I live with a gabber. She gabs a lot, which is mostly a problem if
a.) I drive/ride in a car alone with her (happens a few times a week)
b.) Stay at home all day during a day off
Don’t feel bad for me- she’s not a blood relative or a girlfriend, and I’m moving (for other reasons) in May. But the fact is- some people just fucking talk to goddam much.
Sometimes, that’s a good thing. I had an eigth grade Latin teacher- his off-topic meandering into his endless funny life stories and knowledge on every subject was a welcome relief for us (about every day :D). But this woman’s isn’t- her rambling is like stream of consciousness writing- here’s the outline of what she spoke of when I drove us on the way back from the movies the other week:
First, she’s telling me about her day, how she went to the doctor’s office (it was, for future reference, in a big building full of doctors)
She adds that she loves big buildings full of doctors (no, it wasn’t a romantic or sexual comment on how she’d like to hook up with one, just a pointless thought)
She then moves on to how she used to have a Greek doctor
She then moves on to how she used to have Greek. Neighbors.
She tells me not only a story about them, but also about their two handicapped children, and the special house they built for those children
Talking to people can bring joy; it can bring enlightenment; it’s an essential tool for communicating with others. But this kind of stream of chatter is nothing but shit. Gabbers, shut the fuck up. It’s too bad that the world is full of pussys like me who don’t say anything about it to the Gabbers, but just serve as the Gabbees, just giving her what’s known as ‘minimal encouragers’ like ‘uh huh,’ ‘right,’ ‘yeah,’ ‘okay,’ while she does all the talking.
Word of advice: Nothing you do will make any difference. Any idea or memory emerging in the brain simply spills out the mouth without filtering of any kind. FWIW, my MIL has been this way for as long as I’ve known her – over 40 years. I once tried to see how long she would talk if I sat still and said absolutely nothing, not even “uh huh.” She went for an hour. Really. One entire hour, non-stop. I finally couldn’t take it any more and made up some excuse about something else needing my attention.
Well, maybe instead of grabbing the steering wheel with white knuckles, and growling internally, you should talk, instead of leaving the lady hanging? Why don’t you bring up some conversational topics that interest you from time to time instead of placing the burden on her? Maybe not while driving, but surely there are times when small talk is actually appropriate? Obviously she felt that small talk was needed, and was groping for topics that might possibly interest you. Maybe she is socially akward, and you wouldn’t have minded so much if she were better at conversation? Though it seems to me that it was hardly a conversation, since you only grunted from time to time. It seems you must like her at least some though, since you went to the movies with her. Just a thought. I’ve been around chatty gossipy hen types too, and they are trying. It doesn’t seem quite like the person mentioned in the OP was one. And even if she is, maybe you can disarm her and put her more at ease (with less need to chatter due to anxiety) by starting conversations that you can tolerate?
My husband was complaining about his mother’s detailed recounting of all her interactions with her neighbor, her family, people at work, etc. I stopped it short by telling him that since I usually pick up the reciever first, it’s usually me who gets to listen to it all, and unlike him, I don’t even know 90% of the people she’s talking about.
A few moments later, he looked up and said, “Hey . . . you know how you’re always complaining that I can’t summarize when I tell a story and have to tell you every word of dialog?”
I work in a hospital. It is a big building full of doctors - but that doesn’t matter now.
Well I lay out in the afternoon I start to nappin’,
you walk into the room with them jaws a-flappin’
You keep that motormouth moving morning, noon and night,
you keep on talking baby make my head turn white
You talk too much,
I can’t believe the things that you say everyday
If you keep on talking baby,
you know you’re bound just to drive me away
What Zabali said. Believe it or not, but many gabbers think they are doing YOU a favour.
" So I had to you know, just keep the conversation going. Andrewdt85 is a dear, but he just doesn’t communicate, you know? If it was up to him, we’d have nothing but unpleasant silences".
If you keep on going uh-huh-ing with white knuckles, you’re polarizing both your position and hers. She stars gabbing even more; you say even less, afraid that when you finally will say somthing, it will probably come out like “Shut the bl*dy fck UP!”
That way lies anger, alienation, and people moving out of appartments, my friend. Start communicating,
My mother is a Gabber. She is also, unfortunately, completely unaware of other people in anything other than a peripheral sense.
Whenever I call my folks to check on them & Dad puts Mom on the phone, I just put it (cell phone) on “loudspeaker”, lay it down, and move about the house doing whatever I choose. It isn’t necessary to listen or respond (she never pauses to let you, anyway), so all I have to do is make sure that I’m aware of when she’s done so I can hang up.
