From the episode where Homer joins the cult (I think):
Lisa: Be careful Dad, you’re the highly suggestible type!
Homer: Yes, I am the highly suggestible type…
And the best visual is when Marge calls the amish to rebuild Bart’s treehouse. There are four amish men and women in a hot tub up to their necks in water, and when they get up we see that they’re fully clothed.
Two that I’ve always loved that haven’t been mentioned:
From In Marge We Trust, the Japanese commercial for Mr. Sparkle brand dishwashing powder:
It still makes me laugh my ass off, and the first few times I saw it, I went into one of those uncontrollable fits of laughter that makes you wish you could stop laughing because it’s starting to hurt.
And from **A Star Is Burns[/b}:
[quote]
Smithers: No, sir, they’re saying “Boooo-urns, Booo-urns!”
All-time favorite one-liner is from the Lord of the Flies spoof, where the kids have Ralphie taste the berries first to see if they’re poisonous:
“It tastes like burning!”
Chief Wiggum: “Er, no. You got the wrong number, this is 912.”
You forgot the punchline. “Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Sacrilicious!”
This was from There’s No Disgrace Like Home. It was a Dr. Marvin Monroe commercial which Homer was watching on the floor of Moe’s after a brawl with Barney. You just have to watch the episode on DVD to get it:
Wife: Honey, aren’t you going to work today?
Husband: No-o-o… I don’t think so.
Wife: Honey, you have a problem, and it won’t get better until you admit it.
Husband: I admit this… You better shut your big yap!
Wife: Oh you shut up.
Husband: No, you shut up!
Wife: No you shut up!
Husband: Oh shut up!
Wife: Shut up!
Husband: Shut up! [little kid enters the bedroom]
Kid: Why don’t you both shut up!
Dr. Monroe: Hi, friends, I’m Dr. Marvin Monroe. Does this scene look familiar?
If so, I can help. No gimmicks, no pills, no fad diets. Just
family bliss, or double your money back! So call today!
I’ve always loved Skinner’s crazy explanations. Here are probably the two best, wherein they took the joke about as far as the could without stretching for humor, and they’re absolutely hilarious.
From Whacking Day:
(Lisa answers a question about a battle)
RALPH: What’s a battle?
…
CHALMERS: Did that boy just say, “What’s a battle?”
SKINNER (quickly): No…he said…“What’s that rattle?”
CHALMERS (suspicious): Sounded like “battle”.
SKINNER: I’ve got a head cold, sir.
CHALMERS: I see. So you would hear 'B’s as 'R’s?
SKINNER: Yes.
From 22 Short Films About Springfield:
CHALMERS: Seymour!
SKINNER: Superintendent; I was just, uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Care to join me?
CHALMERS: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
SKINNER (quickly): Uhh, oh, that isn’t smoke, it’s steam. Steam from the steamed clams we’re having. [rubs stomach] Mmm…steamed clams.
…
SKINNER: Superintendent, I hope you’re ready for mouth-watering hamburgers!
CHALMERS: I thought we were having steamed clams.
SKINNER: Oh, no, I said, “steamed hams”. That’s what I call hamburgers.
CHALMERS: You call hamburgers “steamed hams”.
SKINNER: Yes, it’s a regional dialect.
CHALMERS: Uh huh. What region?
SKINNER: Uh, upstate New York.
CHALMERS: Really. Well, I’m from Utica and I never heard anyone use the phrase “steamed hams”.
SKINNER: Oh, not in Utica, no; it’s an Albany expression.
CHALMERS: I see.
Chalmers drops the questions for a moment and takes a bite.
CHALMERS: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
SKINNER (laughing): Oh, no, patented Skinner Burgers…old family recipe!
CHALMERS: …for steamed hams.
SKINNER: Yes.
CHALMERS: Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled. [shows Skinner the grill marks on his burger]
SKINNER (nervously): Uh… you know… one thing I sh–… 'scuse me for one second.
CHALMERS: Of course.
Skinner goes into the kitchen for a moment and returns yawning, as though he had been in there forever.
