Well, I might as well go back over yonder
Way back yonder 'cross the hill
'Cause if my baby don’t love me no more
I know her sister will.
-Jimi Hendirx, Red House
Wasting Time**
I like the line from** Cowboy:**
“I ain’t no G, I’m just a regular failure
I ain’t straight outta Compton I’m straight out the trailer
Cuss like a sailor…drink like a Mick
My only words of wisdom are just -Radio Edit” (you have to fill in the Radio Edit line)
The Bloodhound Gang - Fire Water Burn
I’m not black like Barry White no I am white like Frank Black is
So if man is five and the devil is six than that must make me seven
This honkey’s gone to heaven.
The first line’s clever, but how many people get the Pixies reference in the rest of it.
Way back in 1972, Alice Cooper had this in School’s Out.
“Well, we got no class
And we got no principals
And we got no innocence
We can’t even think of a word that rhymes”
What’s My Age Again? by Blink182 has this gem:
“Later on, on the drive home
I called her mom, from a pay phone
I said I was the cops
And your husband’s in jail
The state looks down on sodomy”
“Is that supposed to be your poker face, or was someone run over by a train?”
Opening line from Fountains of Wayne’s “No Better Place.”
Well i sat my monkey on a log
In order to get him to do the dog
He wagged his tail and shook his head
Then he went and did the cat instead
He’s a wierd monkey
…Bod Dylan - I Shall Be Free No.10
The Stones are always good for laugh…
“Sympathy For the Devil” -
Just call me Lucifer
'Cause I’m in need of some restraint
“Let It Bleed” -
She said, “My breasts, they will always be open
Baby, you can rest your weary head right on me
And there will always be a space in my parking lot
When you need a little coke and sympathy”
“Hang Fire” -
You know marrying money is a full time job
I don’t need the aggravation
I’m a lazy slob
And others…
“The Joker” - Steve Miller
Really like your peaches wanna shake your tree
“Ordinary Average Guy” - Joe Walsh
And every Saturday we work in the yard
Pick up the dog do
Hope that it’s hard (woof woof)
or the entire lyrics for
“Life’s Been Good” - Joe Walsh
“This is exciting.
I never plooked
A tiny chrome-plated
Machine
That looks like a
Magical pig
With marital aids
Stuck all over it
Such as yourself
Before.”
…
“Speak to me
Oh no…
The golden shower
Must have shorted out
His master circuit
He’s, he’s, oh my god
I must have
Plooked him…
Hey
To death…
Hey”
From SY BORG by Zappa
My favorite line: “I can’t complain, but sometimes I still do.”
How about Dan Hicks “How can I miss you when you won’t go away?”
Zappa’s “Disco Boy”
Disco Boy, no one understands
But thank the Lord that you still got hands
To help you do the jerkin’
That’ll drown out your disco sorrow
Never did like that dog
from Tom Waits song
Franks Wild Years
Ooooops
I meant never could stand that dog !
Well I think Phoebe’s misheard lyrics from Tiny Dancer were pretty funny.
“Hold me close, young Tony Danza.”
Definitely not what was sung, but whenever I hear the song now I only hear her version of it.
I’m surprised nobody has gotten to these lyrics yet :
I left the cake out in the rain,
And I worked so hard to make it,
And it took so long to bake it,
And I’ll never have that recipe again, oh no!
From MacArthur Park
written, in all seriouness, by Richard Harris.
It is not hard to see why this song was elected the worst song in history in Dave Barry’s survey of awful songs.
America is another band that inadvertently makes me laugh with their lyrics.
From Horse With No Name
The heat was hot.
From Sister Golden Hair
Alligator Lizards in the air.
There are so many more examples from America, but those have to be my favorites. Whenever I hear them I laugh.
Who would have thought Bob Dylan could be so funny?
From “By and By” (Love and Theft album)
By and by, i’m breathin’ a lover’s sigh
While i’m sittin’ on my watch so i can be on time
It took me several listening before I realized he was making a joke.
I’ve written before about “Copacabana” on the SDMB, so I’ll only add a “me too” about the “and she lost her mind” line. Never has insanity sounded so appealing.
From Beck’s “Debra”:
“I wanna get with you, only you
And your sister, I think her name’s Debra.”
And in the same song:
“I pick you up late at night after work,
I said, ‘Lady, step inside my Hyundai.’”
And finally:
“Ain’t no use wastin’ no time gettin’ to know each other,
You know the deal.”
-Apoptosis
from the Vandal’s Lord of Dance, which posits Michael whatshisname as the Second Coming…
A simple shuffle and a full plie, he’s making Zima out of Perrier
I threw off my flip flop and stepped on a popcorn…
As children, my sister and would howl with laughter at that line. There was just something funny about that visual. Yeah…yeah…I know now; that line doesn’t really go like that. We didn’t find out until much later in life that the actual line is, **I threw off my flip flop and stepped on a pop ** top.
For the life of me, I can’t think of the song name, but it’s one of the songs off of They Might Be Giants’ Flood:
Everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads.
From Tom Waits…
“The Piano Has Been Drinking”: I only have a drinking problem when I don’t have a drink
“Pasties and a G String”: And I’m getting harder than Chinese algebra…ssieres.
And all of Eminem’s “Kill You”, especially the spoken last line: “I’m just clowning ladies; you know I love ya”.
Like a pizza in the rain,
No one wants to take you home…
(Talking Heads)
I have to go with Tom Lehrer. Even if it’s out of date by 40 years.
…
Egypt’s gonna get one too,
just to use on you know who.
Now Israel’s getting tense,
wants one in self-defense,
“The Lord’s our shepard” says the Psalm,
But just in case; we better get the bomb!
…
Michael Jackson and Paul McCartny’s other duet, “The Girl Is Mine”. As if the notion of The King of Pop lyrically fighting over a women isn’t hysterically amusing by itself, we have these classic lines sung by the two during a chatty moment set to music before the fade out. Mike’s subsequent sexual revelations make his lines the funnier.
(Paul) Michael, we’re not going to fight about this, okay?
(Michael) Paul, I think I told you – I’m a lover, not a fighter!
(Paul) I’ve heard it all before, Michael, she told me that I’m her forever lover, you know, don’t you remember?
(Michael) Well, after loving me, she said she couldn’t love another.
(Paul) Is that what she said?
(Michael) Yes, she said it, you keep dreaming!