FYI... cunnilingus

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
81

Just to add to Tygr’s tip on the importance of a good manicure - please remember to wash your hands! It’s not a good idea to go sticking dirty fingers up inside your lover.
And now, in honor of this thread, I present…

The Cunnilingus Squaredance

Swing your partner round and round,
Take her to the bed and lay her down!

Kiss her, suck her, stroke her skin,
Take a little finger and slide it in!

Rub her clit with the tip of your nose,
Lick while you do it and you’ll curl her toes!

Give your lover really good head,
And you’ll both have a good ol’ time in bed!

YeeeeeeeeeeeeeeHaw!

82

The first time I started reading it was when the little cubs were somewhere in the house, liable to saunter by at any time. A bit distracting considering what I was reading. <My kids are definitely at that *dear God, I don’t even want to think about my mom and dad doing *that! stage.>

But I couldn’t seem to help myself. First bughunter. <I always knew Lady bugs were lucky, but never how lucky!> Then Cartooniverse*<Why didn’t I know this aspect of your personality before, my dear?>* And MaxMMMMmmm…

Now today I get to the second page to find Tygr offering his perspective! I am quite overcome.

What with moving son back to college this afternoon up in Austin, I won’t even get a chance to have Mr Bear read this thread for suggestions till late this evening. :frowning: <Not that he’s not doing a great job, mind you; but hey, I’d certainly like to try some of these…just for a little variety, mind you.> :wink:

::going off to wipe the drool off my face, and hopefully the glazed look no doubt caused by thinking about…ahem drool::
Now I believe I owe a certain friend a reply to an email… now that I have some things to add… :wink:

83

Mmmmmmm… cunnilingus.

I love to go down on Mrs. Chef. I begin with soft kisses on her inner thighs, working up one and down the other, before zeroing in on the one thing that’s even better to eat than a ripe, juicy peach.

The best thing I ever learned was not to go, as Monty Python said, stampeding toward the clitoris. Long, slow, loving licks with my tongue held flat and broad are my favored way to begin. I gradually start including her clit in the fun as I proceed, first with just an occasional caress at the top of a stroke, and gradually building to lightning-fast feather strokes from side to side with the tip of my tongue. I also use the underside of my tongue as suggested in the OP, particularly as she drifts back to earth after an orgasm.

And keep your hands moving, guys (and gals, sorry andygirl)! I continue running my hands all over her while I orally worship her… except sometimes I do slide my hands under her buttocks and cup them while raising her hips to my face, occasionally using my thumbs to part them so I can trail my tongue a little lower, which always gets an energetic reaction.

The one thing that marred the experience was that sometimes I would keep at it so long that the underside of my tongue would be rubbed raw by my bottom front teeth. Here’s a genuine trick that helps: Chew a stick of gum and mold it over your lower teeth like a boxer’s mouth guard. Smooths the way and increases stamina… plus, if you choose cinnamon or wintergreen gum there are some interesting effects there. grin

[sub]Dallas Dopers, when you come over PLEASE don’t tell Mrs. Chef that you know how she likes to be feasted upon.[/sub]

84

Whoa. WHOA! Okay, one MORE tip, if you want to do this - shave her first! I can’t imagine trying to get gum out of pubic hair… :eek:

85

Once again we show that women are not all alike. I myself love eye contact. There are very few things sexier to me than my man looking up at me from between my thighs. Mmmmm…

86

Hmmm. Mebbe Chef Troy is telling us a teensy bit more about Mrs. Chef than he intended.

BTW, I believe I can say on behalf on myself and my SO, thanks for all the tips.

87

One day, two girls from the South were sitting on their front porch swing. One of them had just gotten back from the big city of New York and was telling her friend all about it.

She starts , “You know,” with a heavy southern drawl, “they have women up there who have sex with other women.”

Her friend gasps, and replies, “Oh, do tell! What do they call them?”

“They call them lesbians,” the first girl tells her.
“And they have men who have sex with other men.”

Her friend gasps once again, and says, “Oh, do tell! What do they call them?”

The first girl says, “They call them homosexuals.”

The first girl looks around to make sure no one is looking and whispers to her friend, “And you know… They have these men… Who’ll put their face in a woman’s private parts… And kind of lick around and do stuff with their tongue…”

The friend gasps once again and whispers back, “Oh, do tell… What do they call them??”

After looking around once again to make sure no one is listening, she whispers back, “I don’t know… I just patted mine on the head …and called him ‘Precious’.”
:wink:

88

Oh good lord! Why did I have to read this thread? At work. On this particular Monday.

89

I also love eye contact, that is until they roll into my head.

90

I’m talking about just a small piece, like say Trident. Just enough to cover your teeth. I haven’t had it come into direct contact with her. Not that it would be a problem, as she is partially shaved (I help her with that little job). And no, pcubed, it’s not a new revelation… I mentioned it in one of the myriad pube-shaving threads that crop up in here like dandelions. She even knows I said it.

91

That problem goes away when that ‘connecty thingie’ on the bottom of your tounge gets cut back by your bottom teeth.

It has a bonus of increasing your reach too…

=)

92

Wow I pop onto the board for the first time in months and look what I find here…
Hows this, Start with a massage, the Whole package massage.
Start with her temples down her neck and shoulders, both arms and spend some time on her hands, slowly down her back and her ass if she doenst mind (I’ve had some who were kinda self concious) and then the backs of both legs, turn her over and massage both feet, then work your way slowly up paying alot of attention to her inner thighs, pay close attention to her response, somtimes shes ready at this point, if not I keep on with the massage going all the way up her front then kiss her repetedly working my way back down.
last night I took her skinny dipping at a local lake and I have one thing to add, mosquitoes are distracitng as hell.

