It’s Friday and I’m bored, so its time for a poll!
My entry is:
“As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.”
Next!
Scott
Joey Tribiani, imitating Chandler Bing, on Friends:
“Look at me, I’m Chandler! Could I be wearin’ any more clothes?!?”
Ross Geller, to the assembled crowd having fun drinking his ex-wife’s bottled-up breast milk, on Friends:
“OK, can you people stop drinking the breast milk!”
Stewey on Family Guy:
“I love God! He’s so deliciously evil!”
…and anything Boomhauer ever said on King of the Hill.
[Gracie walks in carrying bouquet of flowers]
George: What lovely flowers, Gracie—where did you get them?
Gracie: Remember you told me to visit my aunt in the hospital, and to take her flowers?
George: Yes . . .
Gracie (getting out vase): Well, when she wasn’t looking, I did!
[June Cleaver] Ward, don’t you think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night? [/June Cleaver]
I didn’t watch the show “Coach” much but I did happen to catch it once when it had one of my favorite TV lines.
It seems that Coach and his girlfriend had been trying to have a baby. In the episode I saw they got into an argument and she stormed into the bedroom. A couple of minutes later she call him into the bedroom saying “I’m ovulating”. The next scene is the following morning when he comments on the events of the night before with the line: “I’ve had a lot of fantasies during sex before but that’s the first time I ever dreamed I was someone else”.
Okay, it’s not really the lines themselves that are THAT funny, it’s the performances that makes this a classic. But since I can’t help but think of the performance when I remember these lines, I nominate:
Reverend Jim: Pssst. What does a yellow light mean?
Jeff: Slow down.
Reverend Jim: Okay. (rereads question) Whhaaaat. Dooooes. Aaaaaa. Yeeeelllloooww. Liiigggttt. Mean?
(Repeat several times)
While the crew escapes from Red Dwarf in the Starbug:
Kryten: That’s eighty clicks. We should be clear of any possible blast zone.
Cat: You really think it’s gonna blow?
Rimmer: This can’t be happening.
Lister: Nothin’s gonna happen. We’re just doin’ it as a precaution. The whole ship’s full of fail-safes anyway. Coolin’ systems, containment panels, vacuum shields. The actual chances of it blowing are about one in…
[Big ol’ Boom]
Lister: One.
Homer Simpson:
“Oooh! They have the internet on computers now!”
(among millions of other hilarious Simpsons quotes)
Carol Burnett: I saw it in a window and I just couldn’t resist.
To be honest, I don’t think anything can top the quote from the OP, but I’ll toss this out anyway . . .
- Cheers * ** Norm: ** “It’s a dog-eat-dog world and I’m wearing Milk-Bone underwear.”
Joey on Friends after sniffing a bowl of potpourri – (voice quavering) “Well, that’s just like summer in a bowl.” It was all in the delivery.
Les Nessman on WRKP – “It’s coming back up again!”
Homer - “To alcolhol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems!”
Fish on Barney Miller – “It was the smog. I swallowed a piece of it.”
Fish again, when asked how long he has been a cop – “I was the first.”
Frank Burns: “You disgust me!”
Hawkeye: “Yes, Frank. We discussed you with everyone, and they all found you disgusting.”
Woody: “What’s shaking, Mr. Petersen?”
Norm: “All four cheeks and a couple of chins.”
Okay, most of mine are from The Simpsons
“He didn’t give you gay, did he?” - Homer
“Everytime I learn something new it pushes something old out. Remember when I took that home-wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?” - Homer
“You were drunk!” - Marge
“And how.” - Homer
“The other day I was so desperate for a beer that I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.”
“Hey, I’m not running for Jesus.”
“Help me Jebus.”
And just to prove I watch other shows
“Welcome Dan-Dan Fielding.”
And, because I can’t write it, the way Les Nessman says both Chi-Chi Rodriguez and Chihuahua (Those of you that have seen the episode will know what I mean).
Nick on Barney Miller: “Mooshy, mooshy.”
Mimi to Drew on the Drew Carey Show:
“Bite me, dough-boy!”
This line comes in handy-
serves as a quick retort AND makes me smile whenever I say it.
Poysyn - The first one is Ki Ki Rod-goo-reez.
Granny - I’m gonna smoke some crawdads. But first, I gotta find a little pot.
From Cheers (inexact quote, but its the best my memory can do):
Someone in the bar: “If a tree falls in the forest and nobody’s there to hear it, does it make a noise?”
Coach: “Well if there’s no one there, how do you know it fell? Maybe some beavers set it there.”
I tried to stop myself from correcting you, but I just had to. It’s funnier the way Les actually said it.
It was CHI-CHI (with long ‘i’ rather than short) Rod-RI-gweez. And he pronounced Chihuahua as CHEE-hoo-a-hoo-a.
I sure hope that gets it across. I tried to find an audio clip on the web but failed.
Yeah, that’s closer. I was going for the Ki - as in kite - and just kinda made a half-assed attempt at the last name.
It’s not the line, it’s the setup.
In the old Dick Van Dyke Show, Rob was convinced that his son had been switched at birth with another baby, until he met the other boy’s parents.
The line was “Hi, we’re the Peters’.” Except that they were black.
One of the longest sitcom laughs in history.
more from cheers:
after sam realizes that coach and harry the hat had secretly conspired to get revenge on rival bar owner gary, he runs through the plan with them to confirm:
sam: so you and harry [complex details of plan, i forget what they were]?
coach: you’re way off sam!
harry: no he’s not, coach.
coach: oh yeah, that’s it exactly!
and from seinfeld
jerry discovers ‘feelings’ and convinces george to open up and share his deepest thoughts. the scene begins at the end of george’s revelations, which we don’t actually get to hear:
george: so that’s it. those are all my fears and everything i’m capable of. that’s me.
(cut to jerry with look of absolute horror and revulsion)
jerry: yikes! good luck with all that!