Hmmm… perhaps she could get some advise on the best way to deal with the junk mail by asking her friends:
“I’ve been getting a lot of screwball right-wing-religious solicitations lately for some reason. What’s the best way to stuff postage-paid envelopes so as to cause the maximum inconvenience for the senders?”
Of course, in the spirit of friendly relations with the grand’rents, they should certainly be bcc:d in on the inquiry…
That wouldn’t apply in my case, now that I have (thanks, Indygrrl!) an appropriate response strategery if some dick makes a donation in my name to the Klan or the Brady Campaign or Fred Phelps or some other such objectionable cause. I would make my own counter-donation, and walk away with a song in my heart and a spring in my step.
They knew how she felt and continued to act against her wishes. It’s a hostile act. They get no slack because they’re old & muddled.
you’re kidding, right? You even say “even if they’re old and muddled”? which would include “they don’t remember shit”? (Not that I’m claiming so).
My grandmother used to bake a homemade chocolate cake every year for my birthday. I don’t like chocolate, never have. You know what? it wasn’t hostile. She’d bake a cake and think “oh, yea, everyone loves chocolate”.
never attribute to malice what can easily be attributed to stupidity/thoughtlessness etc.
Have you ever considered posting something that isn’t incoherent?
In the arena of assuming people usually give gifts they’d like for themselves, I know of a few who will ask for a ‘wish list’ and then proceed to buy anything but what’s on it. If inquired as to why by an uninterested third party, they’d say something along the lines of “Well hell, I bought them what I wanted them to have. It’s my own damn money.” To which the reply came; “Then why’d you ask for a list?!” and the end of the conversation would be a shocker… “Because I wanted to know first if there was anything I approved of that’d coincide.” [All paraphrasing, of course.]
Also, what is one person’s experience doesn’t necessarily mimic others’. People don’t always send gift donations in groups. Older folks aren’t necessarily good-intentioned and only do things out of honest error and we don’t have to be talking hugely bad things either, sometimes a gradual wearing down of what you hold dear to make whatever statement, is more than enough to qualify as Not A Nice Thing. Finally, some won’t pass up an opportunity to twist the knife (however small a turn) no matter how trivial the occasion. For example, I doubt someone like Manson (if he had any children and only chosen for over-the-top exaggerated effect) would skip the chance to torment his offspring with even a simple Get Well card. How could it be construed as anything but good? Well…
They sent the card to be passive aggressive, which, IMO, is worse than being outrightly spiteful. It’s behavior they exhibit quite often and have done so historically throughout my husband’s life. He had battles with them over this issue when he was a young man, and then again when he married his first wife outside of the church. He’s told them time and again he is NOT Catholic and is against what they believe in. That’s a huge part of why he doesn’t have a relationship with them.
The birthday card was from his parents. I threw it away and sent his mom an email thanking her for remembering my bday. Yes, I resented the religious bullshit, but I wasn’t going to be impolite just because they are. Btw, she couldn’t even be assed to reply to my email even though I wrote a few things at length, asked how she was doing, etc. She’s a royal bitch too. It’s a common trait in his family. They just aren’t close and they are very inconsiderate towards one another.
And the “so what if it had some psalms on it” schtick is tiring. We made it very clear to them around the time of our wedding that I am also not religious in any way. I tried to gently explain that to them before they came to our entirely secular ceremony. They know this, yet sent me an over-the-top, oversized card with around 10 psalms on it. I don’t even know where you find such a large card. It wasn’t like it just said, “God bless,” on it. That I can live with. It was overwhelmingly religious and then they even wrote some crap on there by hand that had God this and pray that and blah blah blah. I did laugh it off and throw it into the recycling because it was so wildly inappropriate and shows how little they know me after four years of being with their son.
It was a roll of the eyes and a toss in the can, my blood pressure wasn’t raised, I didn’t cry about it, I didn’t call them and yell. Basically, I thanked them and went on with my life. I absolutely did not get bent out of shape about it.
The donation to the Catholic organization is a different animal. The card was imprinted with the logo and name “Trinity Missionary Priests and Brothers.” And besides the donation in our name it said that we and “our intentions will be remembered by Trinity Missionaries in their Masses and Prayers on Easter Sunday and during the Easter Ocatve.”
I don’t know how else to interpret that but to assume they have our name and info.