Well, maybe instead of grabbing the moment with open lips, and blabbing eternally, she should shut the fuck up, and enjoy the quiet. Why doesn’t she ponder various topics that interest her from time to time in silence instead of placing the burden on others to listen? Maybe while driving, surely there are times when shutting your pie hole is appropriate? Obviously he felt that peace was needed, and was praying she’d be interested, too. Maybe she’s self absorbed, and should learn to give her gums a rest? Though it seems to me that it was hardly peaceful, since she carried on like a magpie the whole time. It seems he must be seeking some venue where she’s silent, since he went to the movies with her. Just a thought. I’ve been around quiet types too, and they’re a delight. It doesn’t seem quite like the person mentioned in the OP was able to stop yapping. Maybe you can duct tape her and put her more at ease in the trunk (so you won’t hear her chatter due to anxiety) and turn on a radio station you can tolerate?
At some crappy “team building” meeting at work the speaker tried to tell us they are going on and on like that because we don’t listen well enough. And that we should really listen to what they have to say and then we will communicate better. I think my eyes rolled out of my head and escaped the meeting.
My mom was a gabber. Her favorite thing to do was always to wait until I was deeply absorbed in a book or the television, and then start telling me everything that happened on her soap operas that day. She related it all in vivid detail, with the kind of emotional investment I never saw her display about anyone she actually knew.
My daughter can also be a gabber, but since she’s fourteen, if she wants to talk to me, I listen.
Not only does she gab for hours and hours about people I don’t know, she talks so fast I can’t understand her. And she doesn’t even leave room for an “Uh huh.” Once I put the phone down in exasperation and walked away. Ten minutes later I came back and she was still talking.
I’m not even going to bring up the fact that this woman has known me for almost 20 years and she still mispronounces my name.
Years ago when I was involved in local politics, there was a woman in town who was a gabber. And a complainer. And a bit of a crackpot. Both sides of the aisle agreed on that. One of my co-board members told me about a time she was getting ready for some company for dinner, really didn’t want to spend time with Crazy Jane, but also didn’t want to alienate her. So she put her young child on the phone. “Just hold the phone, Sally, and every once in a while say ‘Uh huh.’” A half hour later she took the phone back. The caller never noticed. And the kid was occupied while her mother got some cleaning done.
Yes- these Gabbers think every detail of their daily lives, the daily lives of people they (but we) know, and the daily lives of fictional characters they know, matter to us. We all need to become familiar with one phrase: “Get. A. Blog.”
The boy never lets you get a word in edgewise, and though I admit I’m not much of a talker, I can’t be gabby back, unless we just talk over each other. So, I let him talk. And talk. And talk. When I hear him coming home from work, I often hide in my room so I don’t have to get started. The other day, I was going to take a shower, and he just kept talking and talking, then he paused to take a sip or something, so I close the door … and he keeps on talking. I felt horrible, but, dammit, I had to shower!
I’m one of the lucky ones. I gab. I think I’m quite entertaining, but then so do all gabbers. I ask my SO regularly if it’s okay to gab when we drive together, or if he’d like me to be quiet - (he’s a quiet type) - he always says it’s fine. To his extreme credit, he rarely tunes out - so maybe I am that entertaining.
Yeah, this is cool. I don’t think this is what the OP is about. I used to have a horrible housemate (she cheated me out of $200 when I moved out, which still pisses me off) who was like this: I’d walk in the door, exhausted, after a long day of work, and she’d start in almost midsentence. No “Hi,” no, “How’s it going?” just “the flowers at the farmer’s market were really beautiful today I think I should plant some in the front yard they might look good around the fence at work there are some fences that really bother me it’s where all the smokers like to sit and every day I walk by them and you’d think that they would clean up after themselves but they don’t well I shouldn’t say none of them do because my friend Lisa is a smoker and I guess she probably does because her house isn’t coated in cigarettes she keeps it really” and by this point I wouldn’t hear any more of what she was saying because I’d gone silently upstairs and closed the door behind me.
My SIL is a gabber. She’ll eventually stop if someone else starts talking, and she can listen, but if there is a silence she must fill it. Even if we’re listening to the waves crash and the seagulls calling, or just the wind in the woods.
She’s a good person, but the rest of us have discussed getting her a t shirt that says “Help me! I’m talking and I can’t shut up!”
I like playing the Eagles song Learn to be still in the background sometimes when she visits.
