My sister took her three year old to McDonald’s as a treat one day. Frick could speak pretty clearly and there was no line so she let him order while she stood back with infant brother Frack in her arms. He happily marched up and gave his order to the teenager behind the counter. The guy sweetly leaned over to listen, checked with my sister that it was ok and then repeated it back to Frick. He ended with, “Can I get you anything else?”
Frick waved dismissively at mom and bro and told the guy, “That’s ok, Frack just eats Mommy’s boobs.”
Poor guy turned bright red.
Obviously you have easy access to Dora the Explorer stickers, what’s so mysterious about that?
Those who denied it supplied it!
I don’t remember what my DIL did, but my grandson said to her, “Good boy!”
She said, as we all do when he does that, “Mommy’s a girl.”
He looked at her for a second. “Good boy, Girl!”
He’s 2 1/2 and managed to con his great-grandma out of Toy Story 2 the other day while out shopping. He asked Grandma, “How are you today?” She responded, “I’m good. How are you?” He sat there in the cart, looked down and said sadly, “Not good.”
I don’t know what he was sad about but she felt a need to cheer him up. After Christmas he’ll have all three movies in the Toy Story group.
Okay, I’m sorry for whatever hallucinogenic drugs my toddler’s been ingesting, but yesterday he didn’t want his bedtime snack of chocolate milk. Because there were little Santa hats in it and they didn’t feel good in his mouth.
What the hell?
Have you checked his mouth for canker sores? Sore throat?
Doesn’t have a sore throat, according to him. I haven’t looked thoroughly for cankers but he usually complains loudly about mouth pain. And, really? Santa Claus hats? Weird.
Well, they’re pointy on top (under the little pom-pom). If my mouth felt weird, I might describe it as having pointy things in it.
The chocolate milk doesn’t come with mini marshmallows in it, does it? Most kids love those, but they are kinda slimy, and do look kinda like the pom-poms.
Eh, I got nuthin’. Kid has Santa hats on the brain.
ROFL at the Dora sticker on scrotum. I have stickers on my walls and floor, and sometimes on my socks, but the ballsack is a whole new level.
While my Grandma was giving birth to my mother, My grandad looked after my uncle in the hallway. There must of been a truck outside and my uncle yelled out at the top of his voice, “DADDY,DADDY LOOK THERE’S A FUCK! A BIG FUCK!” My grandfather just looked around and said loudly " Yes, It is a big lorry.
One of my cousins used to say sarlard for lettuce, and both her and her twin said river juice and cow juice for water and milk.
Does anyone else read the Frog and Toad series? We’re waiting for Gnat to start pronouncing his 'r’s, so he’ll stop saying “Fucking toad! Fucking toad!”
The other night, my kid insisted I search his room for monsters before I turned out the light at bedtime.
I explained that there were no monsters that could hide in his room - that they are just stories, no need to be afraid of them, because they are not real.
He thought about this for a bit, and then came back with the perfectly logical reply:
“Daddy, there are monsters. If there were no monsters, what would we need Superheros for?”
This seems to be a common substitution. I did it (in church even!), and the daughter of a friend of mine did it as well. That child’s grandma had the brilliant idea to teach the child to call it a pick-up instead. Can you guess what the kid actually started calling them? :eek: 
OMG, this kills me! Aw, man, I can’t wait to have kids.
Another pronunciation one… my son went through a huge Thomas the Tank Engine phase, and his favorite engine was Percy, for which he had a bunch of the requisite wooden toys etc. But for months he pronounced it very clearly without the ‘r’, and the ‘e’ sort of as ‘uh’. So more than once he’d drop his toy when riding in the back of the car and scream out “pussy! pussy! i want pussy!”, which was pretty hilarious. I don’t think he appreciated the laughter, though 
Completely opposite to my early-talking son, my daughter doesn’t talk much, and is somewhat behind in that area. She’s OK, nothing actually wrong with her, just developing differently. She is, however, a huge goof. She recently managed to get the hang of the pattern for knock-knock jokes, although doesn’t really understand them. She’s also obsessed with all things Mermaids, especially The Little Mermaid. She made up her first knock knock joke a month or two ago:
Her: Knock, knock.
