Just me Polycarp, or do you another stubborn hick from my redneck part of the woods? 
There is supposed to be a “know” in there.
Fudge
Otsego County people I have known:
>I was doing what I do best: pontificating, in this case about the significance of stuff in the Episcopal Prayer Book. The lady I was talking to lived outside of Cooperstown, and turned out to be the widow of its editor.
>The world’s most competent emergency treatment crew for pediatric head trauma are at the Cooperstown Hospital. My wife and I were friends of the man coaching the Little League team whose daughter was hit in the head by a swung bat at Doubleday Field about 15 years ago.
>The person in the real world who is the world’s greatest expert on New York’s insanely complicated rules for local government accounting (as opposed to Cash McCall and his minions :() was born, raised, and attended college in Oneonta. He was a coworker of mine before going to work for the Association of Towns.
The county seems to be jam packed full of experts on everything. I wonder if Cecil is from there?
Everybody at Basset Hospital (Cooperstown) seems to be great at what they do. They put my mother back together pretty darn good (see farm accidents thread).
Cooperstown in general has always been upper crust. The summer opera theater ‘Glimmerglass Opera’ is pretty well known. The quarters of the NY State Historical Association are in town as well.
Oneonta with both SUNY Oneonta and Hartwick College is a very small city with a large academic base.
“Hands up, this thread is going straight to Cooperstown…”
No, but seriously. Seriously? No, wait… Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that lately, I’ve been having unparalleled good luck with vending machines. I’ve been getting two things for the price of one, extra change, and once, $3.50 in quarters without even buying anything. Therefore, I think I will rename myself Imthevendingmachinegoddesskaching.
Thank you. I’ll shut up now.
Modest? You bet I’m modest! I am the queen of modesty!
A couple years ago, my company hired a new director. In a cost-cutting measure, he downsized the deity department and fired the FT cowgod. What did he replace him with? A temporary cow god. Yes, you heard right, a “temp.”
Suffice it to say, within months TPTB found room in the budget to re-hire a full-time cowgod. And the idiot director was burned at the stake (steak?) as an offering.
How could I miss a thread totally dedicated to me? Well, I did- Sorry, Poly!
Mr Thin Skin got is mostly right, but my name is not Moo. My user name should be read “I’m the Cow God. Moo.” ‘Moo’ is not a command. ‘Moo’ is what cows say.
I am the full-time cow god because there where no part-time positions available when I filled out the application. I am a full bull (that makes me a MALE). So, what other questions do you have for me?
“I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes
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So where does one apply for this sort of work? Do you have to start small and work your way up? I mean, did they let you start with animals, or did you have to be the god of toothbrushes or skateboards or something inanimate first? Can I get an application? Could I be an Antelope Goddess or a Cat Nymph, or are all the good animals taken? Would I get stuck with being the Slug Fairy or the Mosquito Goddess? How are the benefits? Do you have dental?
Catrandom
Unfortunately, I get no benefits from being the cow god. (Unless you call getting an unlimited butter supply a bonus.)
Send me your resume and I’ll tell you what’s open in the line of gods, its still a profession on the DL, not to many gods want to go public like I have. I’m thinking you could get anything you want right now, the whole diety business is undergoing a rebirth of sorts. There is no waiting period to get to the bigger animals, if you want to be an elephant god, you can be an elephant god. If you want to be a god of inanimate objects, then you might run into problems (like collecting sacrifices and what not), but that area is wide open.
There might be a convention in the LA or LV area sometime in the future to round up some new recruits once some of the old timers retire.
“I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes
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Is there an opening for cat goddess? How much experience is required? (I’ve only been a minor chocolate deity thus far.) Also, do you have a standard application that one can fill out, or must I make up a resume?
“The secret of life is, there ain’t no secret, and you don’t get your money back.”
I want to be god of paper clips. Can I?
– Sylence
“The problem with reality is the lack of background music.” – Anon
Dibs on beer, voluptious women, Mardi Gras and chinese action film flicks god.
Hell my world revolves around them already. They may as well make me their god
Catrandom,
You are responsible for rinsing my sinuses with Pepsi, a rather unpleasant experience.
Slug fairy, hmmm,doesn’t seem quite as funny now.
God it still burns.
So, the burning question I have for Imthecowgodmoo and his would be minions, have you ever been cowtipped?
<font size=5>SD Crime Alert!</font>
Imthecowgodmoo is not, in fact a cow god. He/she does not possess a degree in Deistic Engineering from an accredited theological university.
Imthecowgodmoo is actually a gangster ; a notorious member of the MOO-fia alias Don Toro; holding the rank of cow-pa.
Imthecowgodmoo is engaging in a scam to extort silage from small farmers by threatening to make their dairy cattle give
nothing but yogurt.
If Imthecowgodmoo approaches you; identifies him/herself as a god; & demands a ritual sacrifice of a virgin do not do this!Do not attempt to arrest Imthecowgodmoo yourelf, as the suspect is armed & high in cholesteral & transfatty acids!
Report Imthecowgodmoo’s presence in your community to your local police, the FBI, or the nearest Barbeque restaurant that uses real Cajun-Style sause.Take all necessary precautions to ensure that local virgins are no longer suitable as sacrifices. Thank You.
Attention C#3!The inside of your musty head is a exercise wheel;
in which two gerbils, Vanity and Credulity by
name, tussle fruitlessly over the walnut that
represents your banal & pointless existance.
Surely the above is simply one of those slanderous Internet rumors. I, for one, retain complete faith in the Cow God.
In fact, I’m making out my resume as we speak. Can I really be Elephant Goddess? I love elephants, but I’d hate to do them a disservice by taking too ambitious a first step. Perhaps I’ll just start with schnauzers or something.
Singing, “'Cause I be-LEEVE in you…”
Catrandom
(And sorry, EvilGandhi, whose name I love)
Kat, Catrandom, you’re going to have to work out shifts between you, and probably Kat2 too. (do not read the end of that sentence out loud while holding or drinking a beverage.)
Cow God, thank you for the background into bovine divinity and the job prospects. Are you giving references to the posters who have indicated interest in applying?
Sylence, I don’t have the authority to grant that; you’ll have to take it up with Higher Authority. You can reach Mr. Gates at…
(this will be my 4th attempt to respond to this thread, the last 3 times I was so graciously booted offline moments before I was about to hit ‘submit reply.’ AOL needs to stop being so sucky! Ok, back to the thread at hand…)
Kat and Catrandom, I do belive that the position for Cat goddess and Elephant goddess are available… so if you want it, just stake your claim to it.
Sylence, Paper clips? why???
Heath, sorry to inform you, but you can only be god over one thing at a time. (I suggest beer drinking-chinese action movie watching- voluptuous mardi gras women.)
Here’s the deal, since I can’t appoint anyone (my jurisdiction only include cows ya know) I’ll submit any resumes to the board of elders, for approval. (Its an easy process, just about everyone gets in, so don’t worry about being turned down)
A suitable resume would be anything that has your name, your desired position and why you wuold be good at being that diety in 200 words or less…preferably less(those elders have poor eyesight)
Oh yeah, its first come first serve, so all the goodies go first.
Cow God
oh, and no… I’ve never been ‘tipped’… I swear it! honost!
“I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes
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Of course part time positions are availible in deiology. For example I sometimes do some part time work as Flangor, the god of gastrointenstinal ailments.
Iamthecowgodmoo: Have you met Pushor, the god of wind? I’ve know him for quite a while.