From The Onion (although I doubt it would work in real life): Menstruating Christ!
Slap me silly and call me Susan!
I’m also partial to Crikey!
When something goes wrong for a friend of mine, a stubbed toe, a dropped cell phone, a speeding ticket, etc…he shouts “Dickbanger”!
From my non-swearing Mormon friends:
*Cheese and Rice!
Mother Bear!
Bull Shirt!*
I’ve always marveled at some folks self control during moments of pain, terror and surprise.
Well, there was this Pit thread back in 2002 or so in which the OP articulately (in screenplay form, actually) ranted about trying to buy a fridge that didn’t have an ice-maker. His "What the fucking fuck?!" just about killed me, but the supporting context was a must.
Overheard recently: “Well shit in mah mouth and call me yer sister!”
From the movie Paul:
“You bet your hairy love-eggs!”
“Fuck-a-roo, that was the best titty-farting sleep I have ever had!”
I have a friend who says “shitnuts!” He’s the only person I’ve heard use this exclamation.
An irreverent former coworker of mine (a genteel late middle-aged lady with a mouth that would make a stevedore cringe) said things like “Christ on a crutch!” and “Fuck a duck!” at work.
To this day, “Fuck a duck!” is one of my go-to exclamations when something goes wrong.
“Oh, pissflaps!” is my favorite. 
A few years back, I misspoke in a the middle of a sentence and accidentally coined the word “touchwarming,” a portmanteau of “touching” and “heartwarming.” My daughter and I use it all the time now, usually in an ironic/sarcastic sense: “Oh, X did Y for Z, out of the ‘kindness of his heart’? How very touchwarming!”
I’m hoping it’ll catch on…
Sweet Zombie Jesus, indeed.
Fuck a duck and screw a pigeon. Go to Hell and get religion.
By the Rings of Saturn!! Tom Corbett, Space Cadet.
This thread has me laughing so hard, I can barely see through my tears. My contributions:
“Ye gods and little fishes!”
“Jesus Henry Christ playing basketball with the saints on a glass bicycle!”
For myself, when something is bad, I’ll say it “sucks large duck eggs.”
Moving this zombie from Cafe Society to MPSIMS.
Think how confused it will be when it tries to return to its unquiet rest.
Wait, isn’t that one of the 50 ways to leave your lover?
“Gosh-a-mickle, dickle, pickle, dog my cats and rowrbazzle!” --Walt Kelly’s Pogo I use it occasionally.