Us: Who’s there?
Her: Ariel! (protagonist of The Little Mermaid…)
Us, interested now: Ariel who?
Her, beaming: Ariel… IN YOUR BOTTOM!
I have no idea where the ‘in your bottom’ concept came from, but as it pretty much always gets a good response from us (yes, we’re all mental age of 12 in the house), basically she now makes that the punchline of every joke. It’s to the point where she says “knock knock” and my son says “ugh, this isn’t going to be an ‘in your bottom’ joke is it?” LOL.
Conversation of my daughters the other day…
J: I am the Julia of the World! Nothing can hurt me!
R: Well, if a kilometer dropped on your head, it could even KILL you!
J: Oh.
Me: I think you might mean a kilogram…
Ha! My daughter had the same misconception about chickens. At about that age, she told me, “It’s funny that chicken is called ‘chicken’ just like chickens.” And I told her that it is actually made out of chickens. My mom freaked out and thought I shouldn’t tell her such indelicate things, but I’m a vegetarian, so I don’t mind one bit if she chooses not to eat chicken and I can be brutally honest.
I had to revive this thread to say how adorable that is!
You should ask her to draw a picture of that scene.
Mine could never differentiate between “octopus” and “opposite”. And she loved (and still does, ~7 years later) marine animals, so she happens to say “octopus” a lot more often than most, and started accidentally saying it whenever she mean to say “opposite”.
I love it, so to this day I always say octopus instead of opposite, but she is no longer on board with me, and when I do it I just get an eye roll.
My friend has a son named Aidan, and when my daughter was little, she always called him Ai-ding. She has long outgrown it, but I still think of him that way.
Josie is a month shy of two years old, so this was her first real present-opening experience. It started off a bit slow, in part due to the fact that she had an unwrapped play kitchen that kept distracting her. Halfway through we all stopped to eat breakfast. She was eating one of her favorite things ever, with great gusto, asking for more as soon as a bite got swallowed. Until someone jokingly said “If she doesn’t hurry up and finish, we’ll be opening presents on Wednesday!”
Her head snapped up, she said “Open presents? ALL DONE!” and started emphatically signing for “all done” too. I managed to get her to finish the last five bites of her favorite food while we opened the last of the presents.
Later on, we were at my husband’s cousin’s house for Christmas dinner, and she was playing with a baby carriage that belonged to the cousin when she was a little girl, just pushing it all over the house. Until someone said it was time to open presents, and she did the same thing, dropping the baby carriage she’d been playing with non-stop for a half-hour like it had caught fire.
Just to pile on the bathroom weirdness.
No kids myself, maybe not ever, but I’m 10 years older than both my siblings, so I remember the whole diapers and potty training stuff vaguely.
Back to now - I’m over at the in-laws house for christmas dinner, and my youngest niece (3ish?) took my hand after dinner while everyone was running around putting up leftovers, and she solemnly informed me that I was going to help her pee.
:eek:
So she heads off to the bathroom, dragging me by my index finger, and I yell for her mom something to the effect of “what do I have to do to help?” and mom and dad and grandparents all drop everything and give me this stunned look.
Mom - “She asked you to help her go to the bathroom?”
Me - nodding
Mom - confused shrug “I dunno, she’s never let any of us in there with her since she started last week”
Kid - from inside the bathroom - “(my name) I’m ready! Come help me!”
Me - frantic silent pleas for assistance!
Mom “Hey, honey (to dad) come look at this!” “(to me) Well, I dunno - I guess you should feel honored.”
Whereupon mom, dad, and older sister all watch in awe while kidlet talks me through the whole bathroom process, explaining to me what she’s doing.
She was very proud of herself, and very matter-of-fact about the whole thing, and all she wanted me to do was hold her sweater for her.
Kids are so weird.