SKINNER: Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I’m pooped.
CHALMERS: Yes, I guess I should be – [notices kitchen is on fire] GOOD LORD, what is happening in there?!?
SKINNER (quickly): Aurora Borealis?
CHALMERS: Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year? A this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?!?
SKINNER (as if it were at all feasible): Yes.
CHALMERS: May I see?
SKINNER: Er…no.
I love the bit from the Frank Grimes episode where he sees the photos.
Frank: Simpson, is that…
Homer: Oh yes, that’s me with former president Gerald Ford, and that’s me on tour with Smashing Pumpkins, and that’s me aboard the space shuttle…
Frank: You. Have been in space.
Homer: haven’t you?
then a few lines I can’t remember exactly, a pause and…
Homer: Want to see my Grammy?
Priceless.
Moe: “When I get a hold of you, I’m gonna use your head as a bucket and paint my house with your brain!!” (that one kept me laughing for years.)
On the same site, this one had me laughing hysterically. I’d never heard it before… I love it when that happens.
Oh my god, I’m dying over here reading this, Othersider. I had totally forgotten how ridiculously funny that sequence was. Thank you for making being stuck at work at 2 a.m. somewhat enjoyable.
D’oh! Teach me to use preview… both those can be found here: http://twpyhr.com/sounds26.shtml
The second one I referenced was Mo: “Moe’s Tavern… Hold on, I’ll check. Hey everybody, I’m a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.” (Must be heard to be appreciated.)
From the Maison Derriere episode, when Belle calls on Homer, who is living in total squalor with Bart {Marge, Lisa and Maggie are away} to complain:
{rings doorbell, prolonged sounds of rustling and scrabbling, until finally Homer answers the door wearing only a paper shopping bag: Belle asks Homer to discipline Bart. At last…}
Belle, incredulously: Are you wearing a grocery bag?
Homer, in terms of injured dignity: Lady, I have misplaced my pants. {bag tears open, cascading him with filth}
And later, when Bart first visits the burlesque house and his eyes widen at the sight of all the scantily clad dancers: “Lady, I gotta tell ya, I have been grossly misinformed about witches.”
Still my favourite episode, if only for those two scenes.
Three pages and still no mention of the most famous one:
“Cheese eating surrender monkeys”
Homer: You people have held me back long enough. I’m going to Clown College.
Stunned silence, then Bart: I don’t think any of us saw that one coming.
The same episode has the scene where Homer and Krusty ride the little bike, and Homer’s held hits the glasses above the bar, thus playing the Godfather theme.
Ha! That reminds me of one of my favorites:
Groundskeeper Willie: “Somebody’s got to save the wee turtles!”
The turtles attack him.
Willie: “Ahhh! Save me from the wee turtles!”
From the episode where Lisa is failing gym. She has a multi layered flash forward where she is going to be sent to “Monster Island.”
Man: Don’t worry, it’s just a name.
Flash forward to Lisa and others running from several Godzillaesque monsters.
Man: It’s really a peninsula
“pi Is Exactly Three!”
In the King Kong parody, Mr. Burns attempts to throw a gas bomb at Homer, but it only goes a few feet and gets him instead.
James Woods: And there’s that time while filming “Chaplin” when I took a time machine back to…perhaps I’ve said too much.
I also love that moment (in the same episode) where Apu is on the security camera flitting around like a hummingbird after saying away for many hours.
The episode where Homer is going crazy and the family takes him on vacation to Florida. On the drive he complains, “My pockets hurt!”
The episode where Bart becomes an international carrier and only Lisa knows. Then, Homer finds out. After having a rage tantrum, he says slowly and calmly “Okay, I’ve come up with a plan. First. I’ll kill Bart…”
“Sneed’s Feed and Seed (formerly Chuck’s)”
Later in that episode:
Woods: [on phone with agent] How can it be the same movie if my character goes from being a tightly-wound convenience store clerk to jittery Eskimo firefighter? … uh-huh… uh-huh… uh-huh… well, that’s a pretty good explanation.