93

Damn it, Whammo I almost suffocated just trying not to laugh so loud at work! (Funnier still because I been there, man, I been there). :smiley:

I LOVE giving my wife oral, because I love her body, and I know she’ll have an explosive orgasm. Here’s my tips for performing this oh-so-wonderful bit of love-making, that will usually push her over the edge:

I tend to vary between light to moderate licking/flicking of the tounge across her clit and labia, and also using a gentle sucking/kissing. If your lady likes to have you use your fingers, keep your head at a slightly higher angle or off a bit to the side, and slide in your first or middle finger so that your palm is faced up. You’re going for a little g-spot stimulation…finger about two-thirds of the way in and lightly rubbing the upper wall of her cervix. You’ll know when you’ve found just the spot! :smiley:

I usually wait until she’s most of the way to climax before starting this, since she finds “digital penetration” to be distracting if done too soon.

Another thing I do that she likes is fervent moaning along with my ministrations…when her pulse is rising and her hips start moving, I’ll start a low guttural rhythmic moan/growl. Start softly, and gradually get louder and quicker, matching her rhythm and intensity. I can even control the pace and rhythm of her orgasm, drawing it out for longer pleasure, or I can help her along if she’s having trouble getting there.

WARNING: Starting to growl from between a woman’s legs just might scare the bejeebus out of her if she’s not expecting it…definitely not the reaction you’re going for. Start with gentle, almost inaudible moaning and not only will she enjoy the slight vibrations, but she’ll know that that you enjoy being there, too. :slight_smile:

94

Wow, this thread really took off.

As for clear vs. milky, if you could gather together enough vaginal secretions, they’d probably look milky too. The principal ingredient is sebum, your skin’s universal emollient.

And as for the lady needing monistat: been there, found that. Not particularly unpleasant, just a little startling. Enough of that topic…

More tips:

Toys. I gave lady bug a little lipstick sized vibrator a couple of years ago on Valentine’s Day, and sometimes I like to hold that in my mouth and buzz it around her labia and clitoral hood. If we’ve already had intercourse, then she’ll sometimes ask me to put it inside.

And I’ve been eyeing the Hitachi Magic Wand “massager” in the porn shop, but that bugger is $75. Besides, I think it might be too much for her, from what I’ve read about those things. :slight_smile:

The one she got all giggly about when we were browsing there was the one that vibrates, has a section with beads that get stirred about, and this little rabbit on the side with rubbery ears that wiggle around to stimulate the clitoris. It wasn’t much cheaper.

Food. Ice cubes are fun. They work great on nipples, armpits, bellybuttons, the insides of the thighs… try running a hot tongue just behind the ice cube. Sip from a cup of hot coffee (irish coffee!) on the nightstand.

Or let the melt drip right on her clitoris (don’t hold the ice directly against her there!) and then once she stops wincing and gasping, then put your hot coffee tongue on there.

A word on food. Go easy with sugars. If you want to guarantee a raging yeast infection, stick something sweet and syrupy in there and then don’t wash or douche afterwards.

OK, that said… the four finger lady from my other post was a nut for food in bed. Particularly fruit. Grapes and bananas especially. Try this: peel a grape with your teeth, and then, holding it in your teeth, use it to massage her hot spots. Or push a few inside her and then tell her she’s a fruit cup. If you’re lucky, she’ll laugh at that and they’ll pop out! :slight_smile:

And there’s the obligatory Redi-Whip and Hershey’s syrup, although I don’t particularly care for the appearance of the latter.

95

Yes, yes, yes . . . !!! Oh, pardon me, I got carried away. I concur, except I have to give Cartooniverse the gold medal in this event. That description left me . . . dazed and amazed. And smiling.

This from a guy who quotes U2 in his sig line . . . [sub]pant,drool,pant, pant, drool[/sub]

**

Another “Amen!”, sister! My sister and I refer to that as the “Deer in the Pussywillows” moment, and it’s disconcerting. Avoid! Avoid!

To the guys: I understand that you’re going to peep at me every now and then to check the progress, so to speak, but please try not to let me catch you. It ruins my vibe. And what I want to see when I look down there is a pair of blissfully closed eyes, not a pair of boring eyeballs staring back at me!

96

Dammit, I should never have opened this thread at the office. My face is all red and there are little beads of sweat across my upper lip and my forehead. My body heat has risen to the point where my hair is curling in all sorts of new strange directions.

Cartooniverse, bughunter, and Max Torque; I have never met any of you, but from now on you will appear from time to time in my dreams. Men like the three of you are the reason for humanity to exist. I lust in your general direction.

I’d say more, but I suddenly feel … um … a pressing need to be waiting at home when Mr. Seawitch gets home from work.

97

If you don’t want to make eye contact, that’s fine. It’s just as pleasant to watch your back arch, your chest heave, and a look of bliss on your face.

Besides, when I do it right, lady bug doesn’t maintain real eye contact for very long. I don’t know what she’s looking at, but it’s not in this universe.

98

A note to those who perform fellatio: Men dig this too. Oh yeah. :smiley:

99

Yes1 Yes! Yes! the underside is the place that I had in mind… but damn, this thread has produced some RESULTS! We (me and Mrs. Pessor) will be in training for months now… So far we need:

  1. Irish coffee
  2. A $75. lipstick vibrating thingee
  3. Donuts from several different sources
  4. New ice cube trays
  5. More black panties
  6. A month off from work or any other outside distractions for that matter.

Should I start a new thread in GQ entitled “How do you get cunnilingus off your mind/face/forehead”?

I know I’m curious…

100

:eek: No.

I am enjoying this thread, though. I know I’ll never look at donuts the same way again.