Fucking old people (not literally)

The BBQ Pit
1

The local playing field has a playground on it, which is unlit completely. There is also a rear carpark (lit with streetlights) and a front area, which the local council has deemed to be unsuitable for parking (the main reason being that children have very easy access there, and it is also the entrance to the hall so in the event of a fire, the fire engines can get around.)

Thursday night (surprisingly) is Thursday Club, where all the local pensioners go to have talks on whatever it is old people like (there can’t be that much to say about sweets and knitting).

There’s a group of us - maybe 6 or 7 - aged 14-16-ish playing on the front playground, there’s a couple of skateboard ramps up that we made. Its dark, so we’re on the front playground as it is both lit and supposedly free of cars.

Anyways, the old people arrive for the Thursday Club. How difficult is it to work out that the big fucking sign saying “No Parking” means pretty much what it says, and that the other sign saying “Car park to rear” means there is a carpark round the back? I think it is safe to say that you DO NOT park there. No excuses, the rear carpark offers as easy pedestrian access to the hall.

Thank you for ruining our nights skateboarding. Thank you very fucking much you blur rinsed, fist shaking bitch.

And if that wasn’t enough, after they had all gone inside, and we are stood around talking, the stupid cow comes back out with a bit of paper and a pen asking for our names and addresses so that if we damage their cars they can call the cops.
If you thought about it, you’d realise that:

  1. We will fucking lie to you
  2. Not damage your cars anyway.
  3. You expect us to damage the cars and confess to it
  4. Other people do vandalism than 16 year old skaters

Needless to say, we laughed in her face and went home. :frowning:

2

I would to have asked her what the pen and paper where for. Whne she replied that it was to take down your names, you could have said “Write down our names? Its pretty fucking obvious to me that you cant read!” “See the Goddamn sign that says NO PARKING?” “How the Hell are you going to write then, you stupid bitch.” Then you pummel her with the sign until she understands that NO PARKING means NO (including stupid people) PARKING.

3

Wow, reminds me of an incident that happened outside my house a few years ago.

When I was little, I always went out on my bike through the side door of the backyard fence. One day when I came back to my house, I found the side door locked by my paranoid mom (“Oh, the robbers will come in and steal our van” she says. :rolleyes: ) Fortuately, the lock on the hinge wasn’t closed and I could slip it off. While I was trying to find the lock, I hear a loud car honk followed by a shout of “HEY YOU!!!” I look to the street and I see this old couple in their car, in the middle of the street, screaming at me. They yelled “Get out of there or I’ll call the police on you!” I yelled back, “This is MY house!”. The couple gave me that death stare while pretending not to be embarrassed, then sped off.

4

When I was about 16 years old, my boyfriend at the time and I went shopping at the local mall. I was in a relatively upscale store, and I picked up a pair of denim shorts close to the entrance. As I wandered back to the back of the store, taking my sweet time while browsing the other clothes, an old lady came up to me. She was one of those old ladies who was desperatly trying to cling onto those last slim vestiges of long-forgotten youth–evidence of several facelifts, poofy hair that was nearly destroyed by at least 20 years of peroxide, the unavoidable feathering of lipstick around her mouth, blue eyeshadow, teenaged dress–the whole nine yards. All of it lent to her a pinched, drawn, tired, OLD look. As I fingered a blouse to examine the feel of the fabric, she sauntered up to me, pointed at my shorts, and said “Are you going to BUY those?”

I looked at her, aghast, and said something like “Well, up until you SAID that, I might have. I hope you don’t work on commission.” Then I plonked the shorts down on a rack right in front of me and my boyfriend and I stalked out.

There’s a certain brand of people who think that all teenagers are automatically up to no good. I can’t imagine having that dim of a worldview. If you’re of a mind that all kids are hoodlums, what does that say about the future? These “hoodlums” will be the doctors, lawyers, and Presidents of tomorrow. Give them the benefit of the fucking doubt.

5

These are probably the same people who complain that their kids and grandkids never talk to them. Gee, I wonder why?
:rolleyes:

6

Why would you lie to her about your identities? Sure, she is being ignorant and inconsiderate, but lying makes you look like you are rabble-rousing degenerates. Personally, I would have pointed out the sign, and asked her name so I could report her to the police for parking illegally.

7

The main problems with old people are:
1)They smell funny (especially after they’ve been stuck in the ground for awhile)
2) Their teeth fall out
3) They drive gargantuan cars and they can’t see worth a shit.

But, we’re all gonna be that way some day so don’t sweat it. Hell, when I’m 80 I’m sure as shit going to hassle every punk teen-ager I see (assuming I still can see) because I know how much of an asshole I was back then! Ya gotta keep an eye on those little bastards, they’re crafty I tell ya, crafty…

8

I didn’t make that point clear - I meant that if we had intended to vandalise the cars we would have given false names. And if we had given our names, left and someone else damages the cars, then what?

We should have pointed out about the sign, but no doubt we’d get some poor excuse and have no good come of it.

9

Point-taken. Crabby old women do put a damper on my day, as well, but I know I will be senile someday too, so I just think of the bliss I will be in when I’m a cranky old man.

10

nikjohns - just a thought; she may have been one of those T’ai Chi pensioners that one sees in worryingly increasing numbers in parks these days, trying to start a fight with you guys so that she could practise her technique. Laughing and walking away was IMO the right decision.
I am indebted to Scott Adams from IIRC ‘Future Dilbert’ for pointing this out to me. He suspects that all these old guys practising T’ai Chi are in really bad pension plans and one day when they have become good enough they will beat up the rest of us and take our stuff.