I didn’t give the pro-choice organization anything but his grandparents’ names. The only contact info given to them was mine because I’m the one who donated the money on my credit card. The only information they could possibly re-contact them with is their email address, which went on the e-card. There was no other info given, so stop acting as if I set them up to receive all kinds of propaganda.
If nothing else, this thread has inspired me to print some professional-looking cards reading “A generous contribution has been made in your name to NAMBLA” and send them to people I don’t like.
So, thanks!
And I think it’s healthy to make that donation. Hell, I’d actually see the money sent to the National Association For Fucked-Up Shit as a GOOD thing if it got you thinking about other people who really did need the money and giving it to them instead.
I’m just on a turn the other cheek kick this week, I think. The next time someone calls my business and tells me I’m a stupid incompetent whore I might say “You know what? Screw them and nail a cat to their door”. 
Just… yeah. Anger leads to hate leads to road rage leads to LA, and you don’t want to be in LA.
Yum yum moo moo!
A. giving them their email address is giving them contact info.
B. The card - did the grandparents address it? if so, it seems obvious they’ve not given your contact info.
But look - why should you care if I thought you behaved in a petty manner over very little? You got a lot of ‘you go grl’ from this thread. I disagree. we can leave it at that.
I am not sure I agree with you Wring that “awful lot” of folks are not aware of their actions and their impact. I do admit, that every once and a while, someone accidentally steps into a big dog pile of controversy because they made an innocent gesture that was misinterpreted.
In general though, when referring to interpersonal relations only (not someone making a BIG decision that will effect many and failed to take into acocunt all the impact), people know EXACTLY what they are doing. They may deny it later, but they are either very insensitive (willfully ignorant) or outright mean-spirited.
Yes, Indy was mean-spirited in her gesture. She sent the message with the intent of making people feel bad. She was open and honest about her issue with us here. On the other hand, she did play the “passive-aggressive” game with them by casually saying “Oh, I wanted to reward your generosity by doing this”, knowing “this” would piss them off (not her exact words, but I think this is the main point- please correct me if I am wrong).
If she wanted to be in your face, she would have said:
“I see you are continuing your passive-aggressive games and trying to convert me, or associate me, with your religion. I am not buying it and I do not appreciate it. Therefore, I have made a donation to a Pro-Choice organization that is in your name. I know this is against your beliefs and I relish that thought, knowing that your cowardly and annoying tactics have resulted in support for something you find immoral, yet I find acceptable. Nonetheless, it is important to note that I sent them $1.00 MORE than you donated in my name. This means, every time you play these passive aggressive games, those who support causes you find immoral will receive MORE money. WHOA… you really fucked up there huh?”
In the end, I understand Indy’s reaction because she fought fire with fire. You may criticize her methods but at least she stood up for what she thought was right.
The problem I’m having with this thread is the people who seem to be bent on willfully ignoring the idea that Indy knows the intention behind the grandparents-in-law’s actions. If she says the intent was to dig at her, I will take her word for it. When you’re in a situation, you know damned well what other people mean by what they say and do. You give people the benefit of the doubt once, twice, but an ongoing situation, you know what they are all about.
I concur.
Ditto.
I don’t disagree, I just think it’s about as effective to get het up about it as it is to violently oppose wildflowers in springtime or lying in politicians.
Thats a very cool story and I think you handled the situation with generosity that goes above and beyond. Kudos.
For starters when you say
that’s nothing but your judgment of others.
actually what she said in the OP was
So yes she’s angry but her goal is to make herself clear to them. Not hate, and not necessarily revenge, but making a point to them so they might see by example what they are doing. She chose to give to a charity in the same manner they had. Sounds like Karmic balance to me but then again I’m not the one that judges that. BTW neither are you.
Since you feel free to attribute hate when it wasn’t mentioned in the OP I’'d say you’re judging again. It’s okay for you to read it that way if that’s how you see it. I just found it ironic that you would declare bad karma for her by passing judgment.
Of course not. I’ve been reading Indygrrl’s posts. Doesn’t sound anything like good intentions to me.
Just some anecdotal info, but I’ve gotten such cards from my Catholic grandmother for my birthday for years, and have never gotten anything from the “Priests and Brothers” who are supposedly praying for me.
That doesn’t make it any less annoying to get them. Oooh, I’m a SINNER. Ooooh I need prayers said for my SOUL.
This, from grandma still thinks I’m a Lutheran.