didn’t like going to her parents for Christmas because she always felt a judged somehow, but we were expected to honor the family tradition. Evidently she had betrayed the family by leaving an unhappy marriage. One year I told her ,if she really didn’t enjoy going then maybe she should just say “No thanks I 've made other plans this year” I mean you’re over 30 years old. That should be okay right? It wasn’t. Her Mom was royally pissed and refused to give her her gifts or open the gifts we had for them. What childish bullshit. I won’t tolerate that crap from anyone and I don’t see why family should be excused for bad behavior just because they’re family. Forgiven yes, but overlooked and tolerated, no.

I was always chagrined to see my in laws {really sweet folks} buy the kids so many gifts just because they thought that was an important part of Christmas, that a month later 1/2 the stuff was broken or forgotten.

Anyway, thanks again.

163

And your drawing attention to that post is a boon. Its words are flat fragrant hot like Listerine poured on my soul.

164

There are those who say it is good karma to prevent other people from hurting their karma by hurting you.

165

what? Huh? …Oooooooohhhhhhhh

166

So just what am I supposed to do about those fuckin’ hyacinths, then?

167

make sure they use protection.

168

Lol, his dad* just * called us to invite us to Easter dinner TOMORROW at 1:00. Who does that? One day of notice? Sigh.
You guessed it, my mom does her dinner at 1:00, same as the last 20 years. I won’t lose any sleep over missing it. Actually, that they do that makes me feel relieved that I won’t be expected to go over there. Plus at my mom’s I won’t be forced to pray or hear about OUR LORD for an hour.

Lol, we’ll most likely pig out, possibly have a family fight, tell some raunchy jokes in front of grandma, you know, typical Sunday dinner stuff. haha.

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People who don’t really want their guest to be able to come?

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Indy grrrl also said:

I didn’t pronounce judgement, it is simple discernment. Her intention wasn’t to do a good deed, her intention was to stick it to her in-laws. I don’t need to venture into judging her, she makes it quite clear why she did this.

Bad things come of anger, hate, and revenge. That is a universal law and I haven’t judged her in anyway, only warned that they both might expect a Kharmic hit. I quite clearly haven’t condemned her, from my sparse statements, and it’s interesting and quite a load of bullshit that you read that from it.

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I get the same kind of unwelcome solitations from religious charities, and while it is annoying, I take solace in thinking they’re wasting their money sending stuff to me. I know it’s not much, but every fraction of a cent less they have to push their agenda makes the world a little better off.

On the other hand, it also annoys me that I get so many solicitations in the mail from Planned Parenthood. I give to them when I can, but their overzealous asking doesn’t get them any more, and so the money could be better used. I’ve asked them to just use email, and that seems to have helped some, but doesn’t eliminate the mailings.

172

I have to disagree. Not about the wildflowers, they’re only doing what they have to do. But if we don’t object to lying from our politicians, if we accept it just because we expect it, we sink to their level and only encourage them to continue lying. If we all insisted on honesty from our politicians, and acted on that by voting out the dishonest ones, the system would eventually change.

To cooperate with someone doesn’t mean to acceed to them in everything. It means to encourage their right behavior, and discourage or punish them when they do wrong. You tell your kids when they’re being jerks in order to help them become better people, right?

Personally, I think the OP did good.

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Sure she did but aggressively does not have to imply what you read into it and then presented as obvious fact. Is that the best you’ve got? Her aggressive behavior might easily be called assertive, which is just as I said, claiming one’s space with a straightforward no pretense, no apology, kind of attitude. Not everyone chooses that but it’s not negative, and it’s not hateful {your word}

Sorry, your semantics don’t change the facts. You judged because in both your posts you inserted feelings and intentions for her that she didn’t mention. Her intention was in what I quoted before. To make her feelings clear to them.

Ahh but you didn’t say might ** before did you? You didn’t say If you did it for X reasons you might ** expect a karmic hit. You placed your own judgment of what her intentions were and declared them as fact and said they would both take the hit. No might about it. Furthermore you declared her motives to be hate in your other post which she has now clearly said was not the case. That’s judgment pal, with no semantic escape.

It’s obvious you don’t like being called on this but I think it’s clear to everyone that you did judge. Your semantic games won’t change that. It’s no big deal. Like I said, I just noticed the irony. We all make judgment calls and we’re not always correct. No exemptions. It’s just part of being human. If that disturbs you then you need a reality check.

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Anger is hate is revenge. Need I say more?

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That’s stupid. I’ve been angry at plenty of people I don’t hate. If I get mad at my husband does that mean I hate him? Really, you are so dramatic.

Anger lead to harmless retaliation, there is no hate involved, I can assure you.

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Love is compassion is understanding. Need I say more?

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I don’t love them or hate them, my heart doesn’t have a feeling about them one way or the other. They are just people to me, not family, not friends, nothing, need I say more?

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@Indy I creased myself laughing, a really amusing response to what (to me) is obviously a rather nasty swipe from his grandparents.

Dead neat the way you turned the thing round rather than let it ruin your evening.

If you start getting whacko charity mail (and I reckon you will) then sign the grandparents up for sex aid catalogues. Preferably ones that don’t come in plain brown envelopes.

Your husband is fortunate that he has been adopted by a rational family.

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No please don’t.

Perhaps you’ve noticed occasionally that we live in a less than ideal world. People get angry. The question is what do we do with that anger. Suppress it, Deny it. {As you are denying your own judgment} blow it out of proportion into something destructive, or do we face it deal with it and let it go? **Indy **dealt with it openly and honestly and in my opinion non hateful way.

You blathering this idealistic pablum doesn’t change your judgment of her or your continuing denial.

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This is utterly silly. It is quite possible—nay, common—to be angry at people and/or the things they do, without hating them.