11

When I get old I mean to join the Raging Grannies (hoping they take drag queens, or will in sixty years). But other than that I will probably be a sweet little old lady, because sweet little old ladies get away with EVERYTHING.

12

(I apologize in advance for this partisan cheap shot. Just couldn’t resist.)

Picture it, Andover, Massachusetts, 1960. An old person shakes his fist at a goodfernothin’ spoilt-brat rich kid named George, saying, “That’d darn teenager is up to no good!”

And now look who’s President.

13

And don’t forget Hell’s Grannies.

14

Next time, ask (politely) if you can borrow her pen, so that you can write down her license plate number to report her to the cops for parking in a no-parking zone. :stuck_out_tongue:

15

In this particular case, the old person would have been absolutely right.

16

I ride city transit buses every day (4 a day) so I see a ton of people, young and old. Little old ladies irritate the hell out of me. So much so, that here’s a completely pointless, overly long rant about them:

Why do they keep sitting on the outside seat on the bus? Each big seat (they’re in sets of 2 if you’ve never been on a bus before) is supposed to seat 2 people, and there’s a REASON for that…when the bus is crowded, everyone can still sit. But noooo, these little old ladies sit on the outside seat (beside the aisle, not the window) so that they’re trapping an empty seat beside them (the window one) and they won’t move over to let anyone sit down, no matter how crowded the bus gets. As a result, because I’M sitting on the inside seat, I get all the big fat guys or the “just went on a shopping spree” mom’s with a ton of bags and junk sitting beside me, cramming me against the window as I stare at the completely empty seat the little old lady in front of me is hogging (sure, that may very well BE the reason they do that, but it’s a public bus, and everyone should be showing eachother a little courtesy even if it means a bit of an uncomfortable ride…I can ramble annoyed about this because I’ve had so many people sitting beside me because of these little old ladies, I’ve earned some ranting time, heh).

There’s a certain etiquette and certain unwritten rules you follow when you ride a public bus. If you’re the only one in a seat and there are some empty seats left, hey, take up the whole damn seat! Who cares! But if it starts to fill up and people are having to STAND, move your rear over and let them have the seat.

If you ride the bus, always sit at the back. Even if you like the front, sit at the back. If you’re a teenager, that is. If you sit at the front, the bus will crowd up and then a little old lady will get on the bus and not have a seat. At this point, you’re EXPECTED to get up and let her have your seat, because you’re sitting up at the front where old people always sit. That’s right, the same little old lady who was seat-hogging before, expects you to GIVE UP your seat for her when she couldn’t even shift over for someone else. And if you don’t, you get dirty looks from everyone around you and are labelled as a “rotten teenager”. So your options? Get up and STAND the whole trip so she can have a seat, sit there and take the guilt, or go stand at the back and hope someone gets off the bus so you can snag their seat. As you walk to the back of the bus, notice how many little old ladies are blocking off seats because it makes the situation a little more amusing. Anyway, save yourself some trouble and just sit at the back right off the start and let some other sucker sit at the front not knowing what to do when a little old lady gets on the bus.

To be fair, there are nice little old ladies (like the one that was sitting behind me and, out of the blue, asked “Which one do you want?” as she held out three chocolate bars over the back of my seat for me to see…“No thankyou, I just ate!” (of course I hadn’t, but I didn’t know what else to say for it caught me by such surprise)), and for some reason old guys (“little old men”? That sounds weird) don’t seem to mind sitting by anyone or giving up their seat. No idea why this is, but science should study it…or at least put out some sort of “Old People Spray”.

  • Tsugumo (sorry about this, but those bus hogging grannies really really bug me…)
17

You’re trying to tell me about old people Nizza? :wink:

I worked in a hotel IN DEVON! IN DEVON FOR GOD’S SAKE!

shuddering in the corner

— G. Raven

18

My advice to all of you is this - do not, under any circumstances, come to Palm Springs. You will see enough glitter and fringe to make you puke. You will see old-timers making right turns from the left lane. You will see 80 years old skeletal remains wobbling slowly down the street on a bicycle (no helmet). The grocery store check-out lines are full of retirees in plaid shorts buying cases of booze and cat food. I tolerate it all because I love living here, but it would be tough to be a skater around here, that’s for sure.

19

Mmmm. My advice, to some who have posted, is ‘don’t get old’.

My advice to Tsugumo is ‘don’t get arthritis’ - makes it easier to slide across the seats when you don’t have it.

:frowning: :mad:

Sorry, but I’ve spent too much time escorting my grandparents to social events. You know, like the grandmother who’s been using a walker for 15 years [sub]and hasn’t been walking for the past week cos she’s hooked up to a ventilator[/sub]. Or like the grandfather with the bum hip and heart who walks with constant pain and had to walk a little further this morning cos some asshole without a permit parked in the handicapped spot.

Remind me to check in with you guys in 50 or 60 or 70 years. I want to see how you feel about old people then.

20

My advice would be, if you do get old, don’t be an asshole.

I realize that a few digs here were against senior citizens in general, but for the most part, the complains have been about ASSHOLES who happen to be old. And since the AARP doesn’t mind grouping together all of the old people, I think the posters above can loop all of the old ASSHOLES together for griping purposes. Not nearly as powerful of a lobbying force, but there you go.