(I wish I could take this as a sig line! 
)
I never watch porn (really), but I heard of one film (again, really!) in the early Eighties that had a woman clearly saying “You like that, don’t you?” over and over, while doing things that got in the way of her saying much of anything.
Wasn’t there some webpage, called Porno Set Critique, or something? They blacked out the figures entirely, and then commented on the decor of the set. It was just so weird it was funny.
I remember my friends and I would think it was funny when we were way younger to call those 1800 sex ad lines-you know, you dial the toll free number to get the real number, or something? One, featured this woman in a really husky voice saying, “A wild PUSSY…cat…is waiting to teeeaaseee and pleeeeese you…satisfy all your WILDEST desires.” You’d have to hear it, but just the way she would go, TEEEEZZZZEREEEEEE and PLEEEEZZZEEEE you, just would have us in hysterics.
Legend III…
Mike Horner and Randy West are watching Sandra Scream getting iton with the actor, doing pseudo-Shakespearean dialogue. She says something like ‘Shut up and f**k me, Hamlet’
Horner looks at West and says “they’re not following the script!”
West" Who cares, this is great!"
Horner: But we paid twenty dollars for the script!"
West: Don’t worry, we’ll make it up at concessions.
Another one: Torch 2. Two female tennis players are fooling arond in the locker room shower. The Reporter (Heather Hunter) walks in on them and introduces herself as a member of the press. Tennis Player #1 takes her face out of her partner’s crotch and says “We hate the press. They always make us out to be a couple of dykes.”
The one with the cowboy might be “Stiff Competition.” If it is, Ron Jeremy plays a promoter (with a Three-Mile-Island hairdo reminiscent of another promoter) named “Don Head.”
Mjollnir,
You’re right!! It was the blowjob competition. It may be a dubious honor, Mj, but I now pronounce you the porno king. I am impressed. Should I even ask what your video collection consists of??
Actually, my personal video collection consists of “Amos ‘n’ Andy,” “Our Gang/Little Rascals,” “Outer Limits,” and all sorts of assorted, hard-to-find (non-porn) videos.
However, I was once roommates with (talk about dubious distinctions) the world’s biggest Ron Jeremy fan, and I got to see “Stiff Competition” a whole bunch of times.
I watched one a long time ago that was a compilation of different scenes from a variety of porno movies. They all centered on the “Naughty Nurses” theme, so all scenes were about nurses having sex with their patients. One scene was about this porn star who couldn’t get his thing up. The doctor says that he has this new formula that could help, but has never been tested, called “Up”. The guy then asks, “‘Up’? What is it? C’mon, what’s ‘up’, Doc?” Without skipping a beat, the doctor looks at the camera and says, “It was a long way to make a joke, wasn’t it?”
I laughed so hard.
Here y’ are, my dear!
First off, like every one else says, I never watch porno flicks,ok?
Now to continue: the first one isnt so much a funny line as an unintentional background noise; these two people(guy and girl) were going at it,uh, doggy style, on a rooftop near a very busy intersection when suddenly, at the SAME momment the guy was giving the girl a really big thrust, there was a sound of a car below coming to a screeching stop, the two people looked up with very startled looks on their faces(you could even hear the crew laughing)I remember thinking ‘hmmm,sounds like someone needs a little more lubricant’.
The second one:sort of a blooper,sorta funny; guy and girl were going at it on a blanket,she was suppose to be a cheerleader or something,with the mini skirt and she was wearing saddle shoes.So anyway they’re both knealing on the ground,the guy is nude,and the girl stands up to change posstions and steps right on the guys’ schlong, as he’s moaning in pain, the director runs over and says to him:“I just have one question, do you want a sling or a bandage?”
ok, something about “crazy …'s collection” or "weird …'s " . anyway it was a bunch of shorts that were amateurish. no dialog just action. in one this guy ,after a lot of foreplay, can’t get in, so he turns to off-camera and whispers “give me some creme” and below camera someone passes him a tube. this does the trick. I guess they meant to cut this part out. I always remember the whisper.
what is the name of the porn bloopers one?
Hahaha
Taboo 3 - Dunno who the Asian chick was but she had this Elmer Fudd thing going. She gets introduced to this guy by another guy and so proceeds:
“Tell him what you like to do honey”
Wait for it
“Oh I jwust luv to swuck pwick!”
Showing my friends this, more than one spit take ensued after that line.
Also included is the young and slim (!) Ron Jeremy playing record producer. While he is laying pipe to a blond chick, a manager comes over with a contract for his god awful band. Ron waves him off, totally engrossed in the action. The manager then tells the blondie to get off Ron and as she does, he quickly changes his mind and signs on the dotted line without breaking stride. His comment after signing
“You know you are a real bastard when it comes to negotiation you know that?”
Ron is the man
Waaaay back in my college days (when porn was shot on film and shown in sleazy theaters like it oughta be) I recall a scene where a guy was pressuring his girlfriend to go down on him. She wouldn’t do it and he got up to leave.
“No wait, come back. I’ll do it. (kisses him on the lips) I love you.”
(Kisses him on the chest) “I love you”
(Kisses him on the stomach) “I love you.”
(Her head drops off the screen – imagine a poor Scooby-Doo impression) “Why wuf wu.”
Pornos have lines?
about 10 years ago, there was a satelite porn channel, the name of which I can’t remember. They had a promo where they were playing Tchaikovsky’s (im not gonna bother to look up correct spelling) 1812 overture and each cannon explosion was synchronized with a money shot.
THAT is just a sacriledge to a great piece.
Thanks for the link again!
Dont rememeber the name of the movie (why do they even bother?, but it had Sharon Kane in it. She had some girl over her knee and was spanking her. I guess the girl got to mouthy, so Mistress Sharon yells to someone off camera “toss me my ball gag!” A coupla seconds later a gag flies in from stage right, Sharon catches it and continues her work.