Burns: Hello, I would like to send this letter to the Prussian Consulate in Siam by aero-mail. Is it too late for the 4:30 autogyro?
I believe the dog’s name was crippler.
Two occasions when Burns describes his workers as he views them on his monitor.
“Jackanapes. Lallygaggers! Noodle-heads!!”
“Goldbrickers. Layabouts! Sluggabeds!!”
It’s his mounting anger and disgust as he says each word that makes it funny.
Mr. Burns: “I am sure the manual indicates which lever is the velocitator and which is the deceleratrix…”
Mr. Burns (picking up a small model airplane): “We’ll take the Spruce Moose! Hop in!”
Smithers: “But sir -”
Mr. Burns (pointing a gun at him): “I said, hop in.”
this is actually the funniest quote ever. I think I laughed for about an hour after this scene. It’s so funny, I forgot what happens in the rest of the episode. I’m laughing now.
oh dear.
“…and a shiny new donkey for the man who brings me the head of Colonel Montoya!”
Stop wasting my time you corn fed man-cow!
Oh, I forgot:
“It was I, you fools! The man you trusted wasn’t Wavy Gravy at all! And all this time, I’ve been smoking harmless tobacco.”
“A lifetime of working with nuclear power has given me a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada Boxing Commissioner.”
“Doughnuts? I told you I don’t like ethnic food!”
" Hello … Smithers, … you’re … quite … good … at … turning … me … on."
(Um…you probably should ignore that.)
“Smithers, what’s that noise?” “I think it’s your heart beating again, sir.” “Ooh, that takes me back!”
Pimply-Voiced Teen: I can’t find Prussia, Siam, or autogyro. Do you think I’m using an outdated guidebook?
Burns (to Homer): Here’s your bonus- a baseball card. It’s that DiMaggio fellow on the New York nine. Apparently, they’re letting ethnics into the major leagues now.
I had to look this one up:
Burns: I’ve decided to bring in a few ringers…professional baseballers. We’ll give them token jobs at the plant and have them play on our softball team- Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, Mordecai “Three-Finger” Brown…
Smithers: Uh, sir, I’m afraid…all those players have retired, and…uh…passed on. In fact, your right fielder has been dead for 130 years.
Burns: Damnation! All right, find me some good players- living players. Scour the professional ranks- the American League, the National League, the Negro Leagues!
I never liked that Doctor Stupid.
Burns proposes a business deal to Lisa.
Lisa: Well, OK, but… nothing evil!
Burns (pleased): That’s exactly the kind of radical thinking I’ve been looking for!
In the King Kong parody:
If we bring him back alive, we’ll have the greatest show New York has ever seen. Dead, and we can sell monkey stew to the army!
:Burns walks up to the candy machine, asks for a toffee “And don’t wrap it too tightly!”:
:snack machine sits there:
:Burns narrows eyes:
“You’ve made a powerful enemy today, my friend.”
“One dollar for eternal happiness?.. I’d be happier with the dollar.”
“Shine on, you crazy diamond!”
“Let the fools have their tar-tar sauce.”
And my personal favorite:
“Look at them–wallowing in their own crapulence!”
“I wonder if this Homer Nixon is any relation.”
“I don’t think so, sir. They spell and pronounce their names differently.”
Id trade it all for a little more…
Homer enters Burns’s office and announces that he has a list of suggestions to improve the plant.
Burns (sarcastically): “Well, huzzah, huzzah! I’ll just throw back my legs and pollute my britches with delight!”