Yeah I get what you’re saying. I think I was a bit unclear with my last response. I was trying to be succinct cause even though I think it’s important to be generous when answering a question and be as comprehensive as possible, it’s also really draining and I’m getting to the point of burn-out. But I’ll try one more time to explain my opinion, and if it still doesn’t gel with you or there’s something I said you wanna focus in on in particular, I’ll have to get back to you at a later point. I was just saying that I understand why people are emphasising the brain as a sex organ, because it is overlooked and under-considered quite often, despite being one of the key factors in sexual arousal, especially for women, but also for men quite often as well.
From my understanding the OP mainly just wanted to know if his gf was faking her orgasms or whatever. Peripheral to that was the question about whether certain kinds of stimulation create an orgasm that radiate through the whole body vs being smaller scale and localized to the genitalia or pelvic region, that lead to the discussion of where male orgasms are localised and some folks (myself included) felt the need to mention that regardless of what the input or physical stimulus is, the brain is the primary erogenous zone, and because the orgasm creates a state of blissful confusion it’s usually difficult to specify physically what’s happening in your body because your brain is the part of your body most affected by the hormones released. How much bodily control is retained or lost does not seem to have much of anything to do with how the orgasm is achieved rather it is the intensity of the orgasm that seems to be the difference maker. Most people cannot predict what variable(s) will trigger an intense orgasm vs an average one. It is not only different from person to person, but each person will find that from day to day this will change. Sexual proclivities can change from moment to moment and definitely over time. People tend to develop more sexual kinks as they age simply because they need to keep their brain interested in sex, every now and then there needs to be something new or it loses its thrill. Kind of like food, the reason we don’t like to eat the same thing day in and day out isn’t because our bodies need variety to stay alive, it’s because our brains need variety to stay interested.
The other reason the brain is emphasised in a situation like this is because it’s the only universally agreed upon key factor, since each person truly has quite a unique sexuality, so any other advice might turn out to be unhelpful because of its failure to apply to the sexual partner in question. Reports of women orgasming without even being touched are becoming more common as female sexuality is become de-stygmatised. What if the best way to make a woman orgasm is to look at her a certain way? Comes back to the brain again.
Otherwise basic biological advice regarding anatomy and also maybe what NOT to do during sex could prove helpful, but getting a man to give you the skinny on the female orgasm on a message board is not as good an idea as just asking the girl you are sleeping with what she likes. If she is sexually inexperienced then telling her to let you know how she feels as you explore her body is the best bet. Do that with each girl you sleep with and eventually you’ll get better at reading non-verbal cues, even with new partners, and you might not need to communicate verbally very much at all. But still you can’t just go in with a plan, you gotta be prepared to experiment and improvise and communicate.
At last count there was approx. one woman commenting in this thread and I doubt she wants to give anyone a detailed run down of what gets her going, but even if she did, you’d be very lucky if you could simply apply that info to the next woman you sleep with and have it pay off. If this thread was full of women discussing what they enjoy sexually you might be able to average things out and learn something you would find useful, but I’m sure there’s already way too many dudes in the thread for that discussion to actually happen.
I really wish there was something I could say that was more helpful.
If someone makes a statement along the lines of “it’s all mind over matter” and you need to remind them that the mind can be helpless sometimes, inebriation is a good example. But if someone asks “what do you do to a woman’s body to ensure she has the most powerfully mind melting orgasm possible?” if I’m gonna be completely honest I have no simple or complicated answer that is universally or even generally true. You might as well ask me “how long is a piece of string?” or “which way does the wind blow?”
I just fumble with the lock until it clicks open.:o
I guess it’s really unhelpful but what else can a guy say on the matter without just making stuff up? There’s a half a dozen women that I got to know so well that I probably could give advice specific to them, but otherwise we’re all flying blind. Women too, a lot of women don’t know how get a man off using just their hands, or just their mouth or whatever, and each guy is different too. Some guys like heavy suction and slurping sounds, for me good oral sex is more about what the woman does with her tongue and how soft her lips are, but mostly it’s about whatever mood I’m in.
I’m really tired and underslept right now, so I think that’s the best response I can give to what you’re wondering… without transitioning that is, and even then…
Ultimately my advice is useless, except for the bit where I say; don’t be bashful, communicate with the women in your life and see what advice they give you. Everything else I say, may have a grain of accuracy but will be totally open to conjecture. That’s the long and short of sex I’m afraid. I just hope trying to give you the most honest answer I can was of some small value in helping you mull these kind of things over. Also keeping in mind that women are people, not puzzles, is something that has always helped me with the learning process. My obligation when I’m with a woman is to be genuine and fun to hang with not to crack a code, besides which, if she likes me she’ll help me crack the code anyway.
